[29] What Fades, What Returns

By morning, the city looked clearer from the back of the bike.

I held onto Voss as the motorcycle carried us through Eden, the cold morning air stinging my face and pulling at my hair while empty roads and abandoned buildings passed on either side.

...Naturally, I'd barely slept. But the sight of zombies stumbling through the streets as we zipped past kept me on my toes.

The Nightstride slowed eventually.

Ahead was the place we'd agreed on.

Two figures were already waiting.

Linda noticed us first.

"Celeste!"

She hurried forward as Voss brought the motorcycle to a stop, and I climbed off carefully.

Ethan followed behind her.

They looked alright.

But they also looked... closer.

It wasn't anything obvious. Linda was standing nearer to him than she usually did. Ethan seemed comfortable with it too. There was a familiarity between them that hadn't been there before.

Yesterday, I would've noticed every centimetre. I would've wondered what they'd done while I was gone. What they'd talked about. Whether Linda had taken the chance to get closer while I wasn't there.

Now...

I just looked at them.

And felt surprisingly little. I still cared about him. Of course I did. Ethan had been beside me through almost a month of hell. So had Linda. They were still my friends. But whatever I'd been clinging to before wasn't there anymore.

Maybe it had never been what I thought it was. Maybe I could finally see Ethan as someone important to me without needing him to be mine. That thought felt strangely freeing.

"Celeste?"

Linda stopped in front of me.

I smiled.

"Morning."

Her expression shifted as she took me in.

My hair was clean. So was my skin. I was wearing fresh clothes instead of the filthy school uniform they'd last seen me in.

Beside her, Ethan stared.

Then his face hardened.

"What the hell did you do to her?"

Voss had barely gotten one foot off the vehicle.

"...Excuse me?"

"You bastard... I told you if you did anything to Celeste...!"

Ethan stepped forward.

Oh.

Linda's gaze moved over me again. Something tightened in her expression.

Meanwhile, Ethan looked furious. "What happened last night?"

"Nothing that concerns you."

That only made him angrier.

"She's fifteen!"

Voss stared at him for a moment... then sighed.

"Kid, she showered, ate dinner and didn't sleep enough."

"...I don't fucking believe that!"

Voss yawned. "Can you pipe down? I said I cleared the area yesterday. Not today. Kid, save your breath for the zombies, yeah?"

"You...! You must have done something...!"

Ethan kept going.

Strangely, all I could think was that he hadn't asked me once if I was alright.

I looked between him and Linda.

Now that I was standing close to them again, another difference became obvious.

They smelled terrible. ...And not just sweat. Damp clothes, stale air, grime that had settled into fabric after too many days without properly washing. There was another strange, sour smell mixed into it that I couldn't quite place either.

I decided I didn't want to. Voss wrinkled his nose beside me.

"I don't give a rat's ass. I brought her back alive. That's the deal."

He climbed back onto the motorcycle.

Ethan frowned.

"Wait, you old piece of—!"

The engine came alive beneath him.

Voss glanced towards me.

"Remember what I told you."

I nodded.

"...I will."

He turned away. I watched him until the bike carried him down the street, only looking back when Ethan spoke again.

"What did he do to you? Tell me properly, Celeste!"

"Well... Stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

I shrugged. For some reason, I suddenly felt a little playful.

"Celeste."

His voice tightened.

"I'm serious. Don't joke around right now."

I raised a brow.

"Don't tell me he really..."

Ethan stopped himself, jaw tightening.

I stared at him for a moment.

...Oh. So that was where his mind had gone.

For some reason, instead of feeling embarrassed, I almost wanted to laugh. Linda still hadn't said anything. She was watching me differently now, her expression just a little too stiff. Jealousy? Yesterday, that would've bothered me.

Today, it was almost funny.

I tilted my head.

"...What?"

Ethan looked away first. Nothing came out.

My smile widened before I could help it.

"...Nothing happened."

Ethan looked back at me immediately.

"Then why are you acting like this?"

I glanced past him at Linda. She was still standing close enough that their shoulders nearly touched. Strangely, I didn't feel anything about it anymore. Maybe Voss really had knocked something loose in my head last night, or put something back where it belonged.

I clasped my hands behind my back.

"I wonder..."

Ethan frowned.

"...I might like older guys."

I made sure to see it. His expression went completely blank.

Linda's brows lifted.

"...What?"

I walked past them before either could recover.

"Celeste!"

I couldn't stop the little laugh that escaped me. Behind me, Ethan was still trying to find words.

"W-Wait, what do you mean, older guys?!"

I kept walking. For once, I didn't feel any need to explain myself.

A few steps later, I glanced back over my shoulder.

"That's right. Voss said there's a settlement nearby. They've got barricades, people keeping watch, and actual supplies. We can't keep hiding in empty buildings forever, especially with Linda's leg and what little food we have left."

I glanced down the road.

"If it's really there, that's our best option."

Neither of them answered.

Ethan and Linda were still staring at me.

"...Older guys?" Ethan finally repeated.

I ignored him.

"What did you two manage to salvage while I was gone?"

That got a pause.

Linda recovered first. "...Some canned food. Two bottles of water. A little medicine."

"How much can we carry?"

"...Most of it."

"And your leg?"

Linda looked away, almost guiltily. "...It's okay now. I can walk today."

"That's good to hear." I smiled.

I looked down the road Voss had indicated.

"He said the settlement's north from here. If we keep moving and don't take detours, we should make it in a few hours."

"Celeste, wait. What did you mean by—"

"Do we have enough water until then?"

Linda shot Ethan a slightly irritated look before answering me.

"...Probably?"

"Then let's pack everything properly and leave now. It's still morning. I'd rather reach the barricades before the streets get worse."

For a few seconds, neither of them moved.

I frowned.

"What are you two waiting for?"

Linda moved first, reaching for the bags.

That seemed to snap Ethan out of it too. He muttered something under his breath and followed after her.

I turned towards the road.

"Come on. We can talk while we walk."

And just like that, they fell in behind me. I kept my eyes on the road ahead, though part of me was already wondering if the EDF people at the settlement would know anything about Voss.

Maybe I could ask.

Maybe I'd see him again.

Three weeks was long enough for panic to settle into routine.

Not disappear. Never that.

The first few days had been shouting, crying, people demanding answers from soldiers who barely had any themselves. After that came the queues. Food, water, medical checks, registration, assigned tents, curfews, watches, rules posted wherever there was enough wall or plywood left to nail them onto.

Wake when the camp woke. Line up when told. Eat whatever was being handed out. Stay out of restricted areas. Don't wander near the barricades after dark.

The complaints changed too. People still grumbled about portions, sleeping on thin mats, the toilets, the heat inside the tents during the day. But there was less shouting about going home now.

Too many had tried. Too many had come back without everyone they'd left with. Around mealtimes, when people sat close together with plastic trays balanced on their knees, the stories usually came out.

A man who'd watched his neighbour get dragged through a car window because she hadn't locked the door. A woman who'd spent half a night hiding beneath a delivery truck while something crawled around underneath looking for her. Someone else swore the infected had followed him for almost a kilometre without tiring. Another had seen one keep moving after losing most of its lower jaw.

The details changed depending on who was telling it, but the fear remained in their eyes.

Outside the camps, Eden had become a collection of congested roads, unsecured buildings, and places everyone knew somebody had died.

Inside, the EDF kept things moving. Generators hummed behind fenced-off sections. Trucks came and went beneath armed escort. Civilians carried water, sorted supplies, dug drainage trenches and helped wherever there weren't enough soldiers to spare.

Every so often, a squad would return through the barricades missing someone. People had learned not to ask immediately.

Boots struck the ground in steady rhythm. A column of EDF soldiers marched between the rows of tents, rifles resting against their shoulders as an officer called cadence from the front.

Some civilians stopped to watch, but most didn't anymore.

Above them, sitting idly on the sloping roof of a large reinforced canvas tent, Lunallu let one leg hang over the edge. Her eyes followed the soldiers as they passed below, though she wasn't really watching them.

Her mind had been elsewhere a lot lately.

Dreams, at first. That was what she'd called them.

Except dreams weren't supposed to leave behind details after waking. ...The weight of a hand against hers. A room she'd never seen since arriving here. A voice speaking beside her ear. Conversations she knew she had never experienced in Eden, yet somehow remembered well enough to know what came next.

Fragments.

At first, another piece had returned every few days. Lately, they had started coming faster.

Lunallu raised one hand and opened the private communications window.

The translucent display appeared in front of her.

She scrolled all the way back.

Doctor: Can you see this?

Her finger stopped.

That had been the first message.

Back then, everything had been short.

Lunallu: Yes.

Doctor: How many hostages?

Lunallu: Ten.

Doctor: Status?

Lunallu: Ten prisoners. Three women. Seven men.

Doctor: All alive?

Lunallu: Yes.

...

Lunallu: Hostages secured.

Doctor: Good. Operation starts now.

Directions. Enemy positions. Which corridor was safe. Which one wasn't. When to move. When to wait.

The messages had come quickly during the operation.

Afterward, they became less urgent.

Lunallu: They are passing through the tunnel now.

Lunallu: Everyone is safe.

Lunallu: We found normal clothes.

Lunallu: We will stay at the EDF camp for now.

Staying at the camp had created another problem almost immediately: names.

Charlotte had been the one to point it out. Neither of them needed to give the EDF their real names. Charlotte had already chosen something else for herself by the time Lunallu had to register, then suggested she do the same.

Lunallu hadn't known what to pick.

In the end, "Lina Han" came from two names she'd seen on the identification tags of fallen soldiers being processed nearby. Lina from one. Han from another. From then on, everyone here knew her as Lina Han.

Then the reports started becoming daily.

What Charlotte was doing. What Lunallu herself had done. People she'd spoken to. Things she'd noticed around the camp.

One report mentioned an elderly couple who had been brought in after an EDF patrol found them hiding inside a pharmacy. The old woman had difficulty walking. Her husband refused to eat until she'd been given a portion first.

Lunallu had begun checking on them without really deciding to.

Something about the way they spoke to each other had bothered her at first. It felt familiar.

Then Charlotte decided to leave. Lunallu remembered sending that report too.

Lunallu: Charlotte says she wants to leave the camp.

Doctor: Is she asking for permission?

Lunallu: She asked me to tell you.

There had been a short delay.

Doctor: Tell her she doesn't need my permission for something like that.

Another message followed.

Doctor: Neither of you do.

Lunallu had stared at that one for quite some time.

After Charlotte left, her own reports continued. The elderly couple were doing better. A supply truck had arrived from the eastern checkpoint. An EDF patrol had returned two people short. Yerin had asked her to help move several crates and complained afterward that Lunallu had made everyone else look useless. Some of the children had begun recognising her. Then the adults. People waved when she passed. Soldiers who had initially watched her suspiciously had started greeting her instead. Someone had begun leaving an extra drink beside the old couple whenever Lunallu was expected to visit.

And slowly, she had started understanding what the Doctor had actually wanted from her.

Not orders. Not a mission. He wanted her to live here. Meet people. Help when she wanted to. Learn this world for herself.

Her finger continued downward... then stopped.

A message from several days ago sat in the middle of the window.

Lunallu: Doctor, do you like cats?

She stared at it.

That had been the first time one of the fragments returned strongly enough to frighten her.

A cat. His hand. Her own voice. Something warm and painfully familiar that she couldn't completely reach. She had sent the question almost immediately, as though his answer could prove whether the memory belonged to her.

Doctor: Yeah. I like cats.

Her heart had raced when she'd read it. At the time, she hadn't understood why.

After that, the messages changed. Not all at once. Her reports remained a constant. Food distribution had changed. Yerin had been assigned elsewhere for the afternoon. The old man was complaining about his knees again. Two military vehicles had left before dawn.

But scattered between them were other things.

Lunallu: Doctor, what food do you like?

Lunallu: Do you sleep enough?

Lunallu: What colour do you like?

Lunallu: Have you ever had a cat?

The replies were usually simple. Sometimes annoyingly slow.

She kept scrolling. With every day, the missing pieces inside her seemed to shrink.

More of the past was coming back now.

Little conversations between missions. Quiet moments when nobody else was around. The times she'd sat beside him for no reason she could explain. The way his voice changed when it was only the two of them.

His face. His hands.

—Her first kiss.

Lunallu's finger stopped moving.

Yesterday's messages sat near the bottom.

Lunallu: Doctor, is everything okay there?

A few minutes later—

Lunallu: Do you need me?

She stared at the second message. Her knees slowly drew up against her chest until she was sitting curled on the roof. That one still felt unlike her. Or perhaps it felt too much like her now. Recently, whenever there was nothing to do, her thoughts kept returning to his face.

She rested her chin against her knees and looked towards the empty space beside the communications window.

No reply. Lunallu frowned.

Stupid.

She didn't even know why she had sent it. If he needed her, he would say so. There was no reason to keep checking. Her eyes remained fixed on the window. ...Then a notification appeared.

Lunallu straightened.

Doctor: I actually need your help today.

Another line followed.

Doctor: If you're okay with it, can you come over?

Her foot slipped off the tent.

"—Ah."

Lunallu disappeared over the edge.

A heavy thump sent dust puffing across the ground below.

Several nearby civilians turned.

"Miss Han, are you alright?"

Lunallu sat in the dust for half a second, staring at the communications window still floating obediently in front of her.

"...Yes."

She rose as though nothing had happened, bent her knees, and sprang upward. Her body rotated cleanly through the air without her hands ever touching the tent, landing back on the canvas roof where she'd been sitting.

Someone below clapped. A few others joined in. Lunallu's expression didn't change. Inside, she wanted all of them to stop looking at her.

She immediately typed.

Lunallu: Okay. Where are you?

The message sent.

She waited. A few seconds passed.

Lunallu frowned at the window.

Why does Doctor type so slowly?

Another few seconds passed.

Then his directions came through.

Her attention sharpened. Her expression remained unreadable, but the listlessness that had hung around her all morning disappeared almost instantly. She was already about to close the window when another message came through.

Doctor: One more thing.

Lunallu waited.

Doctor: Tie up anything you need to there first before joining me.

She tilted her head.

Loose ends? There wasn't anything.

Charlotte had already left. Yerin could handle herself. The people they'd rescued were settling in well, and Lunallu wasn't part of the EDF.

...Then an image entered her mind.

An old woman sitting beneath a blanket, complaining that the camp porridge had no taste. Her husband pretending not to smile beside her.

Lunallu lowered her hand.

"...Ah."

Perhaps there was one thing.

She slid from the tent more carefully this time and started towards the section of camp where the elderly couple had been staying.

Every part of her wanted to go straight to the Doctor.

...But he'd told her to tie up any loose ends first.

So she'd make this quick.

Now that more of her memories had returned, she needed to know what meeting him again would feel like.