Chapter 91: The Babysitter

Chapter 91: Chapter 91: The Babysitter

**Sunday, 5:30 AM — Felix’s Apartment**

*DING-DONG!*

Felix didn’t move.

*DING-DONG!*

His eyebrows twitched.

*DING-DONG! DING-DONG!*

"...Whoever you are, I hope you have a very good reason for wanting to die this early in the morning." He dragged a pillow over his head.

The bell rang again, and he cracked one eye open.

5:30 AM. His day off: specifically reserved for sleeping, eating whatever he wanted, gaming, and accomplishing absolutely nothing.

Someone was about to die.

He pushed himself upright, ran a hand through his hair, and stumbled toward the door with his eyes barely open and an expression that suggested he was reconsidering every life choice that had led him to this moment. He opened it without bothering to check how he looked.

"Who—"

"Hey, Felix! Good morning!"

Darius stood there, beaming, his wife beside him holding their three-year-old son’s hand.

Felix looked at Darius.

"You’ve got *that* look."

"What look?"

"The one you get right before you ask me for something annoying."

Darius pressed a hand to his chest. "Come on, Felix, have a little faith in me."

"I do."

"Really?"

"I have faith you’ll make my life miserable the second you get the chance."

His smile collapsed. "That’s hurtful."

"Good. Now tell me what you want."

His wife covered her mouth, trying not to laugh, while Darius glanced at her and turned back with a sheepish grin. "All right, all right, I need a little help."

Felix closed his eyes. "I knew it."

"Just hear me out."

"I’m listening."

"We’re going to Aurelia City. New water park opened last week, biggest in the federation, apparently. Massive slides, artificial waves, a whole tropical resort section, and—"

"Get to the annoying part."

Darius cleared his throat. "We were thinking of spending the weekend there."

"Good for you."

"And we were wondering—"

"No."

"—whether you could look after our son."

Silence. Felix stared. Darius smiled back, unbothered. His wife elbowed him gently.

"Darling, I told you to explain it properly."

"I *am* explaining it!"

"He looks ready to throw you off the balcony!"

Felix rubbed his face. "Let me get this straight. You woke me up at five-thirty to ask me to babysit your son for the entire weekend."

"Just today and tomorrow!" Darius added fast. "We’ll grab him tomorrow evening. Two days, that’s it."

"Two days."

"Exactly."

"You want me watching a three-year-old for two days."

"Yes."

"While you’re at a water park."

"Yes."

"With your wife."

"Yes."

"And I’m here."

A pause. "...When you put it that way it does sound a little bad."

"It sounds like exactly what it is."

His wife stepped in finally. "Felix, I’m sorry we came so early, we wanted to beat traffic, and figured it’d be easier to ask before he was fully awake."

He looked at her. At least she had the decency to look slightly guilty about it.

"What if I had plans?"

"You don’t," Darius said, confident.

"How would you know that?"

"Because every time I ask what you’re doing Saturday, you say sleep, eat, play games."

"Those are plans."

"Sleeping isn’t a plan."

"It is when I’m this tired."

His wife laughed softly and crouched beside their son. "Sweetheart, remember what we talked about?" The boy nodded enthusiastically, and she turned him gently toward Felix. "Tell Uncle Felix."

He looked up, eyes round and bright. "Unca Felix!"

Felix’s expression softened by maybe one percent. "Yes?"

"Can I stay with you?"

There it was. The finishing blow. The boy stepped forward, still gripping his mother’s hand, staring up at Felix with such pure, unguarded excitement that it was immediately obvious his own friends had conspired against him.

Darius leaned in. "He’s been talking about it since yesterday. Nearly jumped out of bed when we told him."

The boy demonstrated, bouncing twice on his toes. "Unca Felix house!"

Felix looked at the ceiling. *So this was a coordinated attack.*

Darius had brought the emotional support. His wife had brought the reasoning. And the kid had brought a weapon no sane adult could actually defend against: a three-year-old with stars in his eyes.

Completely unfair.

He crouched to the boy’s eye level. "Do you know what happens at my house?"

A shake of the head.

"We eat breakfast, then lunch, and then dinner."

"..."

"And sometimes," Felix said solemnly, "snacks in between."

The boy’s eyes went enormous. "*SNACKS?*"

"Yes."

"Unca Felix best!"

Darius burst out laughing. Felix slowly turned his head toward him.

"Sorry, sorry!"

His wife had given up hiding her smile entirely at this point. Felix sighed and looked back at the boy. "All right. You can stay."

"*YAY!*" He let go of his mother’s hand and threw both arms into the air, nearly toppling backward, and Felix caught him by reflex.

"Careful, we haven’t even made it past the door."

Darius let out a dramatic breath. "You’re a lifesaver, Felix."

His wife set a small bag by the entrance. "Clothes, toothbrush, pajamas, a few toys, his favorite bedtime story. Snacks are in the side pocket, there’s a water bottle."

Felix looked at the bag, then at Darius. "You came prepared."

"Of course."

"How long have you been planning this?"

An innocent smile. "Since Wednesday."

"...Get out."

"Wait, there’s more!"

"We’ll cover all his meals, buy you whatever you need, and—"

"You’re not buying me anything."

"Then I owe you a favor."

"One favor. Anything reasonable!"

"Define reasonable."

"Something that doesn’t involve an SS-rank monster or your paperwork."

"That rules out most of the useful things you could actually do for me."

His wife shook her head fondly. "Ignore him. Call if you need anything."

"Good, because if your son destroys my apartment, I’m sending you the bill."

Darius looked wounded. "Our son is an angel."

Said angel had already wandered two steps inside and was examining Felix’s shoes with intense scientific curiosity.

Felix pointed. "Your angel is attempting to eat my shoelace."

Darius looked down. The boy straightened immediately. "I not!"

"Of course not," Felix said.

The boy giggled, and his mother laughed along with him. After another round of reminders and promises to return Monday evening, the couple finally started to leave.

"Bye, Mama! Bye, Papa!" the boy called, waving enthusiastically. His mother knelt and kissed his forehead.

"Be good, okay? Listen to Uncle Felix, don’t cause too much trouble."

"I be good!"

Darius crouched beside him too. "And don’t bother Uncle Felix too much."

Serious nod. Then the boy looked up at Felix. "Unca Felix, we play?"

Darius immediately stood back up. "Actually, forget what I just said. Have fun!"

Felix’s eyes narrowed. "Get in the car, Darius."

"Love you too, brother!" The couple hurried off laughing. Darius rolled his window down before pulling out. "Remember, tomorrow evening!"

"I heard you the first twelve times!"

"And don’t let him eat too many snacks!"

"*Drive.*"

Darius gave a mock salute, his wife waved apologetically, and the car pulled away toward the highway.

Felix watched it disappear around the corner, standing in the doorway. Then he looked down.

The boy had his hand already, bouncing on his feet and making small swooshing noises, swinging his free arm at an invisible enemy.

"Vroom! Vroom! Pew! Pew!"

"...What are you doing?"

"Fighting monsters!"

"Ah." The boy swung again. "Bad monster! Go away!"

Felix nodded gravely. "Excellent work. Humanity thanks you for your service."

"Oh!" He went right back to his battle, and Felix closed the door behind them. His peaceful Sunday was officially gone.

As the boy squeezed his hand and beamed up at him, Felix found he didn’t actually mind. Not yet, anyway.

---

**Breakfast for Two**

Felix carried the boy into the living room. "All right, little warrior. Sit here." He set him on the sofa, where the kid bounced once and settled against a cushion. Felix crouched in front of him.

"A few important questions. Have you brushed your teeth?"

A vigorous nod. "Yes!"

"Taken a bath?"

Another. "Yes!"

"Eaten breakfast?"

The boy went still, eyes sliding sideways, then shook his head.

Felix sighed. "I see. Your parents abandoned you without feeding you."

"No! Mama said Unca Felix make breakfast!"

"Your mother has a lot of faith in me." The boy grinned, and Felix stood. "Plan: I shower, get dressed, you stay here, then we make breakfast together."

A hand shot up. "I help!"

"You can help. But stay where I can see you, don’t climb on anything, don’t touch anything dangerous."

"Okay! Okay! Okay!"

A few minutes later he came out of the bathroom in a plain black shirt and comfortable trousers, expecting to find the boy obediently parked on the sofa. Instead the living room was empty.

He stopped. Checked left, right. "...Kid?"

A faint noise from the hallway. He turned to find the boy peeking around his bedroom door, who brightened the moment he spotted him. "Unca Felix!"

"Didn’t I tell you to stay in the living room?"

The boy’s head dropped. "You take too long."

Felix blinked, then crouched. "That’s fair." The boy looked up hopefully.

"Can I see your room?"

He glanced back, reasonably tidy, books on the shelf, a few folded clothes, a console by the TV, nothing dangerous in sight. "Fine, but ask before you touch anything."

"Okay!" He took the small hand in his. "Come on. Let’s make breakfast."

---