Chapter 51-A life without her

Chapter 51: 51-A life without her

There was something about the way Nathaniel talked about Yaya that made Aymara realize how much of his life she had missed out on.

While she had been living her life with Dylan, Nathaniel had been living his own.

He had made memories she knew nothing about, developed habits she had never seen, met people whose names she had never heard, and even found a little white cat whom he had loved for five years.

Five years of ordinary mornings and quiet nights, waking to the soft scrape of claws against the floor, measuring out food while the kettle warmed, worrying when the cat hid beneath the bed, learning the small language of her moods, and building a life that no longer included Aymara.

Aymara lowered her gaze, pressing her fingertips together until the skin around her nails tightened.

She didn’t know this Nathaniel. Not completely. The realization stung.

She could almost feel the weight of every missed morning settling beneath her ribs, each one a moment she could no longer ask him to remember with her.

She had once believed knowing him was effortless, something she had earned simply by growing up beside him. She remembered the old afternoons when they had shared a bench after school, his shoulder warm against hers, and how she had known from the sound of his footsteps whether he was tired or amused.

Now, every new detail revealed another part of his life that she had missed and yet beneath the regret, curiosity began to take shape.

What had made him laugh during those years? What had kept him awake at night? Which habits had he picked up, and who had become important to him? What kind of life had he built?

She wanted to know the details she had missed: the first time the white cat had climbed into his lap, the meals he had eaten alone, the nights he had reached for his phone and found no message from her.

Not because she could erase the six years between them, or become the person he had needed back then. She simply wanted to understand the man standing in front of her now.

Nathaniel was no longer simply the boy she had grown up with, the person she had once thought she knew better than anyone. He was a man with five years of memories she had never witnessed, a world she had never seen, and a life she was only beginning to discover.

For the first time, Aymara wanted to be part of that life and not to reclaim what she had lost, but to slowly become someone who belonged in his present.

"What else don’t I know about you?"

Nathaniel looked at her. He heard the question and understood what she wanted to know but he pretended otherwise, "What?"

Aymara hesitated and back down when she realized he hadn’t heard her. She shook her head. "Nothing," she smiled. "Just thinking."

"That new habit of yours is dangerous."

She rolled her eyes and hit her feelings far deep in her heart. She acted composed to hide how badly she felt out of place with him.

"Danger is all around us. What is the harm in getting it into my habits?"

Nathaniel’s lips twitched. He found nothing wrong with her having bad habits, infact, he didn’t even know if he had the right to have an opinion on her habits or anything else about her for that matter.

Aymara smiled. The awkwardness between them faded but only on the surface and then Yaya suddenly lifted her head and rubbed her face against Nathaniel’s chin.

Nathaniel’s entire expression melted again. "Oh, you want attention?"

"Meow."

"Come here," he hugged her closer.

Aymara stared at them. There it was again, that look, those eyes that expressed tenderness and complete devotion. Her jealousy immediately returned.

"She’s getting too much attention. She’ll get spoilt."

Nathaniel glanced at her. "She’s been separated from me for a few days. She deserves every bit of love I have to give."

"And i’ve been separated from you for six years."

The words escaped before Aymara could stop them. The moment they landed, silence fell.

Nathaniel stared Yaya, his hands holding her seem to tighten for a moment before he got hold of his emotions and loosened his hold.

Aymara’s expression changed. She hadn’t meant to say it like that but it was true. She had lost six years with him, time that she couldn’t get back.

Years of missed conversations, missed birthdays, missed meals, missed arguments, and missed laughter. Six years in which he had learned to live without reaching for her and now she was standing here, watching him happily reunite with someone else he loved.

Funnily enough, it was a ridiculous, fluffy, four-legged reminder of everything she had missed.

For one painful second, she wanted to ask whether he had ever missed her at all. Whether he had thought of her when he found Yaya, and if he had compared every new person to the girl who had abandoned him, and whether there had been any part of him still waiting.

But she had no right to ask when she had been the one who left.

It was also possible that Nathaniel got a cat just to spite her because he knows she hates cats but she dismissed the idea because his choices and decisions didn’t have to revolve around her. Why should they?

Nathaniel’s expression softened. "Aymara, are you okay?"

She looked away. Hiding the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. "It’s fine."

She forced a smile. "You’re allowed to have people and amimals you love."

Nathaniel was quiet. That went without saying, he was a person with a functioning system so he’ll obviously socialize. He looked down at Yaya and uttered. "She’s family for me."

Aymara’s heart squeezed tight. She looked at the cat again. Thinking of how the cat might have been an emotional support animal for Nathaniel, the one thing that got him through the darkest of years of her absence, she sighed.

"Fine."

"I’ll head inside. Don’t stay up until morning," he excused himself. He went to give her a hug while she reached out her hand for a handshake.

They both paused, Nathaniel smiled and switched to a handshake while Aymara opened her arms for a hug. Once again, they clashed.

"This..." Aymara lacked the words. Awkwardness swallowed the moment, whole.

"I’ll head inside," he turned around and rushed away as though stung.

Aymara watched him leave, a heaviness settling in her chest. The bitter truth still clung to her.

"Will time be able to heal the wounds in our friendship?"

She whispered, starting to have her doubts. Because the wounds in their friendship was too deep.

She reclined into the sofa and sighed for the millionth time. "I guess I’ll just have to wait to find out."