Chapter 198: Lost Control

Lucian’s POV

How long does it take a bitch to get pregnant? I had fucked three of them, so at least one should have caught. Except none of them had a womb. Fuck!

After all those orgasms, I still couldn’t focus. Damn, this work had gotten tired of me, or I had gotten tired of it. Fuck it, it was everything put together. I was exhausted, bone-deep, soul-deep, of all of it. I wished I had an assistant alpha. If Valerie could do the job, I would hand it to her and go rest indefinitely. But being an alpha wasn’t just a job. It was a responsibility, and whether I felt like it or not, I had to be present, fulfil my duties and play my role.

"Hope you enjoyed yourself?" Valerie asked, stepping in after my encounter with the three bitches.

"You know what you did," I said.

She started to fret. What did I do?

I gave her a fist bump. "You did well. You know I like tight pussy."

She laughed. "Specially designed for you."

"Did you get her contact?" She knew exactly which woman I meant.

"Yes. She dropped it all with me."

"I’ll be needing her services in the nearest future. Take note."

She nodded. "Yes, Alpha."

And somehow, I still wasn’t satisfied. Something in me was craving more, but not with strangers anymore. It wanted someone I knew. Someone I loved. ℴℴ𝘮

Selene.

I wanted her so badly it hurt. I knew it was wrong to fantasise about another man’s wife, but I had no choice. I couldn’t control it. I had tried to see her face in the women I fucked, and it hadn’t worked. Not once. No one could ever be as sweet as my Selene. I wished I could just go and grab her, lay her out like a feast and take my fill, but no. She belonged to someone else, and that truth sat in my chest like a blade.

The thoughts went so deep that I couldn’t climb out of them. When I finally snapped back to reality, Valerie was already heading for the door.

"Valerie!"

She looked back.

"Get me strong, fresh wine."

I who never drank. That was a fucking serious change, and we both knew it. But what I was going through needed me to drown in something, and strong wine would do just fine. Valerie had no choice but to obey.

She returned with the bottle and a glass, and moved to pour.

"No. Don’t bother. Thank you."

She left quietly. Who said I wanted to drink from a glass?

I took the bottle in my hand and gulped it down like a champ. I didn’t even realise how far I’d gone until the burn had settled warm in my belly. It was fresh and intoxicating, just as promised, and I could feel myself unravelling. My eyes began to swim and the room doubled.

Just what I wanted. Now I could fantasise about Selene properly.

It was messy and dirty, there in my own room, doing the unthinkable. In my mind I had her beneath me, my mouth on her breasts, every inch of her mine, and I made her moan so hard she came apart against my mouth. The drink hit me like a second heartbeat, and for those few stolen seconds I didn’t feel tired. I didn’t feel empty.

Then the door knocked. "Alpha!"

It was Valerie. What the fuck was wrong with her? Didn’t she know I would be busy?

I set the bottle aside and told her to come in. She entered and saw it already more than half gone. She ignored it and looked straight at me, and I hated that she didn’t say a word.

"You have an inauguration to attend in forty-five minutes."

"What the... which inauguration?"

"The Bloodmoon inauguration of a new alpha."

"Oh, that." I pressed my palm to my forehead. "I honestly forgot."

"So are you still going, or should I cancel?"

"Don’t cancel. I’ll be ready in a jiffy."

She left me alone to prepare, and the quiet pressed in.

How was I supposed to go anywhere this high? I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face again and again, hoping it would drag me back to sober. The man in the mirror looked like shit. Red-eyed, hollow, a stranger wearing my face. I straightened my shoulders anyway and dressed. I had given them my word that I would be there, and an alpha never went back on his word.

I got into the car where Valerie was already waiting, and we drove to Bloodmoon. It was a fair ride, long enough for the wine to loosen its grip and the guilt to take its place. The only thing I hoped for was that the new alpha would be good. Cooperative. A man who had his people at heart.

Yet I didn’t think anyone could ever replace Roran.

When we arrived, the entire Bloodmoon community was out for the inauguration. Valerie and I were led to sit with the highly esteemed guests, and it was just about to start as we took our seats.

They hadn’t invited Selene and her bitch of a husband. I spotted them a little farther off from us. Bloodmoon and Winterwood were neighbours, so it was no surprise, but my eyes found her anyway and clung there longer than they should have. Sweet, unreachable Selene. I looked away before the ache could show on my face.

"You are all welcome to this inauguration. Can we all rise as we welcome the wolves of importance here."

Everyone rose. The announcer called my name, then my Beta’s name, since I didn’t have a Luna, and the words landed harder than they should have. He called out other names too, and clapping and cheering filled the air.

We sat again. It was time to reveal the new alpha.

"And now, our alpha and his Luna, carefully selected by the elders, a close friend of the late Alpha. Please welcome Alpha Xander and Luna Elena Moonridge!"

Everyone stood to clap, including me and my Beta, as he came out wrapped in glory, honour and prestige. It was only right that they gave it to a wolf who had been close to Roran, someone who understood his heart and mind and could reflect them. He and his Luna waved to the crowd, and the people looked happy to have him.

I walked over and offered him my hand. He had just joined the league of greatness.

And as our hands met, I wondered, quietly, if I would ever deserve a place among them.