Chapter 59 I Am Jealous

It had been a long time since the day I fought Count Jennife and defeated her. A dirty victory was still a victory. And I am victorious in the duel.

I knew exactly how I had won, and I wasn’t foolish enough to pretend otherwise. I had used every unfair edge I could get my hands on. I had lied, baited, cornered, and struck when she least expected it. But I was an assassin. I had never promised honesty. In my world, the only thing that mattered was surviving.

It was either me, or her.

And I had chosen her.

Omegas in this world were treated as lesser beings, as if they had no thoughts worth hearing and no will worth respecting. Even though I was a crown princess, the court still looked at me like my only purpose was to bear heirs and smile prettily while others made decisions for me.

At least my parents didn’t treat me that way.

And Elaine...

Elaine behaved well enough with me lately. Too well, sometimes. That was exactly what made it hard to trust her.

What if this gentleness was only temporary?

What if the woman who had once terrified me was only hiding behind good manners until she decided to become cruel again?

I sat in my study, dressed in a long silk gown that pooled elegantly around me as I worked. The fabric was soft and expensive, pale and luminous in the firelight, with delicate silver embroidery tracing the neckline and sleeves. It clung lightly at the waist before falling in smooth, graceful folds to the floor, making every movement feel more refined than I wanted it to.

My hair had been brushed out and left long, silver strands cascading down my back in a loose, glossy curtain. A few sections had been gathered and pinned away from my face, but most of it spilled freely over my shoulders, catching the firelight with every turn of my head. It made me look far more delicate than I liked, which only irritated me more.

I dipped my quill and signed another stack of papers with my right hand, leaning back in my chair with a sigh.

"When will they return from inspection?" I muttered. "They’ve never taken this long before." I really miss them.

My eyes drifted to the window. The moon hung outside like a pale coin, distant and watchful. The study was warm with the crackle of the fireplace, and the shadows on the walls shifted lazily with each flicker of flame.

Tomorrow, I had my second meeting with the nobles. The memory of the first one made my mouth tighten. They had been unbearably rude. Smiling too sharply, speaking too softly, questioning everything I said as if I had no right to breathe in the same room as them.

It was the sort of humiliation I had spent my previous life dodging, and I had foolishly hoped my new one would be different.

Apparently, the world enjoyed proving me wrong.

"I just hope they don’t behave too badly with me," I said quietly.

Still, if Count Jennife was anything to go by, at least I had already given the court one warning.

I would not be pushed down by whiny nobles.

Never.

They had better start preparing themselves now, because one day I would not merely be a crown princess.

I would be emperor.

The door opened with a soft click.

I turned my head and saw Elaine enter, carrying the tray I had asked the maid to bring. She moved with her usual composure, tall and elegant, her presence immediately shifting the atmosphere of the room.

What is she doing here?

I raised a brow. "Why did you bring these yourself?"

She crossed the room and set the tray down on the table. "It was faster."

"That wasn’t my question."

Elaine glanced at me briefly, then began arranging the plates and the teacup with quiet care. "The maid was already occupied. I was nearby. It seemed unnecessary to wait."

I watched her carefully. "You shouldn’t be this caring to me, Elaine." Her hands paused for the briefest moment. I leaned back a little, studying her face. "What if I get used to it?"

This time, she looked up. Her expression was calm, but her eyes were not. "I wouldn’t mind."

Her words made me still. The room felt quieter after that, as if even the fire had gone still to listen.

I crossed one leg over the other and lifted my chin. "We’ll divorce sooner or later, Elaine."

The faintest shadow crossed her expression. "...I know."

I shrugged, pretending not to notice. "So don’t get too comfortable."

"I’m not the one acting comfortable," she said softly.

That made me snort, though it came out more awkward than amused. Then, because I couldn’t leave the feeling alone, I tilted my head and smirked at her. "You must have been much more attentive to your ex-lover than this, right?"

Elaine flinched slightly, clenching her hands tightly. It was only slight, but I saw it. Her head lowered a fraction, and the silence that followed was suddenly sharper than before.

"Why should we talk about him?" she asked at last, her tone controlled, but just barely.

I should have stopped there. Instead, I let the jealousy keep talking for me. I don’t want to admit, but I am jealous.

"I’m sorry," I said, though I didn’t entirely mean it. "It’s just... if you can be this thoughtful to your nominal wife, then you must have moved mountains for the person you actually loved."

Elaine looked away. The firelight caught the edge of her face, and for a moment she looked tired in a way I had rarely seen. "Did I do something wrong?"

I blinked, slightly thrown. "No."

"Then why do you sound like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you’re testing me."

I opened my mouth, then shut it again. The truth sat unpleasantly in my chest.

Finally, I exhaled. "I appreciate your care, Elaine. I really do." My fingers tightened lightly around the quill. "But I’m self-sufficient."

Elaine gave a small, disbelieving smile. "That’s not the part I was talking about."

I frowned. "Then what is it?"

She looked at me directly now, and the softness in her expression unsettled me more than suspicion had. "I care about you."

For a moment, I couldn’t answer.

The crackle of the fire, the faint hiss of the kettle, the rustle of my gown as I shifted in my chair—everything seemed louder suddenly.

I scoffed to cover the pause. "I care about you too."

Elaine’s gaze didn’t move.

That made me feel more exposed than I liked, so I leaned back and added with false ease, "That’s why we’re friends with benefits."

Elaine blinked once. "Friends with benefits?"

"Yes," I said, a little too quickly. "You know. A practical arrangement."

Her mouth parted slightly, then closed again as she frowned, trying to understand my meaning.

I waved a hand. "One day, you’ll have your own life. A proper wife who actually loves you. Someone you’ll want to stay with for real."

Elaine’s expression changed then— not angry, not amused, but deeply confused, with something quieter underneath it. "Why are you..." Her voice lowered. "Why are you so eager to send me away?"

I didn’t answer immediately.

Because the truth was ugly.

Because trusting her felt dangerous.

Because kindness from someone like Elaine made me suspicious, and I hated how much I wanted it anyway.

Because if I let myself want too much, I might lose it.

So, I looked away first and muttered, "I’m just being realistic."

Elaine took a step closer. "That isn’t the same thing."

"It is for me."

Her voice softened. "Alexander..."

I frowned at the way she said my name. It sounded too careful, too personal. "What?"

She hesitated, then asked, "Do you really believe I want to be sent away from you?"

I looked up at her. The fire flickered between us, throwing warm light over her face, over her steady eyes, over the strange seriousness she never seemed to lose when it mattered. And for once, I didn’t know what to say.