Chapter 192: A Different Side of Esme

Elara:

For several seconds, I could only stare at Esmeray Ashbourne, wondering whether the man sitting beside me had somehow been replaced by someone else while I wasn’t paying attention.

I had known there was a certain tension between us, an undercurrent that sometimes made our conversations feel a little too intimate and his lingering glances a little too difficult to ignore. I had also been painfully aware of my own less-than-innocent thoughts whenever he smiled at me or stood a little closer than necessary.

But knowing there was something between us and believing that Esme actually liked me enough to confess his feelings were two entirely different things.

He had always been kind, thoughtful, and patient, not just with me but with almost everyone at Moonveil Academy. He was the sort of person who remembered little details, offered help without making a spectacle of it, and somehow managed to make people feel comfortable in his presence.

So whenever I caught myself wondering whether I was receiving special treatment, I reminded myself that this was simply who Esme was. He would probably have shown the same concern for anyone who had been in my position. It had been easier to believe that than to consider the possibility that the handsome heir of House Ashbourne might actually be falling for me.

And yet, here he was, sitting beside me and openly admitting that he had developed feelings for me.

My heart fluttered so violently that I had to look away for a moment just to remind myself how breathing worked. When I finally managed to pull myself together, I turned toward him with what I hoped was an unreadable expression.

"And what exactly am I supposed to do with that confession, Esme?" I asked, folding my hands in my lap to prevent myself from fidgeting. "Did you think explaining the misunderstanding between us would automatically make me accept your feelings, too?"

He looked at me for a moment, and then, to my absolute astonishment, a small, confident smile appeared on his face. "Not at all, Snowdrop. I simply wanted you to know the truth. Now that the misunderstanding between us has been cleared and you have forgiven me, I intend to pursue you properly."

I blinked. Once. Twice. "You are going to do what?"

His smile widened slightly, and I was suddenly confronted with a side of Esmeray Ashbourne I had rarely seen. Gone was the endlessly patient man who usually spoke with quiet consideration, carefully choosing his words so he wouldn’t offend anyone. In his place sat someone who seemed entirely comfortable announcing that he intended to pursue me as though he had just decided what to order for dinner.

"I’m going to court you," he clarified, looking thoroughly pleased with himself. "I’ll take you out, spend time with you, make you laugh, and give you every opportunity to get to know me properly. And if you’ll allow it, I’ll do my best to win your heart."

My heart performed another ridiculous little somersault, but I refused to let it show on my face.

"That’s very confident of you," I remarked dryly. "Unfortunately, I’m not looking to date anyone right now." The lie left my mouth so smoothly that I almost impressed myself.

An extremely unhelpful voice inside my head immediately accused me of being an idiot and suggested that I should simply throw myself into the arms of one of the ridiculously handsome men I had spent the past several months dreaming about. But I firmly ignored it.

I had made the mistake of allowing my feelings to outrun my judgment once already, and I wasn’t about to repeat the experience just because Esme had looked at me with those beautiful green eyes and promised to pursue me. I needed time, stability, and a little less emotional chaos in my life. Most importantly, I needed to stop allowing handsome men to turn my already complicated existence into a battlefield.

"Even if you don’t plan to have a boyfriend," Esme replied, sounding so casually assured that I wanted to shake him, "I plan to change that."

I turned toward him slowly, studying his expression. There was a spark of amusement in his eyes, but beneath it lay a determination that made my stomach flutter. "And what happens if you discover something about me that makes it impossible for us to be together?" I asked before I could stop myself.

The question seemed to change something in his expression. His smile faded slightly, and he studied me with a peculiar intensity that made me wonder whether I had accidentally revealed more than I intended.

I hadn’t mentioned Kairo, his so-called reason, or the conversation that had left me feeling as though my heart had been dragged through broken glass. Yet the way Esme looked at me made me feel as though he had recognized the question for what it was - a test, perhaps, or a warning disguised as curiosity.

"What if there’s a reason you can’t pursue me?" I clarified, trying to keep my voice casual. "A reason strong enough to make you believe we shouldn’t be together, regardless of what you feel?"

For a moment, he said nothing. Then he surprised me again. "I already have a reason to stay away from you, Elara. A very good one, in fact. One that my brain has reminded me of more times tonight than I care to admit."

My heart skipped a beat. I wondered if his reason was the same as Kairo’s, or something entirely else. I couldn’t tell, and the uncertainty made me want to demand an explanation immediately. But before I could ask, he continued, his gaze steady and his voice unusually firm.

"I have thought about it. I have weighed the consequences, and I have spent enough time telling myself what I should do. But I have made my decision. This time, I’m going to follow my heart instead of letting my brain make every choice for me."

He turned slightly toward me, and the smile that returned to his face was gentler now, though the determination behind it hadn’t disappeared.

"Unless you tell me to stop, I’m going to pursue you, Elara. I’ll do my best to win your heart, and if you ever choose me, I’ll cherish you the way you deserve to be cherished. I won’t promise you that everything will be easy, because I don’t think either of us has a particularly simple life. But I can promise that I’ll be honest about what I want." His eyes gleamed with a hint of mischief as he added, "And for the record, I might not even stop if you tell me to stop."

I stared at him, struggling to decide whether I wanted to laugh, scold him, or ask him to repeat every word he’d just said so I could make certain I hadn’t imagined the entire conversation.

This was not the Esme I was accustomed to dealing with. He was far too bold, far too certain, and far too dangerously charming for my peace of mind. Worse, some reckless part of me was already imagining what it might feel like to be pursued by someone who wasn’t ashamed of having feelings for me.

I could practically hear my better judgment begging me not to make another impulsive decision, while my heart seemed determined to throw a celebration.