Chapter 2061: The Life You Bought (Part Two)

"Samira," Jocelynn whispered again. The name came out of her like a breath punched from her lungs.

Her lady-in-waiting. The girl who’d been Ashlynn’s double at the Summer Villa, who’d worn her sister’s jewels and gowns. The girl Jocelynn had tutored and scolded and finally, somehow, had come to think of as a friend.

Samira was someone who understood, at least a little... She was someone who reminded Jocelynn of what she’d lost, and spending time with her had always helped to ease the pain of that loss. Until now.

Samira’s pale green eyes met hers. They were wide and wet and full of something that Jocelynn, in her shock and fury, couldn’t read. Shame, terror, and a silent, desperate plea, though Jocelynn couldn’t say for what. Livid marks ringed her slender wrists where she clutched the sheet, the dark, finger-shaped bruises of a grip that hadn’t been gentle.

Then Samira looked away.

"My lady," Samira whispered as she clutched the pillow. "My lady, I’m sorry, I..."

"Be quiet," Owain said, without looking at her, and Samira fell silent at once, flinching as though he’d raised a hand to her.

"Oh, for the love of the Light," Owain sighed. He didn’t even bother to sit up. "Must you make such a scene, Jocelynn?"

"You..." Jocelynn started, and her voice shook as she spoke. Her hands had curled into fists at her sides, her nails biting into her palms. "You’re in bed with my lady-in-waiting!"

"And what else was I supposed to do while you were with child?" Owain asked. He took a long swallow of wine, utterly unbothered. "Sleep alone for months? Be reasonable, Jocelynn. Go back to bed. You need your rest. Our son will come any day now."

He looked her over, from her swollen ankles to her heavy belly, and something like distaste curled his lip. "And for the Light’s sake, have the maids do something about your feet. You waddle like a farm sow."

Jocelynn stared at him.

Then she turned and ran.

She ran as fast as her swollen belly would let her, down the corridor, past the guttering torches, down a narrow stair. Her heart hammered in her chest, and her breath came in great, sobbing gasps. She didn’t know where she was going. Anywhere. Anywhere away from that room, from the laughter, from Samira’s eyes.

Halfway down, a cramp seized her belly. It wrapped around her like an iron band and squeezed, so hard and so sudden that her legs buckled. Her foot slid off the edge of a step. She caught the rail with both hands, her body twisting, her belly swinging out over empty air, and for one sickening moment she hung there, certain that she would fall and the child would die with her.

The cramp eased. Slowly, shaking, she found her footing again.

At the bottom of the stairs, someone was waiting for her.

Pale silver-grey wood wearing Ashlynn’s face with two dark hollows where her eyes should be, staring at Jocelynn as though they could see right through her.

"Isn’t this the life you wanted?" the Olive Seed asked pleasantly. "The life you purchased with your sister’s death?"

Jocelynn stumbled to a halt, clutching the rail to keep herself from falling.

"You," she gasped. Her memory came flooding back all at once, the grove and the roots and the grave. The cedar forest around her and the rain pouring down. The mud. The broken fingers. The taste of her own blood. "This isn’t real. This is the trial..."

"Is it any less real for that?" the Seed asked, tilting its head to the side. "Does it hurt any less?"

It didn’t. Her heart felt like it had been torn open and pierced by a thousand needles. The image of Owain in bed with Samira flashed before her eyes again, and the needles stabbed deeper.

"No," Jocelynn gasped. "No, this isn’t what I..."

"The handsome husband. The title of marchioness. The impressive manor. And a child of your own," the wooden figure said as it took a step toward her. Its empty eyes seemed to drink in her tears, and a faint smile formed on its lips. "You traded your sister for all of this. Shouldn’t you enjoy it?"

"I never wanted this!" Jocelynn sobbed. "I wanted... I wanted him to love me. I wanted someone to choose me, just once, instead of her..."

"And he did," the Olive Seed said gently. "He chose you. Over and over, he chose you. Until you weren’t available to him," the Seed said with a pointed look at her swollen belly. "But then, once you’ve given him his son, I’m sure you can win back his attention."

"He won’t stray again once you’ve returned to your normal, beautiful self. And then you’ll have a victory to celebrate all over again," the Seed said. "Isn’t that what you asked for? To be chosen? Now you can compete for his affections for the rest of his life, and every time he comes to your bed, you’ll know that you’ve won again. You’ve been chosen when he could have chosen someone else."

"Not like this," Jocelynn whispered. "I never wanted to be chosen like this."

"You never asked how," the Seed pointed out. "Only who. You didn’t care how he treated the women around him, so long as he looked at you. You didn’t care what happened to your sister, so long as she was out of the way."

"That’s not true!" Jocelynn shouted.

"Isn’t it?" The empty hollows of its eyes regarded her without blinking. "Then tell me, Jocelynn. When he told you she’d died with a single stroke of his sword, did you weep for her? Or did you feel relieved?"

Jocelynn opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out. There was nothing she could say because the Olive Seed wasn’t wrong about her. The first time, in the Summer Villa, when she’d confronted Owain about her sister’s death, she’d believed him when he said that he’d ended it in a single stroke of his sword...

And she’d been relieved.

The Olive Seed reached out and laid one smooth, wooden palm against the curve of her belly.

Beneath it, the baby went still. Utterly, completely still. Jocelynn waited for the next kick, the next restless flutter beneath her skin. It never came.

"I don’t think you appreciate how good this life is," the Olive Seed said. "Perhaps if you suffered as your mother did, you’d understand what your betrayal did to her..."

"But this trial isn’t about your relationship with your mother," the Olive Seed said as it pulled its hand back and Jocelynn felt her unborn child stir in her belly. "It’s about you. This is the life you purchased with your sister’s death. Let me give you more of it..."