Chapter 277 : Waiter, I Pooped the Bed

Is this appropriate?

But he definitely couldn't say that to Bai Bufan. Fortunately, for this guy, Lin Li happened to have a universal answer: "Abstain from sex."

Bai Bufan: "?"

"Fuck your mom? Who the fuck told you abstaining from sex could have this effect."

"That's just how abstaining from sex is. You wouldn't understand if you haven't tried it," Lin Li sneered. "Don't argue if you haven't tried it."

"..." Here we go again. Bai Bufan's face turned red. "How can you ruin my innocence out of thin air..."

"As for why I'm drinking so much, it's because there's a urine test later." Ignoring Bai Yiji, Lin Li added.

(Translator's Note: A reference to Kong Yiji, a famous fictional character known for his pedantry and denial of facts).

The straw had already made the sound of sucking air. After sucking up the last bit, Lin Li raised his hand and threw it.

The bottle followed a perfect parabola and accurately landed in the trash can, right on the head of Bai Bufan next to it.

"Nice! Successful aim!" Lin Li clenched his fist and raised his arm, praising himself.

"You're not even willing to pretend to say you missed, are you!"

After picking up the bottle from the ground and throwing it into the trash can, Bai Bufan touched his chin, showing a bit of conflict and hesitation, and spoke: "Lin Li, so you're saying we still have a urine test later?"

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"What if I can't swallow it?"

"..."

After a brief silence, Lin Li chuckled softly, his voice carrying pride:

"Did you think I drank so much milk just to pee? Wouldn't drinking water be faster? The reason it's milk is that, as everyone knows, the ingredients in milk can form a protective film to protect our gastric mucosa. With this preparation, I guarantee I'll swallow it easily later!"

"As for you, good luck!"

"What!? You've actually thought of the third layer? What a terrifying opponent!" Hearing this, Bai Bufan's tone was exaggerated and very shocked, but soon, his eyes flashed with hot blood and passion:

"But, I won't admit defeat! Lin Li, just wait, I will definitely surpass you and swallow more urine!"

"I look forward to that day." Lin Li showed appreciation and nodded.

The passionate dialogue of youth ended, and the two left the lounge to continue the medical examination.

Because they spent a lot of time at the ultrasound, when they came out of the lounge again, the two found that there were suddenly very few people still doing medical examinations on the first floor, while the breakfast area on the second floor started to have a queue.

"That's good, this way you don't have to queue, and we can finish faster."

"Lin Li, are you going to do this internal medicine examination first? Then I'll go to the surgery examination opposite?" Bai Bufan nodded upon hearing this. Seeing Lin Li walking towards the internal medicine department, he pointed to the opposite side and said, "Let's finish early and go back to school."

"Either is fine." Lin Li nodded indifferently.

The two separated. Lin Li knocked on the door and entered the internal medicine clinic.

The doctor sitting in front of the computer, with a stethoscope still hanging around his neck, looked up at Lin Li and showed a professional smile: "Hello, please give me the examination form, then sit here and take off your jacket."

"Okay, Dr. Cai."

Dr. Cai paused, looked up, and smiled at Lin Li: "Hello Mr. Lin, my surname is Xu, my name is Xu Kun."

Lin Li: "..."

Can this happen twice?

Wait.

Lin Li suddenly understood why Dr. Pan on the second floor specifically asked him if he had done the internal medicine examination.

She wanted to see this scene.

The Cijian institution actually managed to collect both Dr. Pan and Dr. Cai, two hidden dragons and crouching phoenixes. It really shouldn't be underestimated.

"Sorry, Dr. Xu." Lin Li apologized exceptionally skillfully.

"It's fine, I'm going to start auscultation." Xu Kun waved his hand, it wasn't his first time experiencing this.

His name originally had nothing to be criticized for, until a high-pitched rooster crow six or seven years ago changed his life.

Remember, it takes 16.5 years to go through the Chinese zodiac.

Because the Year of the Rooster takes two and a half years, and the Rooster and Rabbit are in the same Dragon, the Year of the Rabbit and the Year of the Dragon also take two and a half years. (Translator's Note: A meme referencing Cai Xukun, a Chinese idol whose introduction video went viral, where he said he had practiced for "two and a half years").

"You don't have anything hanging around your neck that makes noise, do you? It will affect the examination results." Seeing Lin Li take off his jacket, Xu Kun carefully observed Lin Li's neck and asked.

"No." Hearing this, Lin Li looked at Xu Kun in surprise.

Who has that kind of thing?

Noticing this look, Xu Kun explained:

"I had a patient before who believed in Buddhism. He had an amulet hanging around his neck inside his clothes that played scriptures on a 24-hour loop. The sound was very low, you couldn't hear it at all if you didn't pay attention.

"That time I put the stethoscope on it and heard ethereal and mysterious Buddhist sounds. I happened to be very tired that day, having stayed up all night, and almost thought I was going to die suddenly and the Buddha had come to pick me up.

"So since that time, I habitually ask."

Lin Li: "..."

That is indeed very scary.

After listening for a while, Xu Kun made a few strokes on the examination form, or maybe wrote some words that Lin Li couldn't recognize at all, and then started feeling Lin Li's abdomen with his hands.

"What do you feel?" Xu Kun asked.

"I feel someone touching my belly." Lin Li closed his eyes, felt it, and answered seriously.

Xu Kun: "..."

"No, I mean to ask if it hurts anywhere when touched like this."

"No."

"Okay," after the abdominal palpation ended, Xu Kun recorded and wrote on the examination form, "No problems. Alright, go to the next department."

Lin Li walked out of the clinic, and Bai Bufan also happened to walk out of the surgery clinic. However, Bai Bufan's eyes were a bit unfocused now.

"Bufan? Bufan? Bai Bufan!"

After being called a few times, the slightly absent-minded Bai Bufan finally came back to his senses, stumbled to sit on the bench, and beckoned Lin Li over.

"What's wrong with you?" Lin Li walked over, sat down, and asked in confusion.

"Lin Li, let me ask you a question. Does being a virgin mean the front or the back?" Bai Bufan spoke in confusion.

Lin Li: "(；☉_☉)?"

"If, I mean if, I have a friend whose front hasn't been used, but his back has been used, is he still considered a virgin?" Bai Bufan's ethereal words followed.

Lin Li: "?"

"No, bro, why are you suddenly asking this? What did you do inside?" Lin Li asked in surprise.

"I already said the front hasn't been used, what else could I do? I was the one being done!" Bai Bufan answered sadly.

"No, what exactly did you do? Speak human." Lin Li only found it funny.

Cijian was at least one of the top large medical examination institutions in Xiling, this kind of thing wouldn't happen.

Bai Bufan opened his examination form and showed it to Lin Li, and the direction his finger pointed—"Anus: Normal, no hemorrhoids."

Lin Li's expression began to contort.

From holding it in.

Then Bai Bufan suddenly grabbed Lin Li's collar and roared loudly: "Lin Li! You didn't tell me the medical examination also included a digital rectal examination! Lin Li, do you know, when the doctor told me to take off my pants and stick it up, I was fucking dumbfounded!"

After a brief silence, Lin Li really couldn't hold it in anymore and laughed exceptionally presumptuously.

"You're fucking still laughing!"

"So what did it feel like?" Lin Li put away his smile and asked.

"Hehe, you'll know when you try it yourself later." Bai Bufan sneered, his eyes holding the expectation of being able to take revenge.

"I'm not doing it." Lin Li shook his head.

"Eh? What do you mean you're not doing it?" Bai Bufan was stunned for a moment.

"I'm just not doing this examination." Lin Li looked at Bai Bufan in surprise, not knowing why he asked such a question.

"Wait," Bai Bufan's eyes suddenly widened, "This can be refused!?"

"Otherwise? We are consumers who spent money, we are God. Have you ever seen a God whose autonomy over his own asshole isn't in his own hands?

"Even a priest in front of God only has the fate of being bent over? Do you think you're a little boy?

"Can't you just tell the doctor directly that you don't want to do this examination?"

Lin Li looked at Bai Bufan with a confused face.

"..."

"..."

"Fuck!"

"Then I... didn't I lose my virginity for nothing..." Coming back to his senses, Bai Bufan's eyes were dim, and his smile was desolate.

Lin Li sighed and patted Bai Bufan's shoulder: "I'll go see the crime scene where your first time was taken away. You should also hurry to the opposite side to check internal medicine. I feel you should have suffered quite serious internal injuries, it's quite necessary to check."

Bai Bufan: "..."

Your mom.

...

Lin Li protected his asshole. When the surgeon heard that Lin Li didn't want to do this examination, he didn't mean to persuade him at all, and directly drew a circle in this column on the examination form.

It was also a good thing for him.

Except for a very few doctors with abnormal fetishes, no doctor would like this examination.

They all say dogs look down on people, is a butthole any better?

This thing is smelly to look at.

And the subsequent ENT examination and routine urine test had no more twists and turns. The large amount of milk they drank for breakfast made the two feel like fish in water.

All examinations were completed, and the time was exactly ten o'clock.

Handing the examination form to the reception desk and taking the souvenirs included in the package, the two returned to the first floor and took a taxi back to school.

"Fuck, I'm really going to fly away from sleepiness. Right now, even if you give me a lap pillow from a 1.7-meter tall, black-haired, flat-chested girl, I could fall asleep immediately."

Getting into the car with Lin Li, Bai Bufan yawned repeatedly, leaned sideways on Lin Li's shoulder, touched Lin Li's thigh, and murmured.

"Making wishes here, and take your fucking hand away." Lin Li laughed and cursed, pushing Bai Bufan away.

"Driver, can we drive a bit faster?" After being pushed away, Bai Bufan said to the driver, "I'm in a bit of a hurry to get back."

"Driving safely is still the first priority. Don't worry, I'll be as fast as possible." Hearing this, the driver smiled at the rearview mirror and said.

Hearing this, Bai Bufan had to nod.

The car's speed indeed wasn't very fast.

Bai Bufan didn't care anymore, yawned again, closed his eyes, and planned to just take a nap in the car first.

Lin Li: "Driver, I'm about to poop in the car. Let me ask, is the fine two hundred for pooping? How do I transfer it to you later?"

Driver, Bai Bufan: "?"

"Oi! Young man! Don't, don't, don't! Hold it, hold it! Nansang Middle School, right! Give me seven minutes! Just seven minutes! I'll get you there immediately! Please don't poop in my car! This isn't a matter of two hundred yuan!"

The originally lazy driver instantly widened his eyes like copper bells, even sat up straight instead of leaning against the backrest, and looked intently ahead.

All systems start, start, start, and—this!

Dead car, speed up for me! You don't want to become a shit car either!

Feeling the lightning-fast taxi, Bai Bufan grabbed the handle on the roof to keep himself from flying up. His sleepiness dissipated a bit, and he looked at Lin Li.

Lin Li turned sideways, his smile carrying pride: "This is EQ, have you learned it?"

Low EQ: Driver, can you drive faster, I'm in a hurry.

High EQ: Driver, I'm about to poop in the car.

Bai Bufan had an epiphany: "Master, I understand."

A shit gun is also a gun, and can also be used to threaten people.

"The child is teachable."

Forcibly shortening the time by a third, the taxi arrived at Nansang Middle School. Seeing Lin Li and Bai Bufan get out of the car, the driver let out a long sigh of relief.

"You go back to sleep, I'm going home too." Lin Li walked towards his bicycle, turned his head, and said to Bai Bufan.

"OK, contact me tonight if anything comes up. It's hard to say if I can wake up in the afternoon." Bai Bufan nodded.

Riding his bike home, Lin Li wasn't sleepy at all. He took out his phone and checked the appointment status of the radiology clinic at the Nansang County Hospital. Seeing that there were still free time slots in the afternoon, he made an appointment online using the examination form issued earlier.

—Because what was prescribed before was for the head, and examinations in this area don't require fasting or abstaining from water.

The appointment was successful. In the time before leaving, Lin Li continued to focus on opening up the space of the "Universe Ring" and enhancing the refinement of the "Formless Sword".

As for the "Bottle of Hidden Emotions and Stored Desires" and the "Substitute Death Jade-Faced Buddha", Lin Li loved the new and loathed the old, putting them in the cold palace first.

When the time was about right, in the afternoon, Lin Li took a taxi to the county hospital.

After getting his number from the self-service machine, Lin Li went to the floor where the MRI scanner was located.

He had reserved buffer time, so although he walked leisurely all the way, it was still more than ten minutes before his turn. So Lin Li sat on the waiting chair at the door, playing with his phone and waiting.

"Young man, what illness?"

Hearing this, Lin Li turned his head. It was a patient wearing a hospital gown next to him, who looked to be in his late fifties, looking at him with a smile.

Old people generally don't know how to play with electronic devices and prefer to pass the time by chatting.

But seeing a doctor alone at this age? His family is a bit unfilial.

"Grandpa, I'm not sick, I'm just here for a medical examination." Lin Li said politely.

"Oh, oh." The old man nodded and didn't speak again, and Lin Li continued to scroll through his phone.

"I'm a bit thirsty. Young man, do you want some water?" After a few minutes of silence, the old man looked at Lin Li again and asked.

"Grandpa, where is the water dispenser? Let me get you a cup?" Hearing this, Lin Li thought the old man was hinting at him, so he stood up and said.

"No need, no need, Grandpa is asking if you want to drink?" The old man hurriedly shook his head.

"I'm not thirsty, thank you, Grandpa." Lin Li waved his hand.

"Don't be polite," the old man nodded, then stood up, raised a hand towards a nurse not far down the corridor, and shouted loudly: "Waiter! Bring me a bottle of glucose with ice, and a bottle of normal saline for this young man, put it on my tab!

"By the way, young man, do you want ice in your saline?"

Lin Li: "?"

"Cough! Cough!"

Lin Li almost coughed so hard he dropped his phone.

Lin Li looked at the old man dumbfoundedly, while the old man waved his hand and asked again emphatically: "My treat, tell me, do you want ice?"

"N-no need, right?" Lin Li answered somewhat mechanically.

And the nurse who was called, hearing this, also jogged over, bowed to the old man, smiled, and nodded: "Okay, okay, I'll prepare it for you right away."

"My glucose with ice, his normal saline without ice, remember!" The old man exhorted.

"Mhm, remembered." The nurse nodded and left.

Lin Li: "?"

Really giving it?

Lin Li now completely understood that saying.

The ones without a blue stripe on their hats are nurses, the ones with one blue stripe are head nurses, who can scold nurses. The ones with two blue stripes are department head nurses, who can scold head nurses. The ones with three blue stripes are nursing department directors, who can scold department head nurses. And the one next to him, covered in blue stripes, can scold whoever he wants.

Can he really give this kind of order? And the nurse actually agreed?

But soon, although the nurse came back, she didn't bring iced glucose and normal saline, but brought a middle-aged man.

"Sorry, sorry, my dad fell and hurt his brain. I went to the toilet, didn't bother you, did he, young man." The middle-aged man came up and immediately asked Lin Li with concern.

"It's fine, it's fine." Lin Li waved his hand, a hint of realization appearing on his face.

"Lin Li. Lin Li. Are you here?" The door of this clinic opened, the doctor came out, looked around, and called Lin Li's name.

It was his turn.

"Here, over here."

"Take everything out of your pockets and put them in this basket. For a head scan, do your clothes have any metal on them? If so, you need to change into a hospital gown." Seeing Lin Li come up, the doctor asked routinely.

"No, I confirmed before coming." Lin Li answered while stepping forward to put his things down.

At this time, the patient who had the MRI scan last time walked out of the control room and passed by Lin Li.

Lin Li turned his head, looked at the other party's retreating back, frowned, and muttered: "This guy is very seriously ill."

"Young man, you know how to diagnose illnesses?" The doctor, who was using a metal detector to confirm the condition of Lin Li's clothes, heard this and asked curiously.

"It's too obvious, his limbs have already turned black, I feel like they need to be amputated." Lin Li frowned tightly and said regretfully.

Doctor: "..."

The doctor looked up, glanced at the foreign black patient who was leaving, and fell into silence.

No wonder this kid came for a head MRI, reasonable.

"Young man, he's black." The doctor said.

"I know." Lin Li nodded.

"Then still amputate?"

"Mhm."

Doctor: "?"

Eh?

Wait.

So regardless of whether he's sick or not, you purely just want to amputate his limbs?!

"Alright, lie down, listen to our instructions, it'll take about twenty minutes." The doctor said grumpily.

"Okay."

The MRI scanner is indeed a million or even ten-million-level medical device. It looks a bit more advanced than CT and ultrasound. Lin Li lay down, took off all his titles to prevent affecting the results, and then started the MRI.

He didn't feel much, just stayed in a claustrophobic space for half an hour.

[Seek out and personally experience at least a hundred high-level detection formations, and there must be four or more types (100/100; 4/4).]

[Task 4 has been completed]

[You have received rewards: Physique Improvement: Formation Talent increased by 50%, Divine Sense Perception Range increased by 100%; Random Complete Formation 1; Random Formation Materials 5; System Currency 100]

[You have obtained "Spirit Gathering Heavenly Formation" 1; "Starlight Formation Disk" 1; "High-grade Formation Core" 1; "Low-grade Spirit Stone" 1; "Vermilion Spirit Sand" 2]

When Lin Li backed out of the machine, a small string of notifications appeared before his eyes.

The things given were quite fancy, but the current occasion wasn't suitable to materialize and check them, he had to wait until he got home.

So Lin Li went to the control room.

The doctor operating the machine was currently looking at the machine screen in the control room with a serious face, and sighed in a low voice: "There's a problem with the brain..."

Lin Li: "?"

The voice was very low, but Lin Li's six senses were much sharper than ordinary people's, and he heard it very clearly.

Lin Li's originally open mouth closed, he subconsciously swallowed a mouthful of saliva, and his pupils shrank tightly.

The medical examination in the morning didn't find anything wrong, but now there's a problem with the MRI?

I have a brain disease?

Fuck, could it be that I actually have some hidden terminal illness, and I should have died two months ago and gone to the immortal cultivation world, but the onset was just delayed?

Having a terminal illness seems to fit the conditions for obtaining the system even better.

But I don't want this kind of thing!

Lin Li doesn't want to leave modern times!

No, no, no, there's still hope, money is not a problem, there are still tens of millions to be withdrawn in the apocalypse, I can still cultivate immortality...

His mind getting more and more chaotic, Lin Li swallowed another mouthful of saliva, his voice already somewhat nervous: "Doctor, excuse me... where is the problem?"

The doctor turned his head to look at Lin Li, his eyes slightly confused: "What problem?"

"Eh? Didn't you just say there's a problem with my brain?" Lin Li was stunned.

"Oh, oh, no, your results won't be out for another half a day. What I just said was that there's a problem with our dean. This light is so dim, I've reported it twice, and he still hasn't sent anyone to fix it. It hurts my eyes to look at this."

The doctor pointed to the light above his head and said irritably:

"Using a light worth a few dozen yuan to illuminate a machine worth millions, do you think there's a problem with his brain?"

Lin Li: "(；☉_☉)?"

Your mom.

(End of Chapter)