Chapter 408: To let go [4]

"It isn’t an easy task to be a mother, Iris. Especially when you lack the opportunities and finances that others have. I love you very dearly. That doesn’t change at all because I was upset with you," Agatha said, clearing up the misunderstanding.

Agatha continued, "It is a harsh world for ladies. It cannot be helped that you would be the one to save our family from our plight. I tried to get Reece to join the arrangement so you wouldn’t suffer alone. I don’t want you to be like me."

"Was your marriage so bad that you would become this way? You and my father always looked so happy," said Iris.

"Of course, we placed our troubles behind us and appeared well before you, but there were many times when we were at odds. I didn’t like all of his decisions, and he didn’t like some of mine. I expected a good life as a wife," Agatha said, still harbouring an old bitterness.

Agatha wrapped her arms around herself. "When we were younger, your father was charming, so I became drawn to him. We had your brother before we were married, so we had to rush a wedding. He seemed so determined to care for me."

Agatha thought of the hardships that followed. "You think differently when there is less food on the table, and the house gets colder at night. You envy what everyone around you has and think you should have more. That you should have better."

Iris frowned. "You wanted to leave Father? You wanted to leave us?"

"Don’t misunderstand me. I thought of leaving your father, but I never once thought of abandoning your brother," Agatha replied.

Iris scoffed as her mother only spoke of Reece. "Of course, you remember only your son."

"I had those thoughts while Reece was being raised. I came to accept that I should remain with your father, and then we had you. You would not be here if I didn’t fall in love with your father again. The marriage wasn’t perfect," Agatha spoke honestly.

"I didn’t think it was completely perfect, but I thought you cared for him enough to visit him before he perished," said Iris.

"He is the one who placed us in this predicament. I could not go face him then, and you were missing. There was far more on my mind. I did miss him," Agatha revealed, feeling that familiar ache twisting in her heart. "As much as I wanted to hate him, I have come to miss him."

"Well, you can’t be married to someone as long as you were and not mourn them. A tiny part of you will always care. I don’t want to keep doing this with you," Iris said, looking back at the shop. "You can’t go to them trying to seek money."

"Why have you forgiven your father and gone to see him, yet you can’t welcome me into your life now?"

"Because you never accept that your actions were wrong. I have not completely forgiven my father. He admitted to his faults so I could say my goodbyes then, but I will never forget what he did or forgive him," Iris said, clearing the misunderstanding.

"I didn’t kill your uncle," Agatha reminded Iris.

"No, but you supported what Father did so you could get what belonged to Eloise. You tortured Eloise every chance you got, making her feel like she was an unwanted guest. We were family, yet you acted like we were strangers. Why?" Iris asked, puzzled by the need to compete.

Agatha sighed. "You should have seen all that her mother got from her father. I always felt that I was second with the husband I had, the home I had, and the attention. Everyone was drawn to the three of them."

"I had a son and a beautiful daughter. Why couldn’t I have some of the attention she did? I never wanted you to ever feel second to Eloise. I did what was needed to make you stand out so everyone could see they were wrong," Agatha explained.

Agatha reached for Iris, only for her to step back. The rejection stung more deeply than she expected. "I was always second. I know I wasn’t your father’s first choice. I wanted to make sure you never felt like anyone’s shadow."

"Eloise lost her mother at a young age. Did it not cross your mind then that this little contest you had should have ended? Were you happy to know that she passed?" Iris asked, her anger returning.

"A little bit, but I did feel sorry she had passed. Heaven knows that Eloise needed her mother, as that girl did not act as she should," said Agatha.

Iris yanked on her hair. "Then you could have helped Eloise. Why don’t you see how awful you are? I never felt second to Eloise. That thought never crossed my mind. I’m sure her mother didn’t think there was a contest."

"She might not have thought it, but I did. I was with the brother everyone least expected to succeed. I was having doubts about my marriage and worrying about what you would eat. There was plenty for me to envy," Agatha said, letting out years of frustration.

"I believe when her mother died, that should have woken you up. That should have made you stop your childish antics. I loved my childhood," Iris said, embracing every part of it with a bittersweet smile. "I loved every bit of it because there wasn’t a day when I didn’t have fun or feel loved."

"You have this odd thought that we could only be happy if we have money or status. Yes, I loved the glamour of high society, but I was always happy where I was. All I needed was the love of my family. How can you not see what you are doing to your children?" Iris asked, her voice cracking.

Agatha stared at Iris, unable to respond as shame settled heavily in her chest.

Iris touched her forehead. "Reece and I have always loved you. You don’t understand how difficult it was for me to leave your side, knowing you shouldn’t be left alone and enter a world I knew very little of. I didn’t know how I would eat or where to sleep."

"That was scary for me," Iris said, placing her right hand upon her chest. "But it was better than staying at your side and enduring your ways. You could have so much more if you would only change and stop being a monster."

Iris calmed down after seeing Agatha’s eyes fill with tears. She might have gone too far, but those feelings had lived inside her for far too long. "You are my mother, and I am to respect you."

"I am your mother, and I have failed you," Agatha realised.