Chapter 265 - The Mirror Stag ( Part 4 )

"All you have to do," Rudy whispered, "is give me your memories."

"Memories?" Jennie gasped.

"Of me." Rudy touched her forehead, and the golden light started to intensify. "All the memories you have about me. Everything we talked about, every time you argued with me, all of our jokes and every moment we’ve spent together."

She looked at Jennie with an apologetic expression on her face. "In exchange, you’ll get the power to defeat Zuko."

Jennie stepped backward. "I can’t."

"You haven’t heard everything," Rudy suggested.

"Then you don’t have to."

"Jennie..."

"No."

This time her reply sounded much firmer. Rudy’s smile stayed the same, but the forest around them darkened.

"Think about it," she urged. "You can save everyone. You can erase all this suffering. You can make sure that nobody else dies."

"No," Jennie refused.

"Then what will happen to your memories?"

"They’ll disappear."

"And what will happen to you?"

Silence fell between them.

Jennie looked at her. "What will happen to the person who laughed at my terrible choices and complained about food and called me an idiot every five minutes?"

She tried not to cry but could not stop her voice from trembling. "What will happen to the sister who stayed with me even when she knew that I’m going to do something stupid?"

The light flickered. Rudy lowered her eyes. "If you forget about me, you won’t have to suffer anymore."

She stared at her for a long time. Then it dawned on her.

The forest showed her the kind of life where there was nothing but happiness without the pain. The forest offered her Rudy, Lilia and Snow—returned to the place they belonged in her heart. But it did not really offer them to her.

The forest offered her the shape of her happiness without the truth that would give the happiness any meaning.

And now it asked for the one thing that Jennie could never give back.

Her memories.

The sound of Rudy’s laughter. The warmth of her hand. The number of stupid arguments they had. The moment when Rudy smiled after telling a joke, waiting for Jennie’s reaction and then laughed even louder.

The memory of Rudy standing in front of Zuko. The memory of her death.

Especially the one.

Jennie hated that memory. Hated that she was able to visualize it so well—the way her eyes widened, the way her head got detached from her body and how blood spilled everywhere. Hated that she woke up with her heart racing and her throat burning from the scream that she did not even remember.

That memory was part of her life and of the life she spent with Rudy. To get rid of it, she would not only get rid of her pain. She would destroy the evidence that Rudy had been there; that she had fought. That she had loved her sister so much that she was ready to fight a monster that was able to destroy gods.

Jennie wiped tears with her left hand. "No."

The false Rudy looked up at her.

Jennie steadied herself. "I will not change you for anything."

"But you could save everyone."

"I know."

"You could kill Zuko."

"I know."

"And you could bring everyone back."

Jennie trembled. "Maybe. But what exactly am I saving if I will have to forget about you for it?"

The forest trembled too and Rudy’s expression became hard to read.

Jennie took a step forward. "I want to see Lilia. I want to hear your complaints about everything. I want to see Snow insulting me while pretending that he does not care."

Tears started streaming down her cheeks. "I want all of that so much that I can barely stand it."

The golden light above her chest started glowing.

"But I will not pretend that you died."

Jennie raised her left hand. "I will live with the pain of losing you if I have to."

For several seconds, the false Rudy did not move. Then she smiled—the same old mischievous smile that Jennie knew so well.

"That’s my sister."

Jennie trembled. "Rudy..."

She stepped forward and hugged Jennie. Jennie stood still.

The embrace was warm and familiar. Perfectly cruel.

Rudy leaned with her forehead on Jennie’s shoulder. "You know, you really are stubborn."

Jennie hugged her back. "Please don’t..."

"Everything will be fine."

"No, it will not."

"At least you will not be so annoying as you are now."

Jennie giggled, crying.

Rudy stepped back and looked at her in the eyes. "Listen to me, Jennie."

Her voice became softer. "You do not have to become Leonis to give any meaning to what is happening to you. You do not have to become a perfect hero. You do not have to save everyone to live."

Jennie’s breath caught.

"All you have to do..."

Rudy reached and tapped her forehead one last time. "Is just keep moving."

She smiled. "Even if you are afraid. Even if you lose. Even if the world throws all kinds of ridiculous problems in your way."

Her smile widened. "Especially then, idiot."

The golden light broke. The cracks appeared on Rudy’s body in the form of lines of radiance that ran from her fingertips to her shoulders. The forest disappeared in the place of the illusion.

Jennie reached out to her. "Wait!"

Rudy’s body started fading.

"Don’t go!"

"I’m not going anywhere you did not already take me."

Jennie stopped.

Rudy’s eyes softened. "You will remember me, right?"

Jennie nodded frantically. "Every day."

"Even the embarrassing things?"

"Unfortunately."

"That’s good. I was afraid that you would forget how I beat you at cards."

"You cheated!"

"Prove it!"

Rudy laughed—the bright and familiar laugh that gave life back to the darkness that was created by the forest illusion.

Then her body dissolved into millions of golden particles. Jennie’s hands closed in the empty space.

For a while, she did not move. Her left hand was still stretched forward. There was no forest anymore. She stood alone under the pale sky surrounded by ordinary trees whose branches reached the sky. She smelt the smell of wet earth and rain somewhere far away.

There was no illusion. There was no palace. There was no false queen. No little sister that offered her an opportunity to get rid of her grief.

There was only silence.

Jennie slowly lowered her hand. Tears streamed down her cheeks, but she did not try to stop them.

She did not save Rudy. She did not save Lilia. She did not save Snow. These truths remained the same—painful and impossible to change.

But she managed to refuse to give the forest what was still hers.

Her memories. Her love. Her name.

Jennie Queens.

Not Leonis KingHeart. Not the Sword King. Not the legendary warrior that people expected her to become.

Just Jennie.

A girl who has lost almost everything and tries to find a reason to continue to live.

She pressed her left hand against the silver-thread charm that hung on her wrist. Tiny purple crystal of the fox was pressing against her skin.

Roxy’s charm.

Another promise. Another person that waited for her somewhere beyond this forest.

Jennie closed her eyes. "I’m still here," she whispered.

These words sounded so fragile. But they were true.

She took a deep breath, wiped her face and went towards the light beyond the trees.

Something stirred softly behind her.

For one second, she imagined Rudy laughing once more.

Jennie paused. She turned around toward the disturbance.

"Rudy?"

There was no response, only the whispering of leaves.

Jennie paused there, listening to the silence for an extended period of time. Finally, she gave a sad smile.

"Yeah. That’s what I thought."

Then she turned around toward the light.

Her right hand dangled useless at her side. She was weak, and her magic was limited; and the Demon Emperor still had Astraeus. She didn’t have an army or Divine Swords. She had no assurances that the weapon she was looking for would defeat Zuko.

And the ones she loved were gone.

But she had the memories. She had a life together. And she had a future, however uncertain it may be.

Jennie resumed her walk.

The forest began to grow thinner somewhere ahead. Through the trees in the distance, a silver glow shone on the horizon, lighting up the contours of an ice-covered lake. A gust of wind swept across the branches, carrying with it the low howling of wolves.

Jennie lifted her head.

For one second, the sounds reminded her of Snow—the way he talked, the way he complained and the undying loyalty he had shown her. But then the wind ceased, leaving nothing but the distant reflection of ice.

She clutched the charm at her wrist and continued walking.

She would mourn for Lilia. She would honor the memory of Rudy. She would remember Snow and the sacrifice he had made.

But she would not allow the past to consume her.

Not today. Not ever.

Because there would be another guardian of the Celestial Battlefield somewhere beyond the ice-covered lake. And if Jennie wished to have a hope against Zuko, she would have to face him or her too.

She emerged from the woods. The trees blocked her way.

And the trial was not over yet.