Chapter 205 : Chapter 205

Chapter 205 : Reasons of Her Own (1)

The ‍​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌​​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​​​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​‌​​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌​​​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​​​​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​​​​‌​​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​​‌‌​​​​​‌​​‌‌​​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​​​​​‌​‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​​​​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌‌‌​‌​‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​‌​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌​‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌‌‌​​‌​‌​‌​​​‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌‌‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​​‌​​​‌​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌‌‌​‌‍audience with the Princess…… left me with nothing but questions in many ways.

What ‍​‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍could have been her intention in saying that she liked this haggard face of mine today of all days?

‘……One ‍​‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍of her characteristically tasteless jokes? If not, some kind of political gesture?’

I ‍​‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍had spent quite a long time with her and prided myself on having built a certain degree of understanding…… Yet there was no way to understand this matter at all.

Regina ‍​‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍would not have said something like that without thinking.

The ‍​‌​​‌‌​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​​‌‌​‌​‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌‌​​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌‌​‌​​​‌‌​‌​​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​‌‌‌​‌​​​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​‌‌‌‌​‌‌​‌‌‌​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​​​​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌‌​‌‌​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​‌​​‌​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​​​‌​‌‌​​​‌​​‌‌​‌‌​​​‌‌​​‌​‌​​‌​‌‌‌​‍many gifts, including precious Elixirs, that had been waiting in front of my dormitory room the day after the audience only deepened my questions.

Was that her way of expressing concern?

“Hmm.”

I did not know.

I had not fallen out of her favor. At this point, there was no one who could replace me, and there were even gifts like these.

Was that not enough?

I had the feeling that thinking too deeply about it would only be a loss, so that was what I did.

I was staying secluded in my dormitory while recovering, but that did not mean I could neglect my training.

One’s senses were blades that always had to be kept sharply honed. Who knew when or where an unexpected variable would appear?

Above all, now that I was eating more, it was ideal to exercise accordingly. Khan’s influence had been great in that regard.

In any case.

CLANG—!

The sound of practice swords striking fiercely against each other echoed through the training hall late at night during break.

The training hall was exceptionally quiet during break, before the term began, and naturally even more so late at night.

Thanks to that, I was able to loosen up and train, despite my tired body.

Of course, testing each other’s skills for the first time in a while was part of that as well.

‘……Has it been nearly a year? He has improved quite a bit.’

There was no lie in that thought as I caught my breath. Both the sensation I had gained from sparring with him and my rational understanding of how he grew in the original 『Arche』 told me the same thing.

However,

CLANG—!

It was still not comparable to the ability and experience I had accumulated through thousands of regressions.

‘Khan’s swordsmanship has a rational goal, but the way he realizes it lies in his wildness.’

His attacks appeared fierce and irregular, but at their core was a cold rationality.

Once one saw through his intent, the irregularity lost its advantage.

CLANG, CLANG—!

“……!”

As I deflected every fierce attack with concise movements, a subtle but visible sign of agitation appeared in Khan’s eyes.

Then, in the instant he stepped back to catch his breath, an opening emerged along with that agitation.

It was only an instant, but if I were the kind of person to miss even that instant, I would never have made it through so many deaths to reach this point.

THWACK—!

Like threading yarn through the eye of a needle, my practice sword struck the lower end of the hilt Khan held at the exact moment.

Even Khan, with his outstanding physical ability, would not have been able to endure this attack without letting go of his practice sword.

CLATTER, CLACK.

As expected, the practice sword flew through the air and rolled helplessly across the floor.

‘Is this about right?’

This sparring match was meant to loosen up, but it was also intended to gauge my own level.

The power balance in the original 『Arche』, as I understood it, was a relative standard based entirely on the protagonists.

Therefore, I had tested myself against Khan, whose course had deviated the least from the original work.

‘Now, nine times out of ten…… Perhaps even all ten times.’

That was the conclusion of the test.

Even through pure close-quarters combat alone, excluding 『Overcoming Ten Thousand Deaths』, Origin Magic, marksmanship, and various supplementary techniques, I had reached a level where I could crush him overwhelmingly.

During the early regressions, up through the first semester of my first year, I had been so inferior that I would lose all ten out of ten matches…… Compared to that, it was growth remarkable enough to make one look at me anew.

The process had been stretched out through so many repetitions that I could not easily feel it myself…….

“I am no longer even an opponent for you.”

For Khan, it must have carried an entirely different meaning.

“……That is talent frightening enough to inspire fear. Only two years have passed, yet I am now the one falling behind.”

“…….”

Talent frightening enough to inspire fear.

Me, who had grown so terribly slowly.

Then again, from the outside, I had gone from being a Wastrel Young Master to this level in only a little over two years.

And since Khan had been with me from the beginning of my regressions and sparred with me several times, there was no way to explain it as anything but abnormal talent.

But what else could I say?

“It seems my experiences on the battlefield were effective.”

I merely made an excuse along those lines, saying that it was thanks to gaining experience in real combat.

Strictly speaking, it was not much of a lie.

“If that were all, you would not have been pulling ahead even before going to the battlefield. Though I did not realize it was to this extent.”

So he had known. Then again.

It was true that I had already held a considerable advantage before going to the battlefield.

I had been inferior until Railroad Mysterium, evenly matched after the Exchange Meeting, and superior after the decisive battle against Grændal.

I had held back as much as possible to avoid revealing my abnormal growth…… But it seemed I could not escape his sharp senses after all.

“……But Mr. Khan, you were not fighting at full strength either.”

Khan’s foundation was swordsmanship and other close-quarters combat, but the core of his combat style was Spirit Magic.

Just as in the original 『Arche』, he must have developed his Spirit Magic further during his previous return home, in his confrontation with Akmandar, First Astro of 『Ad Astra』.

In effect, he had been fighting as though unarmed.

I could not call myself at full strength either, given my weakened physical condition and the absence of Origin Magic and marksmanship that supported my combat.

Therefore,

“Let us spar once more.”

“What do you mean……?”

“With both of us using all our strength.”

My physical condition was at its worst, and my head still reeled from the nightmares that had plagued me ever since meeting Robelia.

Even so, how far could I go?

What level was my full strength at, exactly?

I intended to find out now.

“I-.”

“Enough, enough.”

The moment Khan was about to answer, the voice of a middle-aged man echoed through the training hall.

It was familiar and lighthearted.

The person standing where I turned my head was.

“Do you know how much his Spirit Magic has improved? If he goes at it seriously, he will tear this training hall to fucking pieces.”

A masked man approached while shaking his head with his characteristic sly gesture.

It was Acaite, my assigned professor and mentor.

“……Professor.”

The sight of him waving his prosthetic hand, which he had begun using after losing one arm to Grændal, was truly something.

“Yeah~ I am your professor. It has been a damn long time. Have you been well?”

“More or less.”

“More or less, my ass. Looking at that face of yours, you seem to have suffered quite a bit.”

Though he was a high-ranking knight who had reached the pinnacle of knighthood, a Master Knight, his easygoing manner had not changed.

“Sorry for interrupting, but you want to spar, is that it?”

Perhaps that was nostalgic in its own way.

The words that followed instantly swept away such thoughts, however.

“Then try a bout with me instead. Leave all restraint behind and come at me with everything you have.”

……Honestly, I had never imagined things would turn out this way.

Acaite’s unexpected interruption, and on top of that, sparring with him.

‘Well, it was a valuable experience.’

Come to think of it, I had never sparred at full strength with a Master Knight. I had merely made arbitrary judgments based on rough standards.

Moreover, Acaite’s fighting style used various means and improvisation to make up for insufficient physical ability…… In a way, he was the same type as me.

In other words, he was the completed form of the style I had aimed for. I could not deny that the chance to fight someone like that seriously was great fortune.

And that this sparring match was of great help to me as well.

Though I had no idea what Acaite had been thinking.

To suggest an all-out sparring match to a disciple he had not seen in a long time, without any warning. No matter how I thought about it, that was not a normal decision.

Then again, I had known from the beginning that he was not a normal person.

‘Perhaps it was his own form of guidance.’

Once one reached my current level, coaching or advice regarding one’s fighting style might no longer carry much meaning.

My overall strength was already on track even by Master Knight standards, and the general direction and foundation of my combat had been firmly established.

What mattered, then, was the sharp sense and instant judgment that could only be honed in desperate combat.

‘……Was that what he had calculated?’

Had he assessed the condition and strength of a disciple he had not seen in a long time at a glance, then provided the experience I needed most?

Had that truly been his intention?

Well, if one thought about it normally, it was a ridiculous idea. This was not merely a matter of requiring insight.

It would require an accurate understanding of the other person, the willingness to take on the effort of an all-out duel, and above all, a teacher’s sense of responsibility.

Did he truly possess such things?

…….

Hm.

I did not know!

He was such an impossible person to understand that I decided not to think too deeply about this subject.

No, perhaps it was closer to saying that I could not think deeply about it.

I frowned at the migraine pounding through my head and pressed my temple.

‘My head…….’

With Khan’s help, my body was gradually returning to proper health, but the problem with my mind remained unchanged.

When I closed my eyes, only horrifying memories emerged, memories that I could feel only in fragments.

Enlight Estate, a bedroom, Robelia, a library, the moment of death, The One…….

Those memories were painful enough by themselves, but the greatest problem was the sensation of Original Rain Enlight’s memories mixing with my own.

An indescribable sense of rejection. There was no other way to express it.

Even if I barely managed to fall asleep, that was not the end. I had nightmares every day, and after waking, I would spend the night unable to sleep again.

Tonight was the same.

I had worked my body almost to the point of abuse for the first time in a while, so I thought I would be able to fall asleep easily…… Yet here I was.

Even when I closed my eyes, sleep would not come. It only hurt more, so I ended up taking a walk at dawn.

STEP.

Even so, my troubled heart did not settle.

At least this was not a battlefield openly scattered with dangers, but even at this moment, who knew whether someone was after my life?

Considering how many assassination attempts I had faced just last year, there was no way I could let down my guard.

“……I’m tired.”

Since I was alone, the thought unconsciously slipped out through my mouth.

It was a rather rare experience in a life where I always had to hide my thoughts, keep my secrets, and pretend to be a hero.

‘There is a sense of release to it, too.’

So, taking this opportunity, I voiced another thought I had kept in my heart.

“……Perhaps it would be easier to die.”

It was not entirely sincere, but neither was it entirely false.

It was something I had thought for a long time.

What if I had accepted The One’s offer at the Exchange Meeting instead?

Or what if, even now, I threw myself at an enemy who used mental attacks and let myself be incapacitated?

Rather than living in pain, perhaps it would be easier if I died.

I had no intention of doing so, but thoughts like that could still be tempting at times.

I still did not understand why I had no intention of doing it.

Why was I struggling so stubbornly to stay alive?

As my thoughts reached the realm of futile philosophy.

“……Rain?”

From behind me on the dawn path I had been walking, a familiar voice called out.

It was the clear voice of a girl who always faced others as her unadorned self, a voice sincere to the core.