Chapter 179: The Realm-Level Chatterbox

“Ay-yo-yo-yo… this Underworld road just keeps getting worse!”

The Underworld King slowly climbed to his feet, wiped the mud from his face, and with that single motion seemed to unlock some unstoppable switch in his body.

“I told them ages ago,” he began in a drawn-out, mournful tone, “that this path by the Yin River needed maintenance. I said, lay some stones, even gravel would do! But nooo, nobody listens. And now look—after all these years, still a pit every few steps! Honestly, this is all your fault, Ye Yuan. What did my poor Underworld ever do to you? You can’t just mind your own business up there? You had to bring your disciples and grand-disciples down here to stir up trouble too! Fine, fine, maybe they all have their reasons, but do they need to come so often? This realm is mine, not yours! You could at least go bother Heaven for once, why always me? Every time you appear, boom—craters everywhere! I swear, every time I fix the ground, you blast another hole! I was finally enjoying some peace, and then here you are again. Oh, and what’s this—finally took a disciple? A girl? Well, would you look at that! So your problem’s finally cured, huh? Let me tell you, raising a female disciple is a whole different—”

The torrent of words just kept going. The Underworld King plopped down cross-legged right where he stood, gesturing animatedly, mouth running faster than the Yin River itself.

Ye Yuan: “…”

Yun Jiao: “…”

(￣△￣；)

This man is a chatterbox… a realm-level chatterbox!

“So,” the Underworld King continued blithely, “what are you here for this time? Who ticked you off again? Go ahead, smash ‘em! Don’t mind me—wouldn’t help even if I wanted to. You’re stronger, I’ve accepted that. Just, for heaven’s sake, stop wrecking the riverbanks! I’ve got flowers growing here! Every time you visit, you blast a hole or two, and my poor blossoms—pfft, gone! Tell me, how’s a king supposed to get any work done like that? One day you’ll end up here yourself, and when you do, I hope you appreciate the scenery I’m maintaining for you. Speaking of which, since we’ve known each other so long, maybe you should come learn gardening from me. No? Fine. You’d probably freeze the flowers anyway. Flowers are like women, you know, delicate, responsive to care—”

Somehow the topic had veered into horticulture, and he was thrilled about it.

Yun Jiao finally tore her dazed gaze from the babbling king and noticed something odd. Along the riverbank, faintly visible in the dim Underworld light, were countless sprigs of green—thin stalks with narrow leaves, densely clustered together.

She blinked. Flowers? In the Underworld? Impossible… yet here they were, thriving amidst deathly gloom. Her scholar’s instincts kicked in.

“These… are they… Lycoris radiata?” she asked curiously.

The Underworld King froze mid-rant. Then, as if someone had poured oil on a fire, his eyes lit up like lanterns. The Chatterbox Soul reignited in full force.

“A fellow enthusiast!” he exclaimed. “Finally someone with taste! But, ah, you guessed wrong. These aren’t Lycoris. They’re Allium sativum!”

Before she could process that, he yanked up one of the plants. With a pop, out came a fat, white bulb—

A giant garlic.

Ye Yuan: “…”

Yun Jiao: “…”

(￣△￣；)

Excuse me WHAT—

Wasn’t the Underworld supposed to be blanketed in red spider lilies?

You’re telling me you planted GARLIC?!

Even if its scientific name is similar, you can’t just… actually plant garlic!

So that was why the “flower stalks” had looked familiar. She’d thought she was imagining things. No, they really were garlic sprouts.

Mythology betrayed me!!!

(╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

Yun Jiao’s soul died a little inside. The air was now faintly perfumed with that unmistakable pungent scent. She sincerely wished she could travel back in time and slap her earlier self for asking.

After several deep breaths, she forced her composure and managed, “Didn’t you say you were growing flowers? Why garlic?”

The Underworld King looked affronted. “This is a flower! Garlic blooms beautifully in five months. And the smell—ah! It’s useful! Those drifting souls? New ghosts? One whiff of this and they all know exactly where to go. No more getting lost on the Yellow Springs Road! Plus, this realm’s pitch-dark, the river’s hard to see. What if someone falls in? My garlic keeps them away! And best of all—souls don’t eat, so no one steals my crop!”

“…”

Yun Jiao had to admit—his logic was terrifyingly sound.

She glanced him up and down. The proud grin on his face screamed I am the Garlic King and I’m proud of it.

“…Why not grow scallions or coriander then?” she muttered. “Those smell even stronger.”

“Scallions? Coriander?” The Underworld King blinked, intrigued. He scooted closer on his knees, eyes shining. “Never heard of those! Tell me—what are they like? Stronger than garlic, really? Are they easy to grow? When do they flower? You seem like a kindred spirit—come, share your wisdom!”

“…”

Kindred spirit your face!

She immediately regretted speaking.

But the man didn’t need her to answer; apparently he was perfectly capable of holding both sides of a conversation by himself.

“Well, I doubt anything beats my garlic,” he mused aloud. “Look at this—green, plump, rich with yin energy. I’ve been cultivating these beauties for centuries. The whole Underworld is my garden now! Still, if you can find seeds for your scallion and coriander things, I wouldn’t mind giving them a try. Always good to diversify, right? Beats being like Ye Yuan and his hot-tempered bunch, who only know how to fight. I even heard Heaven’s immortals like planting peach trees. Bah, peach blossoms—what’s the use? Can they ward off evil? Can they flavor stew? My garlic, though—”

He was off again. His monologue stretched on, unstoppable. Yun Jiao’s eye twitched violently; even Ye Yuan’s temple vein was beginning to throb. If he weren’t the actual Underworld King, she was certain her ancestor would’ve blasted him into next week already.

To prevent that, she quietly sent a message talisman to the old man below, urging him to hurry up before she snapped.

Finally, mercifully, the Underworld King paused mid-ramble. “All this talk’s made me thirsty,” he said, glancing at their picnic spread. “Oh? What’s this? Looks refreshing!”

Before Yun Jiao could warn him, he reached for the fruit.

“Wait—!”

Too late.

After enduring the verbal torture for a full ten minutes, Ye Yuan finally acted. No spells this time—just one clean, efficient kick that sent the talkative king sprawling face-first into the dirt. Then, with perfect calm, he ground his heel down and twisted several times for good measure. Only when the Underworld King was half-buried did Ye Yuan stop.

Silence.

Glorious, blessed silence.

With a wave of his sleeve, Ye Yuan opened a rift in space, scooped up his little disciple, and stepped through. “Home,” he said curtly—snatching up all the snacks on the way.

The Underworld King remained face-down in the mud, muffled and motionless.

“…”

(End of chapter)