Chapter 9: THE WORST DATE IN HUMAN HISTORY

The next town was called Elmsford.

It had an inn, a market, a small adventurer guild, two bakeries, and—according to the System—an optimal environment for romantic progression.

The moment they passed the town gate, the System chimed.

[Travel Quest Complete!]

[Reward: Biological Age -2 Years]

Warmth rolled through Vael.

His biological age settled around sixty.

Lyria stared at him for several seconds, then apparently decided she had reached her daily limit for impossible questions.

Vael checked into the cheapest room available.

The System immediately produced a quest.

[MAIN QUEST: FIRST DATE]

Vael dropped his travel bag.

"No."

[Invite Lyria to spend at least four hours with you in a recreational social context.]

"No."

[Reward: Biological Age -5 Years]

Vael paused.

"...Define date."

[There it is.]

By evening, Vael had prepared an operational document.

Lyria found him in the inn’s common room.

"What’s that?"

"Tomorrow’s schedule."

She read the page.

08:00 — Rendezvous.

08:15 — Acquire food resources.

09:00 — Secure entertainment objective.

10:30 — Controlled scenic observation.

11:45 — Meal.

12:30 — Contingency buffer.

Lyria slowly looked up.

"Are we invading somewhere?"

"No."

"Robbing a bank?"

"No."

"Then why does breakfast have a contingency buffer?"

"Anything can go wrong."

"With breakfast?"

"Especially breakfast."

She laughed.

"All right."

Vael blinked.

"All right?"

"I’m free tomorrow."

The System exploded into hearts.

[DATE ACCEPTED!]

Vael wanted to die again.

The next morning, everything went wrong immediately.

Lyria arrived twenty-three minutes late.

Vael informed her.

She bought a pastry and shoved half into his mouth.

They visited the market.

Vael evaluated vendor escape routes.

Lyria bought earrings.

They attended a street performance.

Vael spent ten minutes identifying hidden knives on the performers.

"They’re jugglers," Lyria said.

"They are armed."

"With juggling knives."

"That is still armed."

During scenic observation, Vael selected a hill with clear lines of sight and defensible terrain.

Lyria stared over the town.

"It is pretty."

Vael had chosen it because no assassin could approach unseen.

He did not say that.

At lunch, the System gave a side objective.

[Say something romantic.]

Vael nearly choked.

Lyria looked up from her soup.

"You okay?"

"Yes."

[Attempt required.]

Vael studied her.

Silver hair.

Blue eyes.

Good posture.

Strong sword calluses.

"Your cardiovascular endurance is impressive."

Lyria’s spoon stopped halfway to her mouth.

[Romance: 0%.]

Vael tried again.

"Your facial symmetry is above average."

Lyria stared.

[Romance: -2%.]

"This system is unreasonable," Vael muttered.

"What system?"

"Nothing."

Finally, in desperation, he said, "I enjoy traveling with you."

Lyria went still.

Vael immediately regretted saying it.

Not because it was false.

Because it was true.

Lyria smiled.

"See? Was that so difficult?"

"Yes."

She laughed again.

The System chimed.

[Side Objective Complete.]

They spent the rest of the afternoon without following Vael’s schedule.

This offended him deeply.

They watched a ridiculous puppet show about a heroic knight defeating an evil Demon King.

The puppet Demon King had horns, wings, and a tail.

Vael had never possessed any of those.

"This portrayal is historically inaccurate," he whispered.

Lyria laughed so hard she had to wipe tears from her eyes.

Vael stared at her.

Something in his chest felt lighter.

He did not like unexplained physical symptoms.

[Date Progress: Excellent.]

"Do not."

"What?"

"Nothing."

For the first time, Vael forgot to check the time.

As sunset colored Elmsford orange, the System appeared.

[MAIN QUEST COMPLETE: FIRST DATE]

[Reward: Biological Age -5 Years]

The change was subtler than before, but unmistakable.

His remaining gray hair retreated. His shoulders filled out. His reflection in a shop window now belonged to a man around fifty-five.

Lyria looked from the reflection to him.

"I am going to pretend I did not see that."

"That would be wise."

She walked three more steps.

Then stopped.

"Actually, no. Eventually you’re explaining it."

"Eventually is a very useful word."

"So is liar."

Vael looked offended.

The System displayed:

[She has a point.]

He hated being outnumbered by one woman and one hallucination.