Chapter 385: What Remained Between Them

Chapter 385: Chapter 385: What Remained Between Them

Arik caught Cassian half an hour later near the eastern terrace.

The gathering had begun spilling into the gardens as the evening cooled, servants opening the tall glass doors and carrying drinks beneath the lanterns lining the stone paths. Music drifted from the salon behind them, softened by distance and conversation.

Cassian had taken advantage of it to retreat.

He stood at the balustrade overlooking the lower gardens, one hand around a glass he had barely touched. His dark formal coat was impeccably cut, silver showing at his temples beneath the terrace lamps, yet something about the way he held himself made it obvious that he would rather be anywhere else.

"You are hiding."

Cassian glanced sideways.

"I am retired."

"That has become your answer to everything."

"It is an excellent answer."

Arik stopped beside him and rested his forearms against the stone railing.

For several seconds, neither spoke.

Then Arik said, "You have been avoiding me."

Cassian’s hand stilled around the glass.

There was no denial.

Arik turned his head.

"I believe you about the retirement."

"How generous."

"You kept Nuria functioning after Goliath died. You spent decades making sure there was still an empire waiting when the Gate opened again. If anyone earned the right to disappear before someone hands him another government portfolio, it is probably you."

Cassian’s mouth twitched.

"Probably?"

"I am still slightly offended that you vanished the moment I became emperor."

"That was deliberate."

"I know."

Arik straightened.

"But that is not all of it."

The amusement disappeared from Cassian’s face.

Arik had noticed the change after Edrava.

Before then, Cassian had complained, argued, corrected him when necessary, and occasionally looked at him with an expression that belonged more to an exhausted parent than a former prime minister addressing his sovereign.

After Arik reclaimed what remained of Goliath’s original body, something shifted.

Cassian still appeared when required.

He simply never remained.

"You thought I might become more like him," Arik said.

Cassian looked at him sharply.

Arik continued before he could answer.

"You did from the beginning."

A breeze stirred through the terrace, carrying the fragrance of the night gardens and, beneath it, the faint sweetness of Liam’s saint’s breath from somewhere inside.

Cassian lowered his glass onto the balustrade.

"Yes."

There was no point pretending otherwise.

"When you first entered Nuria," he said, "you were not like this."

Arik understood immediately.

At the beginning, the distinction had been far sharper.

Arik existed.

Goliath existed.

The memories, instincts, grief, and habits of another lifetime had returned faster than Arik could absorb them, leaving moments where even he had felt the boundaries between one existence and the next pull apart.

Sometimes Goliath’s emotions came first.

Sometimes Arik’s.

Sometimes they collided hard enough that Liam had been the only thing capable of reminding him which life his body currently belonged to.

"I thought integration might mean Goliath would become stronger," Cassian admitted. "Perhaps not replace you, but become more visible."

"You hoped he would."

Cassian’s expression tightened.

Arik did not accuse him.

"I understand."

The older man looked away toward the gardens.

"I did not want you gone."

"I know."

"That matters."

"I know that too."

Cassian exhaled slowly.

"But I would be lying if I said there was not a part of me that wondered whether, once everything settled, I might get some portion of him back."

Arik rested one hand against the railing.

"You did."

Cassian frowned.

"Just not the way you expected."

Silence followed.

Arik looked down at his own hand.

"The separation disappeared."

"Yes."

"I remember being Arik. I remember being Goliath. But I do not switch between them anymore." He glanced at Cassian. "There is no second personality waiting somewhere inside me. No line where one stops and the other starts."

Cassian studied his face.

Arik’s mouth curved faintly.

"I am one person now."

"That is what I realized."

"And that bothered you?"

Cassian’s expression shifted.

"No."

The answer came too quickly to be hesitation.

"It relieved me."

Arik had not expected that.

Cassian looked toward him properly now.

"You were suffering when those personalities were divided. Anyone close enough to you could see it. I wanted integration because you needed it."

"But?"

Cassian looked back toward the gardens.

"But when you absorbed the ether from his body in Edrava, I understood that there would never again be a separate piece of Goliath for me to recognize as his."

Arik went quiet.

That was different.

Cassian’s voice lowered.

"I had thought perhaps I would hear him in you sometimes. See some distinct reaction and know exactly which part of you it belonged to."

"You still do."

"Not separately."

"No."

Cassian gave a small nod.

"That was what I needed to accept."

The terrace seemed quieter despite the gathering continuing only a few meters behind them.

Arik had known Cassian mourned Goliath.

He had perhaps never considered exactly what kind of grief it had been.

"You lost more than your emperor."

Cassian’s gaze shifted back to him.

Arik continued gently.

"You lost a child."

Cassian had not only watched his sovereign die.

He had buried someone he had loved with the terrible protectiveness of a father who had been unable to save him.

Arik understood why seeing fragments of that person return had been both comfort and cruelty.

"You spent decades grieving him," Arik said. "Then I appeared carrying his soul and half his memories, except I was someone else too."

Cassian’s mouth tightened.

"Yes."

"And for a while, maybe you thought you would get both."

Cassian gave a quiet, humorless laugh.

"Greedy, perhaps."

"Human."

Cassian looked at him.

Arik stepped away from the railing.

"You are allowed to miss him."

"I know."

"You are allowed to recognize him in me."

Cassian’s expression softened slightly.

"That is more complicated."

"Only if you make it complicated."

"You sound remarkably like him when you say things like that."

Arik smiled.

"Good."

Cassian blinked.

Arik shrugged.

"He was me. I am not offended that you loved him."

For several seconds, Cassian said nothing.

Then his gaze moved past Arik toward the open salon doors.

Liam stood inside speaking with two nobles, his dark violet coat visible between the moving guests. As if sensing Arik’s attention, he glanced toward the terrace.

Their eyes met.

Liam smiled.

Arik answered without thinking.

When he looked back, Cassian was watching him.

"What?"

Cassian’s expression had become unexpectedly warm.

"He never had that."

Arik glanced toward Liam again.

"No."

"And that may be the clearest difference."

Arik considered it.

Then smiled.

"Perhaps."

Cassian picked up his glass.

Arik started toward the salon, then stopped.

"You can retire."

Cassian narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"I intend to."

"I am not giving you work."

"Good."

"But you are going to stop disappearing every time I enter a room."

Cassian sighed.

"There it is."

"I am still emperor."

"Unfortunately."

Arik laughed.

This time, when he returned to the gathering, Cassian walked beside him.