Chapter 90 Roof, Five of Us

They gave us one last night.

Not leave. A single evening. The night before quarantine. Every cadet allowed up to their family for six hours, from six until midnight, and then back down, and then the white rooms, and then the Meridian.

"Regulation twenty-two," said Liam, at breakfast, with his mouth full. "Family pass. Up to three squad members as guests, if the family consents." He swallowed. "I've checked. It still says three."

"There are four of you," said Seraphina.

"I know," said Liam. "I've thought about that."

"And?"

"And Luna's not a guest," said Liam. "Luna's the squad leader. Squad leaders accompany their squad on authorized excursions. Regulation thirty-one." He looked very pleased with himself. "Okafor showed me. Last night. She said if I could find a regulation that let five people on that roof, she'd sign it. And she said she'd be surprised if I could. And then she showed me thirty-one."

Luna, at the end of the table, put her spoon down.

"I said I'd come next time," she said. "On the roof. Months ago. When you went swimming without me."

"You did," said Liam.

"I didn't think there'd be a next time," said Luna.

"There's always a next time," said Liam Calder, "if you read the regulations."

Garnet answered the door.

She'd been waiting. I could tell. She was wearing her best dress, which was blue, with a white collar, and her good shoes, and she'd tried to do something with her hair that hadn't worked.

She looked at the five of us in the corridor.

Then she looked at Luna.

Then she walked straight past the rest of us, and stood in front of Luna, and looked up at her. A long way up. Luna was very tall, and Garnet was ten.

"You're the one who keeps things cold," said Garnet.

"Yes," said Luna.

"Lucas wrote it in a letter. You kept the ice cream cold. On the cake. So it didn't melt with all the candles."

"Yes."

"I love ice cream," said Garnet. "The terms say I can have it." She considered. "You kept the ice cream cold for my brother."

She looked at Luna for a long moment.

"Thank you," she said. And then, without any warning at all, she put both her arms round Luna's waist, and pressed her face into Luna's uniform, and held on.

Luna Windsor went completely still.

I watched it happen. Her hands came up. Stopped in the air. Didn't know where to go. She looked down at the top of Garnet's head, at the hair that hadn't worked, with an expression on her face I'd never seen before. Like somebody who'd been handed something very valuable and didn't know which way up to hold it.

Then, very slowly, she put one hand on the back of Garnet's head.

Just rested it there.

Her hand was cold. Garnet didn't seem to mind.

"You're very welcome," said Luna. Very quietly.

Mother fed us all.

Of course she did. Four extra at a table for four, and me, and Miss Pell bringing chairs from the bedrooms, and Genny correcting everybody's facts, and Garnet sitting on Luna's knee without asking, and Luna letting her. And Mother at the end of the table, standing up to serve, without the frame. With the blue ribbon on her wrist.

She looked at each of them. One at a time. The way she looked at people. All the way in.

At Liam, who was talking. At Toby, who wasn't. At Seraphina, who sat beside me and kept her chin up. At Luna, with Garnet on her knee.

She didn't say anything about any of them. Not then.

But when Miss Pell brought in the pudding, and everybody was busy, Mother leaned over to me and said, very softly:

"The tall one with the cold hands. That's the coffee."

"Yes."

"And the red-haired one beside you. That's Maura's."

"Yes."

Mother looked at the two of them for a long time. Luna with Garnet asleep on her shoulder. Seraphina beside me, very straight, pretending not to notice that my elbow was touching hers.

"Oh, love," said Mother. Very softly. With something in her voice I couldn't read at all.

And then she went to help Miss Pell with the custard.

At ten o'clock, Liam said, "Up."

In a whisper you could have heard on the fortieth floor.

"Up. Up. The roof. It's time."

"It's locked," said Genny, without looking up from her notebook. "Miss Pell had a new padlock fitted. After last time. It's bigger. It's got a case-hardened shackle." She turned a page. "I asked."

Miss Pell, in the kitchen doorway, didn't say anything. She reached into the pocket of her apron. And took out a small brass key. And put it on the table next to Genny's notebook.

"I'm going to bed," said Miss Pell. "I've had a very long day. I shan't hear a thing." She looked at me over her spectacles. "Mind you put it back on afterward. Locked."

And she went.

The roof was the same.

The garden, overgrown, gone wild in the dark. The long pool, lit from underneath, glowing blue like a piece of the sky that had fallen onto the roof. The steam coming off it, very faintly. And above it, very close, close enough that you felt you could reach up and touch it, the gold glass of the dome.

And beyond the glass, the stars.

And the moon. Low. Big. With the white spot on it. Brighter than I'd ever seen it from the cave.

Luna stopped at the top of the stairs.

She'd never been up here. She'd stood on the balcony at the gala, a hundred and forty floors up, but that had been a balcony. A railing. A drop. This was different. This was a garden on top of the world, with water in it, under the glass, under the moon.

She didn't say anything for a long time.

"I didn't know this was here," she said finally.

"Nobody does," said Liam. "That's the point."

Seraphina warmed the water.

She didn't say she was doing it. She just went and sat on the edge of the pool and put her feet in, and after a while the steam came up thicker, and the water went from cold to cool to warm, like a bath. The way it had last time.

Toby got in first. Very carefully. All the way up to his chin, standing on the bottom with his arms held out, the way he'd stood the first time.

"I can float now," he said. To nobody. "I practiced. In the cistern. With Hana's spheres." He lay back. Very slowly. And floated. On the warm water, with his arms out and his eyes on the gold glass, and the tuning fork in his pocket, and his face very serious. "Ten minutes. I can do ten minutes."

"Show-off," said Liam, and jumped in on top of him.

Luna didn't get in.

She sat on the edge, at the far end, with her boots off and her feet in the water. The water round her feet went cold. A ring of cold, spreading out from her ankles, in the warm. Seraphina saw it. Seraphina didn't say anything. She just made her end a little warmer, so it evened out in the middle.

I sat on the edge beside Luna. Not touching. An arm's length.

"He told me," she said. Very quietly. To the water. So the others couldn't hear.

I didn't ask who.

"Sunday. At dinner. He sent the cook home and he cleared the table himself and he sat down across from me and he told me." She was looking at her feet in the cold ring of water. "The kitchen floor. Four seconds. The doctors. All of it." She was quiet. "And then he cried."

I didn't say anything.

"I've never seen him cry," said Luna. "Not when Mother died. Not ever. He sat at the end of the table in his uniform and put his hands over his face and cried, and I didn't know what to do. So I sat there. And then after a while I went round the table and sat down next to him." She moved her feet in the water. "And we talked until midnight."

"About what?"

"That's mine," said Luna.

"All right."

"That's all I'm going to say about it."

"All right."

She looked at me sideways. In the blue light coming up from the pool.

"Thank you," said Luna Windsor. "For making him."

At eleven, we got out and lay on the warm stones at the edge of the pool. All five of us. In a row. On our backs. Looking up at the glass, and the stars, and the moon.

Nobody had planned it. It just happened. The way it had on the gallery, the night they gave us the launch date. Five people in a row, in the dark, not saying anything.

Toby was the first to talk.

"I wrote letters," he said.

Nobody said anything. We waited. With Toby, you waited.

"To my mum." He was looking at the moon. "In case." A pause. "One for every year. Until I'm thirty. That's fifteen." Another pause. "I gave them to Okafor. In an envelope. Sealed. I told her she's only to give one to Mum on my birthday, every year, if I'm not back. And if I am back, she's to give them all to me, and I'll burn them."

Nobody said anything for a long time.

"What's in them?" said Liam. Very quietly. Not like Liam.

"Different things," said Toby. "The first one's about the cave. And the second one's about the ship. And the third one's about Avalon. I made it up. What I think it'll be like." He was quiet. "And then they're about her. Things I never said. Things I remember. The song she sang, the night I had my first dose and didn't sleep. The way she makes the walls a bit quieter when I'm frightened, so I don't hear the neighbors." His voice didn't change. "And the last one, the one for when I'm thirty, just says thank you. On its own. On a whole page."

Nobody said anything.

Seraphina, beside me, had put her arm over her eyes.

"That's the best thing I've ever heard," said Liam. Very thickly. "And I hate it. I hate it, Toby. You're not allowed to need them."

"I know," said Toby. "That's why I wrote them. So I don't have to."

Liam sat up.

He did it fast. The way he did everything. And sat there on the warm stones with his knees up and his arms round them, very pink in the blue light.

"Right," he said. "Rule."

"Another Calder rule?" said Seraphina, from under her arm.

"A Squad Eight rule. A new one. Okafor's got five. Luna's got the counting. I want one." He looked down the row at all of us. "When we get there. When we've found each other. When we've done the five things and everybody's breathing and the bases are up." He took a breath. "The first thing we make out of Avalon, that isn't a wall or a filter or a water plant, is something to drink. And we sit down. All five of us. And we drink it. Together. And we get very, very stupid."

"We're not old enough," said Toby.

"We will be by then," said Liam. "Probably. It's eighteen months for the circles to meet. I'll be eighteen. Lucas'll be nineteen." He looked at Luna. "You'll be twenty. You can buy it."

"There won't be anywhere to buy it," said Luna.

"Then Lucas'll make it," said Liam. "He can make anything. He made the moon wet." He lay back down. "That's the rule. Something to drink. All five of us. Promise."

"Liam—"

"Promise," said Liam. "Out loud. Everybody. Or I'll set the garden on fire."

He would have, too.

"I promise," said Toby.

"I promise," said Seraphina, from under her arm.

"I promise," I said.

There was a long silence from the end of the row.

"I promise," said Luna Windsor. "And I'm not getting stupid. Somebody has to count."

And then Luna gave orders.

Of course she did. She sat up at the end of the row. Very straight. With her silver hair loose down her back, because the water had pulled the tie out, and she hadn't put it back.

"Listen," she said.

We listened.

"When we land," said Luna, "the pods will scatter. Okafor says they always scatter. The first wave landed an average of thirty miles from their assigned zones. So we won't be where the map says." She was looking at the moon. "So the map doesn't matter. Here's what matters."

She held up one hand. Palm out. In the blue light.

"Day one. Air. Water. Warmth. Plant your kit if you can. Stay alive. Don't move." A finger. "Day two. Same. Don't move. Lucas counts." Another finger. "Day three. If the link's working, we talk on it, and we pick a place. If the link isn't working." She looked down the row at me. "Everybody walks toward Lucas."

"Toward me?"

"Toward you. You're the only one who knows where everyone is. You'll know where we are before we know where we are." She put her hand down. "So everybody walks toward you. And you don't walk toward anybody." She looked at me very steadily. "You stay. You plant your kit, and you stay, and you build. And you count us every night. And we come to you. One at a time. However long it takes."

"Luna—"

"That's an order," said Luna Windsor. "From your commanding officer." A pause. "My father says you're to follow mine."

I didn't say anything.

"You'll want to come and find us," said Luna. "The first time one of us goes quiet. You'll want to go. You'll want to go back for the one you didn't count." Her voice was very calm. "Don't. Not on your own. Not until there's three of us with you. That's the only time I'll ever tell you not to go back." She looked at the moon. "Because if you go, and something happens to you, nobody can find anybody. You're the lighthouse. Lighthouses don't walk."

The pool steamed.

"Yes, Luna," I said.

At half past eleven, the lights in the pool went off.

All at once. On a timer, probably. The blue glow went out, and the garden went dark. Just the stars, now, through the gold glass. And the moon.

Nobody moved.

We lay there on the warm stones in the dark, in a row, looking up. The five of us. Toby at one end, with his hands folded on his chest. Then Liam. Then me. Then Seraphina. Then Luna at the far end, sitting up, with her arms round her knees, looking at the moon.

It was very quiet.

And in the dark, without saying anything, Seraphina's hand found mine.

I want to tell this exactly. Because it's the kind of thing people get wrong when they tell it after.

She didn't take my hand. She didn't hold it, the way people hold hands in the books Garnet reads. She didn't squeeze it, or lace her fingers through mine, or turn her head.

She just put her hand down on the warm stone between us. And moved it, a little, until the side of it was touching the side of mine. Her little finger against my little finger. Just touching.

And left it there.

It was very warm. Warmer than the stone. Warmer than the pool. The way her hand had always been, every time it had gone past me. Setting my cup upright. Moving a dish an inch further from my hand.

I didn't move mine away.

She didn't say anything.

I didn't say anything.

We lay in the dark, with the moon overhead, and the others breathing beside us, and her hand against mine. For the whole of the last half hour. Until Liam sat up at five to midnight and said, "We'd better go, or Okafor'll put us all on the beam, on the Meridian, which apparently exists."

And Seraphina took her hand back. Without hurrying. And sat up. And put her boots on.

And never mentioned it.

Not then. Not on the stairs. Not in the lift going down, with all five of us crammed in and Liam talking and Toby laughing and Luna very straight in the corner with her hair still loose. Not ever, in all the time after.

She never once mentioned it.

I put the padlock back on. Locked. The way Miss Pell had asked.

Genny was waiting at the bottom of the service stairs, in her nightgown, with her notebook. Of course she was.

"Was it good?" she said.

"Yes."

She looked at the five of us, coming down the stairs in the dark. Wet hair. Bare feet. Luna's hair loose. Seraphina's face very carefully ordinary.

She wrote something in her notebook.

"What did you write?" I said.

"Nothing," said Genny. And closed it. "It's for later."

At midnight, at the lift, I counted them.

Out loud. The way Luna had said. The way Okafor had said. Not because I needed to. They were all right there, in front of me, in the corridor on the sixtieth floor. But because it was the last time I'd count them standing in the same place for a long time. Maybe a very long time.

"Luna," I said.

She looked at me.

"Liam. Seraphina. Toby." A pause. "Lucas."

And then, because they were standing behind me in the doorway of the flat, in the light, watching:

"Mother. Genny. Garnet. Miss Pell."

Garnet waved.

"Nine," said Genny, from the doorway. "And Okafor. Ten. And Biscuit." She considered it. "And the tea towel. And the diamond." She frowned. "You should write them down. You'll lose count."

"I won't lose count," I said.

The lift doors opened.

Day 266. The roof. Five of us.

Garnet hugged Luna. Luna didn't know where to put her hands. Then she did.

Mother: "Oh, love."

Miss Pell's key.

The General told her. He cried. They talked till midnight. That's hers.

Toby: fifteen letters. The last one just says "thank you."

Liam's rule: something to drink. All five. Promised.

Luna's orders: everybody walks toward Lucas. Lucas doesn't walk. Lighthouses don't walk.

Seraphina's hand. In the dark. Half an hour. She hasn't mentioned it.

I'm not going to either.