Chapter 44 - 42-On the Porch

Mornings on the farm were always chaotic and strange.

They usually began with something called a rooster making an awful amount of noise, which was apparently its way of telling everyone that it was time to wake up. The first time Neria heard it, she had been startled out if his wits.

She had no idea what the horrible screeching creature was or why anyone would willingly keep something that made such a sound.

By her third day on the farm, however, she had grown used to it.

Mostly.

The Grand Duke had gotten better.

Unfortunately.

His fever had gone down, if not disappeared completely. He had stopped coughing blood, and the awful wheezing in his chest had faded into an occasional cough. According to Edina, he was still pale and looked tired whenever Neria happened to see him in the mornings, but he was no longer stumbling around like he might collapse at any moment.

And, unfortunately for her, he was still just as intimidating as ever.

Darian seemed to be everywhere she went.

If Neria was in the barn helping Edina milk the cows, Darian would eventually appear nearby, leaning against one of the wooden posts with his arms crossed as though he had nothing better to do which she was sure he didn’t. If she went outside with Gale while he fixed the fences, Darian would somehow find a reason to be there too.

And then there had been the hen.

Neria still wasn’t entirely sure what she had done to offend the creature, but one moment she had been peacefully gathering eggs to help out Edina and the next she had heard an angry squawk before something started chasing her across the yard.

The creature had no shame chasing around a half blind person who stumbled in her feet.

Darian had appeared almost immediately, she swore she heard him snicker before stepping in to help.

Neria still wasn’t sure what he had done, but the creature had eventually wandered away, leaving her breathless and clutching her basket.

She had to admit, she was glad he had been there.

But that was the only time.

It was sunset on their third day at the farm when Neria found herself sitting on the old wooden swing attached to the porch. The chains creaked softly above her every time she moved, and the cool evening breeze brushed against her face.

Her walking cane rested in her hand..

Edina had given it to her a few mornings before after noticing how often Neria stumbled whenever she walked across uneven ground. Neria had been embarrassed at first, but she had quickly discovered that she liked having something to guide her.

She gently pushed her foot against the wooden floorboards and let the swing move.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

She stared towards the horizon.

She couldn’t really see the sunset. Everything beyond a certain distance was nothing more than blurred shapes and patches of color. Still, she could make out the warm orange glow spreading across the sky, even if she couldn’t see the details that Edina had described to her earlier.

A sky painted in gold and pink.

Neria tried to imagine it.

She closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath.

The evening air smelled different from the estate. It carried the scent of grass and damp. From inside, she could smell Edina’s apple pie baking in the kitchen, the warm scent of cinnamon and cooked apples drifting through the open windows.

Neria smiled faintly.

She liked it here.

No one kept her locked inside a room. There were no guards standing outside the door.

No crowds of strangers staring at her. No one touching her in ways she didn’t like.

She could walk outside whenever she wanted.

She could breathe.

It had been long since she felt that way, she couldn’t remember the last time she this way. Maybe it was back in the sea. With Nerissa.

Her fingers tightened slightly around the walking cane.

A voice called her name.

"Neria."

Her smile disappeared. She slowly opened her eyes.

Well. Almost free.

The Grand Duke still existed in this space too.

She heard him move closer, his footsteps quiet against the wooden floor. A moment later, the swing creaked beside her as he took a seat in the empty spot near her.

Neria turned her head towards him and gave him a very unimpressed look, despite the fact that she couldn’t even properly see his face.

"Don’t make that face," Darian said.

Neria’s brows furrowed. "What face?"

"That one." She stared at him for another moment. "It’s suspicious."

Neria huffed softly and turned her attention back towards the blurred sunset.

The swing started to sway again beneath them, its old chains giving a quiet creak with every movement. For a few moments, neither of them spoke. The evening breeze just moved.

Neria looked towards him. "Why are you out here?"

"Because I have free will, Neria," he answered flatly.

His answer earned an immediate frown from her.

She glared at him with all her might before turning her face away, though she knew perfectly well that he probably didn’t care how hard she was glaring at him.

"You don’t have to hover over me all the time," she muttered. "I’m not going to hurt anyone."

"I can’t be sure with you". The words came easily, almost casually.

Darian shifted beside her, moving farther towards the edge of the swing until there was more space between them.

She hated the way he spoke about her. As though she were some kind of cruel monster who was simply waiting for the next opportunity to hurt someone.

Maybe she was. She had killed several landwalkers. The people at the ball and he guard in the forest.

But she hadn’t done it because she enjoyed killing them. She had been trying to survive. She had been trying to protect herself.

Trying to protect what little she had left.

How dare he blame her for that, especially when she was already trying so hard not to lose herself completely?

Trying so hard not to simply end herself and be done with it.

Neria swallowed.

"You don’t know anything about me." Her voice trembled slightly, and she hated that it did. She tightened her grip on the cane and stared towards the fading colors of the sunset, though they were nothing more than soft, blurred patches in front of her.

"You have no idea how much I’ve lost."

Darian didn’t answer immediately.

The swing continued to move beneath them, the old chains creaking softly with each slow sway.

For several seconds, there was only silence between them.

Then Darian shifted. She could hear him turn slightly in her direction.

"You’re right." His voice was quieter now. "I don’t."

Neria’s fingers loosened slightly around the cane.

"I probably won’t." He admitted "But you hurt people who didn’t do anything to you."

Neria’s chest tightened.

She turned her face towards him, trying to see his expression through the blur.

"Didn’t do anything to me?" A disbelieving scoff escaped her throat.

"Didn’t do anything to me?" Her voice rose as she repeated again, trembling with anger. "They humiliated me. They tried to force me to eat my own people, and you think that didn’t hurt me?"

The memories came rushing back with her words. The Calypso meat that had been presented to her by the servants. The cold laughter of the nobles as she had been made to sit there and look at what they had done to her people. Her stomach twisted, she felt sick.

She shifted away from Darian and slowly pushed herself to her feet. The wooden boards beneath her bare feet creaked softly as she steadied herself with the cane.

"The servants you killed did nothing to you, Neria." his voice was firm and hard

"But they stood and watched!" she snapped. "And served my people "

Her hand trembled around the cane.

"Those nobles hurt me..." Her voice began to lose some of its anger, replaced by something much heavier. "And that guard..."

She trailed remembering that night in the forest. She didn’t like it.

Her stomach turned.

Neria swallowed hard, forcing herself to breathe as she stared at Darian’s blurred figure. She didn’t want to remember it. She wanted that memory gone.

Darian frowned.

He slowly rose from the swing, the old wooden seat creaking as his weight left it.

"What guard?" he asked.

Neria’s fingers tightened around the cane until her knuckles hurt. She stared at the vague outline of him standing before her.

Would he blame her for what happened? Would he still look at her as though she were nothing more than a murderer?

He probably would.

She could already imagine it.

You killed another one.

"Nothing."

The anger that had been burning through her slowly drained away, leaving her strangely tired. She turned her face aside, hoping the conversation would end there.

It didn’t.

"I asked you a question, Neria. Don’t tell me nothing." There was an edge to his voice now.

She heard his boots move across the wooden porch, each step bringing him closer.

"What guard are you talking about?" Darian demanded. "Did you hurt one of my men?"

Neria barely had time to react before his hand closed around her arm. She gasped as he turned her towards him.

"Let me go!"

She immediately tried to pull herself free, twisting her arm beneath his grip. The cane slipped from her hands to the floor, her heartbeat pounding loudly in her ears.

"Answer me!"

"The guard from the market!" she snapped. Her voice cracked beneath the force of the memory. "He was with the merchant who kidnapped me!"

Darian went completely still.

Neria’s chest rose and fell rapidly as she stared at his blurred face. His fingers started to loosen.

"He took me into the forest and..." Her voice faltered.

She swallowed. The words seemed to stick in her throat, her eyes burned.

"He started to touch me."

Silence fell between them.

Darian hadn’t spoken and the only thing that filled the silence was the distant chirping of crickets and the sound of her own breathing.

She lowered her head.

"I killed him," she whispered. Her voice was cracking. "He wouldn’t let me go." Her fingers loosened around the cane.

"I didn’t like the way he had touched me... So I killed him"

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Sorry still working in those chaps.. I have just been really really busy