My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

"Now that's what I'm talking about! See now that's the Big Man I know and love! There he is! Goddamn, you fuckin' Ryan Gosling you—get over here! Freakin' Lord of the Rizz! Fellowship of the… whatever! My boy did it!"

All of a sudden, darkness. And as well as the sweet-sour aroma of body spray. The kind that smelt much too good for the average man's cost of living.

Tyler had me in a chokehold. His arm passed around my head and shoulders, pressing down at my neck with the entire weight of a grown-ass man and then some.

Just another name at the bottom of a long, long list of people who either wanted to shake my hand, pat me sore on the back, and now apparently also choke me fondly to death.

After I was done sabotaging the scene to make it all about me, I didn't know what to expect. The stares that surrounded me weren't much of a tell, and the lingering silence was just as ambiguous. Then, in a sudden twist bigger than anything I could ever conspire to do, the Director had me in a hug worthy of a climax in an emotionally charged drama, and immediately, all was made clear.

To him, and to everyone involved, I was lauded as a hero, a savior, and in the director's own words 'the best thing that's ever happened to modern-day cinema'.

Thanks to my gamble, it was decided right there and then to restructure the whole scene according to my little stroke of inspiration. A bunch of reshoots were made, and a bunch of lines were reworded for a better, grander impact.

In short, intentional or otherwise, for better or for worse, I just outright stole the limelight and threw Leon out in the shade. Yet despite it, the man did not hesitate for a second to give his robber a good ol' fistbump between takes.

It took another hour of solid effort, but with a final resounding 'cut', a wave of stunned euphoria rippled over the cast and crew. The heavy disbelief, the gradual realization that—yes, it's done. Terestra's debut was finally shot to completion.

That's when the line of the grateful and indebted began to form. I couldn't take a step anywhere without first being thanked for what I did. While it was nice to feel appreciated, there was a thing as too much… and I was about reaching that threshold.

Then there's Tyler. Who was levels above that. And then some.

"Y'see? I knew it since the first time I laid my eyes on you," Tyler continued to rave and gush while I struggled to wriggle free before deprivation could make him a murderer. "A fine, snazzy specimen like you was born to be in front of a camera! This just proves it! You may not believe it—'bullshit', I can hear ya saying already. Well, care to put that bullshit to the test?"

He finally loosened his hold and I staggered free. As I recovered from his attempted assassination, Tyler helped pick my top hat off from the ground, placing it back on my head; a beaming, scheming smile inches from my eyes… and beyond that, his long, teeming buffet table.

All I wanted was something to bite.

"I'm thinking… maybe you can feature in a vid soon? Me, the boys, and you?" He suggested. "We're gonna be hitchhiking 'cross the whole country in a couple of weeks. We'll be splitting into teams, first to Vegas wins. You and me, partners in crime—what do you say to that?"

"Pass, thanks," I said to that. "Sounds fun, definitely. But it's not my kind of fun."

"Right… your own kind of fun," He sniggered, wagging his brows at me. "Sexy, scary, strict, and Shakespeare—the perfect quartet of fun. I get it. Can't expect ya to ever settle for less after experiencing all of that, can I?"

"Yes, heaven on earth. Every day's a bliss," I muttered, too exhausted to retort. "Also… Shakespeare, really? That's the best you got for Ash? You're doing her a disservice, seriously."

"I needed another 's', alright?" He said, punching me lightly on the chest. "Don't be an ass."

I eventually got that snack I wanted, a paper plate set of hotdog, fries, and a splotch of ketchup. A perfect pick-me-up after having nothing but charm and class on the tip of my tongue. Any more fancy talk for any longer and I fear I might end up only being able to consume foie gras and caviar for the rest of my life.

"Oh yeah," Tyler spoke up again. "Speaking of…"

"Speaking of—what?" I asked. "Ass?"

"No, fun. Your fun. The first one," He said, pointing his metal tongs at me. "Sexy. Where'd Amanda go? Now that it's all over, I figured she'd be all over you. You know, having saved the day and all."

"She'll turn up," I shrugged, devouring my hotdog in two full bites. "Something about a future shoot? She said she'll find me when she's done and to not go too far. Not like I'm going anywhere anyway. She's my ride home. "

"Oh-ho-ho, y'mean—?"

"You make a joke about 'riding', and you'll be taking that tong for a ride yourself, understand?"

"Never mind, okay," He said, clearing his throat. "Right, your ride. Where's your actual ride then, man? Thought you got a bike."

"Not sure if I'll still do after this, honestly," I said, pulling out my phone and showing him the picture of my bike in the process of mechanical disembowelment. "The repair guy said he hasn't a single idea what could be wrong with it."

"Fuck, that's fucked," Tyler remarked, hissing a breath through a tight grimace. "Mm, tell you what. If it turns out to be a lost cause… I got a few bikes at my old home I don't really use that much anymore. I'll take a few pics of em', and you'll pick which you like best, alright?"

"You're gonna loan me a bike?"

"I'm giving you a bike, dipshit," He rolled his eyes. "And before you go all high and humble on me saying you don't want it, I'll have you know that I practically owe you all the world for what you did for me with Amelia."

"Yeah, but that's—that's nothing, Tyler," I stammered, blindsided by his generous offer. "That's just something you naturally do. What are friends for and all that. Y'know?"

"Right?" He beamed at me. "So, just give me a couple of days, I'll get back to you. They fixed your bike before then—great, now you have two! They don't, then, oh well… what are friends for, am I right? Just try not to break this one. Replacement parts… well, they don't exactly come cheap."

"I don't even know how the first one broke, that's the thing," I said, wracking my brain for a cause while munching on cold, dry fries. "And knowing my luck, this won't just be a one-time incident. At the very least, I'd like to know how the hell it happened."

"I might know," spoke a third voice, a familiar voice. "And if I'm right, it might just be your own fault, dear."

I quickly spun around, and it took a full proper second for my eyes to readjust. After having gotten used to the maleficent figure on the set, seeing Mom back to her usual sweet, gentle self, in her usual homely attire… for a moment… it felt like just another costume she was wearing.

Just for that moment though.

"Right, some other time, then," Tyler whispered, patting me farewell on the shoulder and striding to the other end of the buffet where the mid-afternoon rush was beginning to form. "I'll call ya, 'kay?"

I began walking forward, repeating after her, more confused than anything. "My fault?"

"Maybe only partly… you can blame the rest on simple ignorance if you prefer. After all, it's not as if you could have known."

She sat herself down on an empty table, and I promptly joined her, taking a seat directly across. The mystery as opaque as the plastic between us.

"Known what?" I asked.

Mom smiled, reaching over and taking a piece of my fries. "When you first told me your bike stopped working, I thought nothing of it at first. But then I remembered—you got my gift, didn't you?"

It took a moment before I realized what she was referring to. "The cloak?"

"You used it?" quietly, she chuckled, wearing a look on her face that showed the depth of her understanding of the matter. "You rode with it?"

"Once or twice, maybe," I answered. "Maybe… even more?"

"Well then, there you go," she said. "Don't use the cloak as your cloak. It's not designed to protect you from the cold."

"You're saying the cloak killed my bike?"

"It's imbued with my essence, my nature, a tiny little piece of me. I'm sure you know what I'm getting at," she said, biting a fry in half. "It did what it was supposed to do."