Chapter 64: Unfamiliar Things (3)

"——Senjumaru, was it?"

She relaxed the confused look in her eyes and lowered her head.

"...I’m truly sorry, and thank you. For willingly taking on such a hated role."

"Nah, I was in the wrong too. There were probably better ways to put it."

Obviously it would have been better if I’d stayed calm and rational and persuaded her properly. Letting my emotions run wild and provoking her was the worst possible move.

Frankly, there had been a real chance she’d punch me unconscious the moment I called her comrades garbage.

But even if I’d wrapped everything in careful concern, I didn’t think my poor communication skills could reach Grace’s stubborn heart—so I threw one hard word and put a crack in it.

It was less like searching for a key to open the door and more like kicking the whole thing down. This kind of thing could never be the proper approach.

But it was the only thing that came to mind. I was sure any normal method would fail no matter what, so I did it.

I’d probably regret it later when a better idea came to me, but it couldn’t be helped. I’d just accept that this was my limit.

"However—fufu, ’idiot,’ and ’use some common sense,’ was it? Being yelled at with that kind of language... that was a first for me. I’ve only been scolded by others a handful of times."

"First time I’ve ever spat lines like that at a blonde ojou-sama too. Ideally I’d like it to be the last."

Yelling at someone else really drains your stamina.

Honestly, I never wanted to do the same thing again. Especially if I couldn’t even guarantee success next time.

"I was just told to keep an eye on that... less-than-well-behaved man for a little longer. Officially I’m here on leave, so I’ll return home for a while and rest."

"...You don’t need to see Leas?"

"I do think I must meet her. But—it’s pathetic of me to say, but I’m afraid. So first I’ll try confiding my weakness to my family—to my younger brother."

Because she had been performing the perfect self in her letters, exposing her current self was a little frightening, she said.

It wasn’t that she thought Leas would abandon her, or that she didn’t want to become a burden—her brows lowered as she showed a weak face, admitting she still lacked the courage to take that first step.

"Well, that part can’t be helped. But once you’ve recovered a bit more, go see Leas."

Leas already knew that Grace had fought as Sacred Knight.

If she returned to Calmate without meeting her—Leas would definitely feel down. And if Zero Ko mentioned that she had met Grace, it would only make it worse. Why won’t she see me?

But I couldn’t bring myself to force the current Grace.

So as Shusawa Senjumaru, and as Atel Octo, I would help that girl.

Fortunately Leas had been stabilizing mentally lately. She might look lonely or depressed, but a little support should be enough for her to face forward again.

And that should be the same for Grace.

As long as she didn’t choose the wrong direction, she would recover before long. Now that she had the leeway to voice her weakness, her comrades and family would support her.

——Even though I nearly died, the return is pretty damn good.

If both Leas and Grace were in perfect condition, we’d have a huge advantage against Alter.

Of course I understood that defeating him wasn’t the end goal. I couldn’t forget Niekawa’s advice and screw up.

But even so, more fighting power was better than less. I still couldn’t draw a clear picture of the future, but if things continued like this we shouldn’t end up simply losing in battle and that being the end.

"However—you seem quite close to Leas, don’t you? It’s true she was the type of child who would sulk if she wasn’t relied upon."

While I was thinking about the future and worrying, Grace smiled enjoyably.

Somehow it was a smile I’d seen before.

The kind girls make when they gather and talk about who is good, or who apparently likes which boy.

"I’m sure that girl is happy to be thought of by someone like y—"

"Stop."

I cut her off without thinking.

"I’m... not like that..."

What came to mind was the moment I had fully awakened as a Monster Villain.

The me who could only think about humiliating Leas—Sacred Saber.

Remembering the me who had dashed out declaring that I would be the one to violate her, to defile her, that I wouldn’t hand her over to anyone, made me want to die from self-loathing. With what mouth was I spouting high-and-mighty things?

If I hadn’t had the memories from my previous life, even if I’d managed to keep my reason, I never would have chosen to fight alongside the Sacred. Someone else will handle it. Someone better than me will handle it—I would have made those excuses.

In the end, the only reason I was stepping forward like this was because "in this worldview, the only one who can fulfill my role is me." If this world had been a wholesome game, fighting alongside the Sacred would have been left to someone properly acting as a hero.

——Ah, what a backward way of thinking.

If I could resolve myself here with "I won’t lose to desire, I’ll save them!" I’d be a little better... but I couldn’t even manage that level of mindset.

I thoroughly thought: if someone was going to awaken to previous-life memories and stand against the protagonist, a guy like Niekawa would have been far more fitting. He would never accept the usual developments of a violation game, and would have risen up declaring "I’ll overturn this kind of ending."

"...I don’t understand what kind of worries you are carrying."

A gentle voice was directed at me, who had somehow lowered my head.

"But please remember just this— I think of you as a kind gentleman who sincerely concerns himself with a troublesome and foolish girl."

"——You... after everything I said, don’t go talking yourself down like that."

I said I wanted that to be the last time, I glared at her with half-lidded eyes—and for some reason Grace let out a soft kusu-kusu laugh.

"I’ll return those words exactly as they are, Shusawa-sama— if you keep demeaning yourself like that, you’ll end up like me."

"Gu—"

I felt a boomerang stab into the top of my head.

Toward me twisting my face, Grace raised a finger and admonished me. 𝘧𝓇ℯℴ𝓂

"Reflect on what should be reflected upon, and acknowledge what should be acknowledged. Otherwise—...ah, truly, I myself had forgotten even something like this."

She put on a bashful face as if she had finally noticed a huge bed-head after looking in a mirror, and I returned a small smile.

The situation of throwing boomerangs at each other was so stupid and funny I couldn’t help it.

——Frankly, I can’t trust myself that much.

But even so.

"...Yeah. Being unable to practice what I yelled at someone else about... is pretty pathetic."

Just a little, I thought I might try believing.

In the human named Shusawa Senjumaru, and in the illusion named Vigilante Atel Octo.

"I’m back~! Senpai Chijima~! Is Grace-san awake~!?"

"You’re late, junior! And don’t make me deal with a woman I just met for the first time—I was pretty close to my limit!"

—In the middle of that, the junior who had finally returned made me raise my voice without thinking.

Well, from the message it couldn’t be helped.

I understood that. But it was still true that I’d been at my absolute limit. Saying this much shouldn’t bring divine punishment.

While dramatically sighing I glanced toward Grace and saw her looking at Zero Ko with a somehow suspicious expression.

"...What’s wrong?"

When I asked, puzzled, Grace shook her head.

"...No. I simply felt pathetic for constantly making my junior worry."