Chapter 282 : From Now On, Bai Bufan is No Longer Bai Bufan

"Lin Li, are you sick! Do you want to die!" Ding Sihan held the cake in her hands, aiming at Lin Li's face, her tone unkind.

"It's over, Uncle, the one who broke in is still a murderer... I leave all my inheritance to my mom, farewell." Lin Li's voice was sorrowful.

Chen Yuying, Ding Sihan, Qu Wanqiu: "?"

Seeing that the cake was really going to fly into his face, Lin Li smiled and put away his phone, which hadn't connected at all. He stopped, looked up at the door, and raised his hands to curry favor:

"Don't throw it, don't throw it, don't throw it, just kidding, I didn't really call."

Seeing that this guy was acting, and had acted twice, Chen Yuying used the party popper in her hand to tap Lin Li across the air.

Lin Li stuck his tongue out.

"Alright, come in first, standing outside is not the way, don't be polite, make yourself at home."

Ding Sihan then lowered the cake she had raised to aim, turned and walked towards the living room, while looking back to signal Lin Li to follow.

Lin Li: "..."

No?

What did you just say?

What do you mean make myself at home.

"Then excuse me for intruding," the guest Lin Li walked in constrainedly. Because of timidity, he stood on the shoe mat somewhat at a loss, and finally asked Ding Sihan in a low voice:

"Student Ding, can I take off my shoes and put them here in your house?"

"You can, but remember not to put them outside the mat area, I'll be angry if you dirty the tiles." Qu Wanqiu nodded on her behalf, "And these slippers, you can wear them if you want, but you're not allowed to take off your socks."

"Fuck!"

"You two really treat this as your own home, don't you! Which fucking animal trained you to be like this, you still looked human when I first met you."

Lin Li laughed and scolded.

It's also karma, who has the heavens ever spared.

So in Baowei's eyes, was I really this much of an animal during the sports meeting? Sorry Baowei, I won't let you into the dorm next time, out of sight, out of mind.

Lin Li changed into his slippers. Before asking about the cause and effect, he looked around curiously, looking for Bai Bufan.

Didn't find him.

"Where's Bufan, didn't he come?" Lin Li then spoke.

"Oh, he was supposed to come, but he couldn't because he got an upset stomach, what a pity." Qu Wanqiu answered regretfully upon hearing this, "He obviously put thought into it too, sigh."

Lin Li, who was just about to nod, paused.

No, no, no.

If he remembered correctly, the door to his room was completely open when he left in the morning, but now it was ajar, leaving only a crack.

It was quite hard for him to remember wrong now.

Moreover, based on the premise of giving him a surprise, Bai Bufan's behavior of insisting on going back to the dorm to use the toilet not long ago didn't hold water.

"Class Rep, he really didn't come?" Lin Li pointed to his room door, asked Chen Yuying, lowering his voice: "...Not in there?"

"Mhm, probably didn't come."

Being stared at intently by Lin Li, although Chen Yuying nodded in response, her gaze gradually shifted.

Her lying skills were too terrible. Ding Sihan and Qu Wanqiu, who were already sitting on the sofa, helplessly covered their faces.

With her like this, what will she do if Old Chen finds out when she sneaks out to do something in the future.

"I see! Forget it! If he didn't come, he didn't come! Wait a minute, my phone is out of battery, I'll go to my room to get the charger first."

Getting the answer, Lin Li said loudly to the three of them, then walked towards his room.

He didn't plan to harm Bai Bufan. At a moment like this, even if he had to pretend, he had to be 'surprised' again.

Lin Li pushed open the room door.

"Happy birth, you little bas—Ah!!!"

Bai Bufan's blessing wasn't finished before it turned into a scream of agony.

But the murderer wasn't Lin Li.

Not only was it not Lin Li, Lin Li's smile had completely twisted, gradually unable to support him standing. So he gradually lay on the ground, slapping the sofa next to him wildly, laughing convulsively.

"You, you, you—"

Lin Li pointed inside the room door, laughing so hard he couldn't say a second word.

Seeing this scene, the confused Chen Yuying and the other two walked over and found that inside the room, Bai Bufan was also lying on the floor covered in ribbons, seemingly convulsing too, but he seemed to be convulsing in pain.

No, bro?

"What happened?" Ding Sihan, who only heard the sound, voiced the thoughts of the three with a confused face.

"He, he, hahaha, he—"

Lin Li really laughed until tears came out, extremely difficultly describing the scene just now to the three:

"Didn't he also have a party popper in his hand? This idiot, this idiot, fuck, this idiot held it backwards! Just now he was saying happy birthday while twisting the party popper, and as a result, it all sprayed ha—"

Because it was mixed with a lot of laughter, Lin Li's description was stumbling, and he didn't finish it in the end.

But the three of them had already understood.

Especially Chen Yuying, who had also just used a party popper.

As everyone knows, when using a party popper, it should be angled forty-five degrees towards the sky, but if it's used backwards—

Ladies and gentlemen, Bai Bufan was now clutching his crotch.

The sequins on the ground were quite pitiful, because they were sexually harassed by Bai Bufan as soon as they were born.

Bai Bufan, rapist, bad!

No, he couldn't be called Bai Bufan anymore.

Bai Buji, rapist, bad.

(Translator's Note: "Fan" means ordinary/mortal. "Ji" means a few/how many, but also sounds like "ji" (dick). So "Bai Buji" implies he lost his dick).

Therefore, when the three understood all this, they also all fell onto the sofa, their pleasant laughter filling the room.

"You guys with no empathy..."

The joys and sorrows of humans are not connected. Bai Bufan groaned in pain, feeling even more pain listening to the piercing laughter.

The "Three People" didn't have this thing to begin with, so Bai Bufan could understand their inability to comprehend this.

But fucking Lin Li, what about you?

I was still celebrating your birthday!

It's a fucking work injury!

"Bai Buji, are you okay." Lin Li couldn't stand the look anymore, so he held back his laughter and asked.

Bai Bufan: "?"

"Your uncle's Bai Buji, who the fuck told you to deduct this point from me!! It's still there! It's still there!!" Hearing his new name, Bai Bufan was stunned for a moment, then roared after reacting.

The laughter that was about to die down immediately returned to its peak.

"Lin Li, is it funny! Look in my eyes! Answer me! Is it funny!" He couldn't control the "Three People", but this "One" was really damn it. Bai Bufan questioned difficultly but angrily.

"Not funny, I only saw a desperate girl." Being scolded, Lin Li immediately put away his smile and said heavily and sadly.

"Fuck!!"

However, the air pressure of the party popper wasn't that high. Although it was a bit of a disaster, it wasn't enough to destroy it completely.

After recovering for a while, Bai Bufan sat on the ground, shook his head, and sighed sadly: "Although I didn't lose the 'ji', I feel like one broke."

"It's okay baby, then won't you just become a fragrant and soft little single-testicle." Lin Li comforted.

Bai Bufan: "(；☉_☉)?"

"Then, I, thank, you, ah." Bai Bufan gritted his teeth and thanked him.

Lin Li shook his head imperceptibly, actually he thanked him too early.

Because although he could be praised as a little single-testicle, losing an egg also meant losing a lot of artistic cells.

After all, the more eggs a man has, the more he understands art, because he is a multi-testicle (fan gao).

(Translator's Note: A pun on Van Gogh (Fan Gao)).

And the reason Hitler didn't get into art school was precisely because Hitler only had one egg.

From this, it can be deduced that Bai Bufan might trigger World War III.

So... Lin Li's thought of killing Bai Bufan now to avoid World War III is also understandable, right?

"Why the fuck are your eyes more vicious than mine?" Bai Bufan was stunned.

"Oh oh, sorry, I got too into character. Alright, come out first." Looking at Bai Bufan's face, Lin Li wanted to laugh again.

After recovering for a while longer, Bai Bufan stood up and walked out.

"I'm fine."

Turning his head and seeing Lin Li's gaze still looking inside the room, probably guessing Lin Li's thoughts, Bai Bufan patted Lin Li's shoulder:

"Don't worry, the three of them insisted on talking about privacy rights and refused to enter your room, only I went in.

"So, only I saw the three inflatable dolls, ten masturbation cups, seventeen bottles of lubricant, and thirty-nine porn magazines under your bed. They didn't see any of it, don't worry."

The three figures on the sofa behind them all looked over upon hearing this.

Lin Li: "..."

Damn it, another boomerang.

This kid Bai Bufan really holds a grudge.

But there was nothing shameful in Lin Li's room.

Because considering the situation that Wu Min could come home at any time, Lin Li usually dealt with system-related things.

Including the protective suit brought back from the apocalypse, he would wash it first.

Otherwise, seeing them appear at home the moment he opened the door, he would have panicked long ago and couldn't be so at ease.

The "Spirit Spring", "Spirit Stones", and apocalyptic firearms, these would all be locked in the cabinet.

The gold under the bed was also placed in a box. The only thing that hadn't been hidden yet was the super large gold block brought back early this morning, which was too big to fit in the drawer or under the bed, so it could only be placed directly on the desk.

He originally planned to buy tools to cut it himself and store it separately, but hadn't had time to deal with it.

Since Bai Bufan had stayed in his room, he should have seen it, but he didn't show any strange reaction now.

After all, who would think that this lump of yellow stone placed casually was really gold.

"If I don't have inflatable dolls under my bed, you'll stay tonight and be my inflatable doll, Bai Bufan." Lin Li put his arm around Bai Bufan's shoulder, ready to prove his innocence.

"Haha, never mind then."

So the five of them all sat in the living room. The candles on the cake placed on the coffee table flickered continuously.

Lin Li sat cross-legged on the sofa, looked at the "Three People" on the side sofa and the "Dog" beside him, and asked with a curious face: "Tell me, what's the situation here?"

"A surprise." Chen Yuying's eyes were moving.

"It's indeed very surprising. Don't look at my inconspicuous performance, I'm actually very happy right now." Lin Li smiled and nodded, "Moved."

"How happy?" Hearing this, Chen Yuying asked with some pride and expectation in her voice.

Lin Li thought for a moment, then smiled and spoke:

"Like the first sip of iced cola in summer;"

"Like a doctor performing heart surgery;"

"Like the last day of summer vacation, after staying up late to finish all the homework and getting ready to sleep, checking the notice sent by the head teacher, and finding out I read it wrong, there's still a whole week left of summer vacation."

"Probably, about that happy."

Although some strange things were mixed in, everyone also got a concrete sense of happiness from Lin Li's description.

"So how did you do it? The key to my house door... did my mom give it to you?" Lin Li's curiosity hadn't been answered yet.

Lin Li's old residential area didn't have property management, the keys were kept by themselves.

And Lin Li took a total of three keys out of the house. One was always kept on him, one was always kept at school, and the other one was placed under a stone in the corner of the water and electricity meter box at the door.

But he hadn't even told Wu Min about these, so the four of them shouldn't have come in this way.

Then it could only be the key Wu Min gave.

"Yeah, Auntie mailed it to us before." Chen Yuying took out a key from the pocket of her school uniform pants, shook it proudly in front of Lin Li, and then put it on the table: "Remember to return it to Auntie."

"So there was a mole in our house, no wonder you sneaked in. Damn it, it's hard to guard against a thief in the house." Lin Li sighed.

He also understood why during the routine weekend call with Wu Min yesterday, she insisted on him doing a major cleaning at home.

The reason at the time was that it was time for the cleaning cycle, but she couldn't come back, so she asked him to clean.

She even specially emphasized it early this morning.

Looking at it now, it was obviously to avoid the house being messy and leaving a bad impression on the four people who were about to arrive.

"You just said a week ago? You prepared for this long?" But then Lin Li found another key point.

"Hmph," Qu Wanqiu looked a bit proud, then deliberately lowered her voice to imitate Lin Li:

"Bro, everyone, I just created an awesome four-person group chat. All the prominent figures in this group will be there, but, hey, guess who didn't receive an invitation?"

"Lin Li, when you mocked me before, did you forget what I told you?"

Lin Li's memory was very good now. This was his 'isolate Qu Wanqiu' speech in the group chat back then, and at that time:

[Qu Wanqiu: We created a four-person group without you during the National Day holiday, hehe.]

[Ding Sihan: Don't say it @Qu Wanqiu.]

And then he even questioned the three who came if they really created a group, and no one paid attention to him.

So—

"You created a group behind my back during the National Day holiday?" Lin Li came to a conclusion.

"Your brain isn't stupid." Qu Wanqiu nodded, "When we went out to play during the National Day holiday, you mentioned your birthday, and we started preparing."

"First of all, thank you for your preparation. Secondly, wrong, I am very stupid, I was just called an idiot several times today." Hearing Qu Wanqiu's praise, Lin Li shook his head instead.

"Who? I'll help you scold them back."

Hearing this, Chen Yuying glared at Lin Li, clenched one hand resting on her leg into a fist, and waved it slightly at Lin Li.

Not allowed to continue talking.

"It's okay, the other party is also an idiot in my eyes, no need for you to help me scold." Lin Li smiled and changed the subject, then continued to confirm: "You could only have prepared this today, was it noon? Or afternoon?"

"Noon, Sihan, Wanqiu, and Bai Bufan gave up their lunch break to set up the scene." Chen Yuying, who was called an idiot, snorted softly, and then explained.

"So Class Rep, why didn't you come to set it up? The three of them are good, you are bad." Lin Li commented sharply upon hearing this.

"If I came, you would have found out." Chen Yuying wrinkled her nose and frowned.

That made sense.

Don't underestimate the bond of the noon trio.

If the Class Rep didn't come at noon, Lin Li and Wang Yuezhi would definitely find a chance to ask.

If Lin Li didn't come at noon, Chen Yuying would definitely find a chance to ask too.

If Wang Yuezhi didn't come at noon, then he just didn't come.

Lin Li looked at Bai Bufan.

So the so-called being caught by Binbin at noon was purely lying to him.

"No wonder you kept asking me if I was going to the cafeteria to eat at noon and in the afternoon. So you were worried I would go home to eat. Then Wang Ze dragging me to ask questions was also instigated by you?" Lin Li asked.

"That's right, we couldn't let you get home before us, right? Then wouldn't it all be in vain? So I commissioned him to help us delay you for five minutes." Bai Bufan nodded with the look of a master strategist:

"My so-called diarrhea was also a superb performance, otherwise I was afraid you would find out or notice something wrong when you saw me rushing out to meet them at the school gate."

Case solved, no wonder Wang Ze asked an extension question right off the bat.

This guy really didn't want to study.

"Did you take a taxi here? How did you get out of the school gate, could this leave be approved?" Then Lin Li only had the last puzzle left.

"Teacher Xue drove us here." Chen Yuying lowered her eyes and chuckled, the bottom of her eyes reflecting the candlelight hiding pride.

Lin Li stood at attention, looking around warily.

Then he looked behind the sofa and confirmed Xue Jian wasn't here.

"Don't worry, Old Jian didn't come up. After the Class Rep told him our plan, he agreed, but said that to ensure safety and control, he must pick us up and drop us off.

"Just now we told him to come up too, but he said his presence would make us uncomfortable, so he didn't come up.

"Old Jian is now waiting at the gate of the residential area for us to finish here, and he will also drive us back to school later."

Bai Bufan saw through Lin Li's thoughts at a glance, so he explained.

"Old Jian is the best head teacher in the world, I will never cause trouble for him again today." Lin Li was a little moved.

"Only today? Then you are a very considerate student today." Bai Bufan gave a thumbs up upon hearing this.

"But, awesome, thank you for your hard work, moved, really moved." The whole picture of the matter had been completely revealed, Lin Li shook his head and sighed.

Turned his head and patted Bai Bufan's shoulder:

"Especially hard on you, actually staying alone with these two guys for a whole noon."

You know, Bai Bufan was completely unaccustomed to getting along with girls of the same age, even familiar ones.

Lin Li believed that the reason he stayed alone in his room to give the second surprise, besides the main factor of him being a bitch, was also related to his discomfort staying in the living room with girls.

This is—a bro!

"A general's success is built on ten thousand bleached bones, someone always has to sacrifice." Bai Bufan nodded, waving his hand hiding his merit and fame.

Ding Sihan, Qu Wanqiu: "?"

"Bai Bufan, you still dare to nod, come, let me touch your dog head!" Ding Sihan stood up and made a gesture to approach.

"Don't come over!" And Haki Fan immediately reacted, scrambling to the other side of Lin Li to stay away from them, maintaining vigilance.

"Alright, alright, don't forget the main purpose is to celebrate Lin Li's birthday. Our time is also limited, Teacher Xue has been waiting for us."

Chen Yuying stood up and clapped her hands, saying with a smile.

"True, then Lin Li, it's time to enter the process, blow out the candles and make a wish!" Ding Sihan immediately followed, taking a few steps to the living room switch to turn off the lights, so the living room was only left with the faint light of the candles on the coffee table again.

Chen Yuying also put a birthday crown folded from cardboard on Lin Li's head.

Qu Wanqiu brought the cake over and handed it to Lin Li: "Lin Li, think about your wish first."

And Bai Bufan immediately got up and went to the kitchen in Lin Li's house, and took out another thing from the refrigerator.

Lin Li, who had just reached out to take the cake, saw Bai Bufan's action, and another... cake in his hand?

So he asked with some confusion: "Bufan, what are you taking this for?"

"A cake."

"Mhm, I can see that, but why buy two? The one in my hand is already big enough, right?"

Lin Li looked down. The cake in his hand was at least eight inches if not ten. Everyone wasn't very hungry, plus there were three girls, this one alone probably couldn't be finished.

"The one in your hand has a cake base inside, and the one in my hand is pure cream, without any cake at all."

Bai Bufan opened the lid of the cake, showed it to Lin Li, and explained.

"But there's quite a lot of cream in this cake too," Lin Li looked down at the cake in his hand, looking up even more confused:

"Why buy another one to eat? Even if you girls don't mind this affecting your figures, eating too much will make you sick of it, right?"

This was already a lethal dose of cream. Even Zhou Baowei... uh, him, maybe he could finish it without feeling nauseous.

But the people present would definitely get sick of it if they ate too much.

"Don't worry," Bai Bufan had already taken out the cake knife and plates, starting to divide this pure cream cake, while smiling brightly, telling Lin Li not to worry: "Who told you this cake is for eating?"

Hearing this, Lin Li was stunned for a moment, then fell silent, blinking.

If a cream cake isn't for eating, then what is it for?

Eh?

No way!

(End of Chapter)