My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Irene said to park somewhere less obvious this time.

After dropping Sammy off at the hotel they were staying, I spent the rest of the time I had left casing the perimeter of Irene's block for somewhere she'd find acceptable.

As if being tucked away behind a corner, a good walk away from the police station wasn't already discreet enough the other day, but whatever… girl cares very much about her image, I can respect that; and since I always aim to please, I'm more than pleased to say I might have aced the assignment.

I stowed myself away two streets back, parked just a little behind the corner of an alley that had a full unconcealed view of the front of the station where I sat on my bike, staking the joint, counting down the last few minutes 'till she comes out of those doors.

The only way I could be even more inconspicuous was by being a complete total stranger. Yeah, maybe I could get some glasses, steal a wig, grow a mustache…

Actually no, that's stalking. Forget it.

Like clockwork, precisely the moment it struck three, my phone buzzed to life in my hand, heralding Irene's momentary arrival with her name and number flashing brightly on my display.

"I'm coming out soon," She proclaimed the very instant I answered her call. Yet despite her punctuality, she sounded a bit distracted, preoccupied. "Where did you park?"

In the background, I could vaguely hear the rustle of something else picking up on her mic. Completely indecipherable, but whatever it was, it seemed to be getting closer. I elected to ignore it.

"Somewhere that wouldn't cause a scandal, don't worry," I assured her. "Across the road, as soon as you get out, do you know the—?"

"Oh, the alley, you're on the other end of it. Got it," she said, suddenly omniscient somehow. That, or she's actually the one stalking me. "Figured you might be there. It'll do fine. Okay, I'm just finishing up here, I'll meet you there in about five—HEY!"

For a split second, I thought I had gone deaf in my left ear. There was a ringing, then immediately following that was the sound of air whooshing fast… finally, after all that, a collective round of giggles began tickling my eardrum.

"Hello? Boyfriend, you there?" a whimsical voice took over the call, audible out of breath and attempting to recoup some of it. "No use staying quiet, we know it's you. Or maybe you're just shy—can't recognize my beautiful voice, can you?"

I sighed, contemplating whether I should hang up or not. In the end, I chose the worst option and stayed on.

"Let me guess," I said. "Are you wearing blue?"

"Excuse you, it's teal. Who wears just plain ol' blue?" She said scoffing oh so pompously. "Anyway, I have half the mind to issue a warrant for your arrest, you know that? I'm seriously considering it!"

"What?" I blurted out. "For what?"

That's when another voice came over and rattled my speaker even more. Actually, make that two.

"Concealing evidence…!" piped a meek voice on one end.

"Obstruction of justice!" accused a louder voice on the other.

"Your birthday's today," Blue said, the row of voices coming back to her. "What? You didn't think we had the right to know?"

"No, not really," I said. "The things you'd do with that information. How the hell did you even find out anyway? Irene told you?"

"We guessed," Green spoke up, sounding smug. "We ain't detectives for nothing, you know?"

Could have fooled me.

"In any case, this is real good Boyfriend. Really good!" Blue said, practically drooling over her words. "Finally, you're off to do something together. On a very special day at that! We were starting to think you didn't have it in you. So on that front, we're very proud of you! Good job!"

They took a quick moment to go and actually break out in applause. Meanwhile, I'm still just there sitting on my bike wondering where I went so wrong in life.

"Anyway, taking that into account, we're prepared to acquit you of all your crimes," she went on. "So long as you cooperate with us, that is."

"Cooperate?"

"Tell us more…" pleaded red, her soft voice so close I could hear simpering under her breath.

"Out of the blue, our hardened detective says we're all dismissed early today. You don't need me to tell you how out of character that is for her, do you?" Blue said, the schoolgirl giggles infecting her as well. "You're about to do something really really REALLY special, right? I know it. Come on, spill!"

Where the hell are they that they can just so freely yell their lungs out at me without disturbing the rest of the station? What, did they stuff themselves inside of a broom closet and lock the door or something?

"How about no?" I said, standing brave and rooted against her tidal wave of passion. "How about you just give Irene her phone back and you three go off on your way?"

"No deal!" Blue exclaimed at once. "You better cooperate! You're looking at life in prison here! Without parole!"

"My attorney might have something to say about that."

"No, come on, we're all friends here! Just share a tiny bit!" she continued to push. "What's there on the agenda? Is there cake? I bet there's cake!"

"Dinner?" Red wondered aloud.

"A big packet of condoms?" Green blared out.

But before I had the chance to shut them all down, suddenly I heard another loud sound echo on their end. Then total quiet, proceeded then by the reverberating clatter of a broom falling to the floor amidst the deafening quiet.

I heard nothing from them until faintly I heard a heavy heave and Irene's voice began churning out of my speaker again, her tone stiff and simmering like an overboiled kettle.

"Give me five more minutes," she said, before with a click, the call ended abruptly.

So, uh… do I dial the police or should I just walk into the station? I'd like to report a triple homicide in the area, thank you.

It wasn't long following that incident that I soon spotted a figure in the distance heading towards me, smeared in the sideways shafts of light from the other opening in the alley.

Irene was silent on the approach, the dangerous kind of silence. Every step she took felt like it could shake the very foundations of the earth, and as she got closer, I could see she had a hard, empty expression with a scowl that made it as clear as day that I was not to breathe a single word about what happened before; though I can't help but feel like I'm being made complicit to a serial case in the making.

Well, at the very least, she didn't look covered in anyone's blood.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, projecting a calmness that just wasn't convincing. "Weren't waiting too long, were you?"

"I'm just fine," I said, taking the spare helmet and holding it out toward her. "You?"

"I'll feel a lot better once we're on the road," she hopped on behind me, shimmying the helmet onto her head. "Shall we go?"

Didn't need telling twice. With a kick, I started the engine, glancing one last time at the far end of the alleyway hoping for just a second I might see a trace of blue, or green, or maybe even the slightest hint of red. I didn't.

"Can I ask what…?"

"They'll be just fine," I heard Irene's voice echo darkly from behind me. "Eventually."

Yeah, maybe I shouldn't pry.

Down the road we went, winding through traffic, dwindling and clearing the closer we drove to the outskirts of town. Without the shades of skyscrapers and the heavy clutter of traffic lights and signs, I could finally start to appreciate just how nice the weather was.

Not a single cloud in the vast blue sky. There was also a nice, cool breeze swirling in the air. A perfect day for any kind of special occasion one could say.

"I wanted to get cake," Irene suddenly spoke up, breaking the silence that had accompanied us thus far. "Couldn't find a good cake in time."

I felt my lips pull at the corners thinking of the notion. She's on her desk, browsing endless tabs of bakeries to choose from while the files on the side continue to sit neglected.

"What kind of cake did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Something you would like."

"I like everything."

"I know," she said, sounding both annoyed and resentful. "Which is why it was so difficult to choose one."

"Cake does sound good though. Should we go get one now first? Before we go?"

"Forget it. It would waste too much time. It's okay, I'll make it up to you later."

"Is that so?" I wanted so badly to turn around to look at her, but I kept my eyes on the road. "How so?

Irene didn't answer. And I knew better than to push. A surprise is a surprise. That's how these things work.

"Did you talk to your father by the way?" Irene asked, swerving the conversation so far elsewhere, it may as well be in another universe. "Is he coming?"

"He is," I simply said.

"I see."

She sounded kinda disappointed. Or maybe I was just imagining it. Hopefully, I was.

"So what's on the agenda today?" I asked, attempting to pull things back to lighter topics. "More training without magic? Gonna have me run laps around the forest to work on my cardio today or something?"

"Nothing like that," she said. "In fact, today is predominantly going to be based around utilizing your magic."

"Oh?" I perked up a little. That sounded interesting. "So… like, what? Are you going to teach me how to defend myself with it? Fight?"

"Maybe. We'll see. But before we get to any of that, I need to know what you can do first."

I scoffed at that. "Right now, not very much. As you're probably aware."

"Wrong," she said.

"Wrong?"

"You're not doing very much, yes, that's true," Irene said. "But that doesn't mean you aren't already capable of doing more. You just don't know it yet."

"And you do?"

"I might have an idea," she said vaguely. "Which is why, today… we're going to find out just how much more."