Chapter 99: Sadie: The Boy In The Woods

SADIE

"Hey, don’t say that." Lola pulls me into her arms, holding me tightly. "It’s not your fault. It wasn’t your fault with Ezra, and it’s not your fault now."

I close my eyes and cry into her shoulder. I’m angrier than I am hurt, but tears are how my body wants to handle that. I’d rather put all this energy into hating Trey, except I can’t seem to do that properly either. I could give a whole presentation on why he deserves it, but somehow, I can’t hate him.

Lola rubs my back, and lately, it feels like she’s spent most of her time helping me recover from something. Not that we’re keeping score, but freshman and sophomore year, I was usually the one holding her while her toxic boyfriend found another reason not to leave her alone. I’d hug her for as long as she needed, wishing there was something else I could do.

This must have been how she felt. I’m warm, I’m being held, and I’m grateful I don’t have to cry by myself anymore. But eventually, I’ll have to lift my head, and everything I told her will still be true.

"Those brothers are..."

A sound echoes through the dorm, and Lola pulls back, her eyes going straight to the closed door. We listen to footsteps cross the hall before the front door opens and closes. That must be her hookup.

Whoever he is, I appreciate him saving the introductions for a day when I can participate.

"Right. Now that he’s gone, let me get dressed." She pushes herself up from the bed. "We’re going to Trey’s. I need to beat the shit out of him."

I catch her hand and pull her back down before she gets any further with that idea.

"I don’t want to see him." My fingers tighten around hers. "I want to hit him, but that means looking at him, and I can’t do that right now."

"Then stay here. I’ll go." She shakes her head at me. "I’m so mad for you. How do you do that to someone and still think you’re a decent person?"

"Lola, please—"

"What? If you’re not going to beat his ass, I’ll handle it."

She makes another attempt to get up, but I pull her down before I end up going with her. An angry breath leaves her as she turns to me.

"Look at me." She cups my face. "You’re not blaming yourself for what Trey did. Anybody would’ve fallen for him and his stupid face. You needed help, and he offered it. Nobody expects a background check before accepting help."

I wish hearing that was enough to make me believe it. I’d happily let her be right if my head would stop supplying examples of things I should’ve questioned.

"This is about him, Sadie." She drops her hands and pushes them through her hair. "I just... fuck. Was he that desperate for a live-in girlfriend? And why you? Does he have some weird brother’s-ex kink? Is that what this is? Because I’m genuinely lost."

I sniffle and shake my head, wiping my cheeks. She’s asking the wrong person. I thought I understood him a few hours ago, and look how well that worked out.

I kick off my shoes and ease myself down, my back and shoulders aching as I reach for a pillow. Holding it against my chest gives my hands something to do besides wipe my face again.

Lola kicks off her slippers and climbs in beside me, squeezing onto the bed before wrapping an arm around me.

"Please don’t start crying again," she murmurs, pulling me close. "I’m still trying to calm down. You’ll have me back on my feet."

I’m not sure I have another round in me. Getting here and telling her everything took most of my energy, and my brain is using what’s left to replay something I haven’t figured out how to feel about yet.

"We met five years ago. Not on your birthday. I was seventeen."

"You were the one who saved me that night. You forgot, didn’t you?"

My fingers press into the pillow.

"I didn’t recognize him," I whisper.

"Who?" Lola lifts her head to look at me.

"Trey." I swallow. "Five years later, and I had no idea it was him."

"Wait, what do you mean?" She shifts beside me so she can see my face.

FLASHBACK — SADIE, (SIXTEEN YEARS OLD)

SILVERCREST PACK

It’s freezing. Every breath fogs the air, and I’m starting to resent how much energy staying alive takes when I’m not allowed to eat.

Food is supposed to keep you warm on nights like this, but I haven’t had any in twelve hours. Paige decided I ruined her favorite heels while cleaning them, so now I’m hungry and cold and presumably becoming better at cleaning shoes.

"Oh gosh, I’m starving."

My flashlight moves along the path as I try to see beyond the trees ahead. With every step, the water bottle hanging from my arm hits my ribs.

I shift it, hoping to spare them a few knocks. There isn’t much padding covering those bones, and I’d rather not find out how easily they break somewhere nobody knows to look for me.

I’m not even sure how I got this far into the woods looking for juniper berries for Madam Kincaid. Whatever she needs them for apparently can’t wait until morning, when I might at least be able to see myself freezing to death.

"Juniper berries, juniper berries," I whisper, pushing branches aside with my free hand.

I keep the flashlight pointed at the ground, checking where I’m stepping before lifting it to search the bushes. Berries, snakes, rogue wolves. There’s a lot to look for, and only one of those things gets me dinner while others make me their dinner.

This is Lycan territory, where they work omegas until they have nothing left, barely pay them, then act surprised when some turn rogue. I feel bad for them. Just not enough to get devoured.

I need to find these berries and get back, or Madam Kincaid won’t let me eat. Otherwise, I’ll starve to death and meet the Goddess before I’m old enough to have much to discuss with her.

"Juniper berr—"

A branch cracks in the distance, and I stop so suddenly the bottle swings into my ribs.

I point the flashlight toward the sound, but the beam doesn’t reach far enough. I sweep it between the trees, waiting for something to move while my heart pounds hard enough to make listening difficult. Somehow, I’m sweating under my clothes while my fingers are still freezing.

What am I even doing this far out? If I die here, I’m not even sure anyone will blame the rogues. They’ll probably want to know why I kept walking.

As if going back without the berries is much of an option. I could leave the Kincaids, but then what? Who’s taking me in? How am I feeding myself without a job?

I swallow and keep the flashlight aimed between the trees. Whoever’s out there can leave me alone. Unless they know where the juniper berries are, in which case I’m willing to have a very brief conversation.

I take a breath and push past the branches ahead, stepping onto a clear stretch of path. The beam lands on a hand, and my foot stops before I can take another step.

For a moment, I stare at it, waiting to see the rest of the person. There has to be an arm somewhere. Hands don’t just—

A shiver runs through me, and I can’t finish the thought. I know I should move, but knowing that doesn’t seem to reach my legs. Even my breath feels stuck.

My shaking hand shifts the light across the ground, showing me more than I want to understand. There are body parts scattered in front of me, and I can’t make myself look away. I’m afraid to put my foot down anywhere except where it already is.

The beam catches someone against a tree. I stare at him, waiting for the light to show me something else I’ll wish I hadn’t seen, but his lips move.

"Help."