Chapter 188: Choosing Herself

Elara:

Silence settled over the little room. His lips parted, but no answer came, and that silence told me more than another dozen apologies ever could. ℯℓ.

I let out a small, exhausted breath. "What am I supposed to do with your confession? You tell me you have feelings for me, and then you tell me we can’t be together. You want me to understand why you hurt me, but you won’t tell me the reason behind it. You want me to know that you care, but you are also telling me that your feelings aren’t enough to make you choose me."

I shook my head, struggling to comprehend how we had arrived at a place where caring about each other seemed to have become another way to cause pain.

"If all you wanted was for me to understand that you have your reasons for leaving me, then I understand now. I really do. I understand that we can’t be together, and I will respect your decision. I’m not going to force you to choose something you don’t want, and I’m certainly not going to demand that you reveal something you believe isn’t yours to tell me."

My voice wavered for a moment, and I hated that even now, even after everything, I still had to fight to keep it steady. "But I can’t keep doing this, Kairo. I can’t keep standing here while you give me just enough hope to make me believe there’s something worth fighting for, only to remind me that I’m not someone you can actually choose. I have enough to deal with in my life already. I have a kingdom to understand, a family I lost to grieve, people depending on me, and dangers I haven’t even begun to comprehend. I cannot keep adding the uncertainty of you to everything else I’m trying to survive."

I swallowed the ache rising in my throat. "So we’ll go our separate ways from here on. You can keep your distance, and I’ll keep mine. We don’t have to hate each other, but I can’t keep doing this to myself."

I turned toward the door, desperate to get out before my composure finally gave way, but I hadn’t taken more than a step when Kairo’s hands tightened around my shoulders and pulled me back toward him.

"No. Elara, wait." His voice cracked with panic. "I don’t want to lose you. I know I have no right to ask you for anything after what I have done, but I can’t just let you walk away from me. I can’t pretend I don’t care about you when the thought of losing you is-"

"Then what do you want from me?" I demanded, wrenching myself out of his grip and pushing his hands away.

The sudden movement left us standing barely a step apart, and when I looked at him again, whatever tenderness had survived inside me was buried beneath a cold, bone-deep exhaustion.

"Seriously, Kairo, go and sort out your feelings and your decisions before you come anywhere near me again. I don’t think I have ever met anyone as clueless as you are when it comes to deciding what he wants." His eyes widened, but I didn’t stop. "Either you want us to be together, or you don’t. Either you are willing to face whatever this reason is, or you aren’t. You cannot keep telling me you have feelings for me while simultaneously insisting that we have no future, and then expect me to stand here waiting for you to decide which version of yourself you want to be."

"It’s not that simple," he argued, desperation sharpening his voice. "You don’t understand what I’m dealing with, Elara. If I could tell you everything, if I could just-"

"But you won’t," I interrupted, my voice steady despite the ache in my chest. "And that is precisely the problem. You keep telling me there are things I don’t understand, but you refuse to let me understand them. I’m not asking you to betray someone’s confidence or reveal something that isn’t yours to share. I’m asking you to take responsibility for your own decisions instead of making me suffer the consequences of a choice you haven’t even finished making."

I held his gaze, willing myself not to look away. "Whatever this is, it’s your problem to sort out, Kairo. Your feelings, your priorities, your decision. Not mine. I can’t make it for you, and I won’t keep sacrificing my peace while you try to figure it out."

My voice softened, not because the pain had lessened, but because I no longer had the strength to keep fighting him. "So unless you stop being a coward about what you want and decide what you are actually going to do, don’t come after me again." I hesitated, hating the tiny sliver of hope that still refused to die, then added, almost in a whisper, "And I hope that when you finally make up your mind, it won’t be too late."

For a moment, Kairo simply stared at me, his eyes bright with tears, his hands hanging uselessly at his sides. I thought he might reach for me again, might find another reason to stop me, but he didn’t. Neither he nor his magic tried to hold me there.

Perhaps he finally understood that he couldn’t keep me in a room simply because he was terrified of losing me. Or perhaps he had finally run out of words, and for once, there was nothing left for him to say that could change what had happened between us.

I turned away before the sight of his pain could weaken my resolve, unlocked the door, and stepped into the dim hallway.

The distant music grew louder as I walked back toward the ballroom, each step carrying me farther from the man I still had feelings for and closer to the life I had no choice but to keep living. My heart hurt with every breath, but I didn’t turn around. I had spent enough time trying to understand Kairo Greymark. Now, for once, I needed to choose myself.