Chapter 150: Sunset (33)

Kyle, giving no answer, kept extending her sword to kill me.

Even when our eyes met, there was no particular change in her expression.

Did I approach Seraphina looking like this, too?

I suppose I probably didn't look human.

Back then, I wandered around limply, like a semi-dried fish that had been gutted and kept without water.

I blocked Kyle's swinging sword strike and kicked her knee.

I couldn't think of a way to subdue her body intact.

I sidestepped Kyle's thrust, made after she somehow grabbed her knocked-away sword and braced the pommel against her palm, then seized her wrist and tackled her to the ground.

She was much lighter and weaker than I expected.

As I held her down, twisted her body, bent her knee, and then grabbed her right elbow and wrenched it in the opposite direction, Kyle, without letting out so much as a small groan, pulled the sword that was embedded in my belly.

The moment she pulled it out, blood gushed out like a fountain.

I'd tried to dodge, but it seemed I'd been stabbed somewhere I shouldn't have been.

Somehow I felt all the strength drain from my body, but after breaking Kyle's left arm as well, I staggered to my feet.

Looking down, I saw Kyle staring blankly, tears streaming down her face.

The blood spurting from my stomach subsided to a trickle, then spurted slightly again, lightly splashing Kyle's face.

After all, it seems better to just call her Kyle rather than Licia.

What's a moss for a cute girl's name like this?

It's not like her hair is green.

Her dazed expression somehow looked cute.

At the very least, it was far better than the expression she wore while looking down from the city walls at the people dying.

If I die like this, I probably won't be able to eat the candy I was given.

The demon was still looking at me with an amused expression.

The soldiers who had come out with me were almost all dead.

There were about three still alive, so I called their names and told them to carry Kyle inside. The blood-soaked soldiers ran to me and began taking Kyle away.

The demons didn't bother chasing after them.

I rummaged through my coat, then melted the candy wrapped in its shabby packaging in my mouth.

It tastes like pomegranate.

It had a somewhat musty, unpleasant taste, but since it was something I'd left rotting in my pocket for years, I didn't think much of it and let it melt slowly.

Mixed with the taste of blood, I couldn't tell what was what.

Anyway, gripping the sword Kyle had dropped and my dagger, I walked toward the demon this time.

"Are you not afraid?"

The demon asked.

Without answering, I looked down at the hole in my lower belly.

"I will favor you specially.

You seem to be a very strong warrior.

If you don't attack even now, I will take some measures and treat you as one of my kin."

"This is another dog's death."

Maybe I'm being punished for killing too many.

I mean, there are gods and demons, so maybe something like karma really does exist.

Without answering, the demon approached, pointing its staff at me.

Since I was trudging along with no strength in my body, it must have thought I looked like easy prey.

They say knights use mana to strengthen not only their swords but also their bodies.

Unlike mages, they supposedly channel something like the energy inside their bodies in the same direction as the swing to move even faster, or something like that.

Anyway, I set a direction to move with mana in a similar way, then stabbed at its head with the dagger in my left hand.

Once the inside of its head was stirred up, my headache seemed to get a little better.

Strangely, my body began to move according to the mana I'd laid down.

Perhaps I overdid it, because every time I swung my arm, bits of my flesh seemed to burst off.

Before long, I couldn't see anything at all, so I suppose it didn't matter.

Judging from the screams I heard, it seemed I was cutting the demon apart.

What more should I do next?

It's all just endlessly distant.

I've already been bent too many times to be broken any further now... so I had to do something.

If I come back even after being broken, then I have to escape somehow, right?

Even if I can't love myself, there are people who love me, so giving up on myself was hard too.

Because they love me.

Estelle, and Seraphina.

Though Lineta is ambiguous.

And Levina, even if she's a bit hard to stomach.

Probably Kyle, too.

These days, maybe because I've grown used to dying, I don't even see my life flashing before my eyes.

Getting used to it.

What the hell is that.

How pathetic.

****

Maybe it's because I felt so pathetic myself, tears flowed from my eyes.

I don't know why, but I wasn't sitting in a chair; I was standing somewhere.

As always, whenever I came back, I tried to take a cigarette from my coat, but someone knocked my hand away.

My precious cheap cigarette rolled across the floor.

"You said you quit? That was a lie too, wasn't it?

There's no way a punk like you would ever tell the truth.

You're a cowardly, disgusting son of a bitch, always busy lying to get yourself out of the moment."

The one who had knocked it away was Seraphina.

I stared blankly at the cigarette on the floor, then looked at Seraphina's face.

It was an expression I hadn't seen even once since I died.

A face she used to make at me long ago, a face of pure disgust and hatred.

"Lavin, you know what? I don't think there's a woman in the world as stupid as me.

I should never have gotten involved with a piece of trash like you from the moment we first met, but instead I took pity on you and was busy defending you, telling you not to mourn what you deserved."

There was a trace of blood at the corner of Seraphina's mouth.

Her cheek was bruised.

As if she'd been hit by someone.

And strangely, my chin, stomach, and cheek were stinging.

My legs were trembling so badly it didn't make sense.

When I touched them, a little blood came out, as if I'd been cut by something.

"That madwoman Levina should have killed you.

You should have died in that disgusting family long ago.

Whether you starved to death in a closet, jumped off a building, or had a servant you tormented stab you to death, you should have died.

You should have died long ago!! When your mother died, why didn't you die too!

Why the fuck are you alive in front of me, tormenting me like this?"

Something is wrong.

"When you whined that everyone was cruel to you, bullied you, and tried to kill you, I just felt sorry for you, but they were all seeing right through you.

Everyone already knew that a bastard like you deserved to die.

You don't have a single friend, no one to talk to properly, and now there's no one left who loves you, is there?"

Something is strange.

"I want to cut out the tongue that said affectionate things to you, that said I love you and wanted to be loved.

I want to pluck out the eyes that looked at you with love, and tear off the ears that listened to your cringey, unsophisticated words and said they liked them."

Seraphina said, letting out a hollow laugh.

She seemed out of breath.

"Say something, you disgusting bastard. Huh?"

I'd heard that before, but it felt like I'd heard it an incredibly long time ago.

"If I'd known you'd turn out like this, I should have told Father and broken off the engagement with someone like you long ago.

You kill someone, and then you just lie there crying so calmly?

Disgusting murderer, that's what you are."

After hearing that, I wiped my eyes.

"Kyle said that you treat people any way you want if they're commoners, right?

What are you, huh? You're neither a commoner nor a noble, so who do you think you are?

You should know your place, Lavin. You're someone who can't do anything and doesn't even know why they're alive."

I felt moisture on my fingers.

"Do you think I'll pity you just because you're crying with that blank expression?

Are you going out of your mind with misery because you were born unhappy, you don't know why you were born, and there's no one around you besides me to tell you they love you?"

Seraphina burst into a hollow laugh as she said that.

She came closer and jabbed my chest.

"Say it like you did before. Say it proudly: that rather than marry a slut like you, I'd be better off setting up house with a whore. Huh?

That rather than staying tied to an indecisive, good-for-nothing person like me, I'd be better off hanging myself and dying.

That I never loved someone like you even once.

That comfort never did any good.

Go on, slap me again, you worthless bastard who throws your hands first even though you can't even use magic.

What can you do? If there's nothing you can do, if you're just an incompetent piece of shit, then at least listen to me and don't act like a son of a bitch."

When I didn't react, Seraphina grabbed me by the collar, shoved me against the wall, pressed my throat, and screamed.

"Say something, you son of a bitch!!!!!"

It felt like my ears were being torn.

"Why... back here again?"

I grabbed Seraphina's wrist, tears streaming down her face, her expression contorted with spite as she stared at me, and slowly pried it off. Getting slapped in the face several times, I looked around the room.

I was being hit, but I was already so numb that I couldn't feel the pain.

A torn bed, a bundle of letters still burning, crammed into the trash can.

A room marked with dents as if jars had been thrown against it, filled with the unpleasant smell of alcohol and cigarettes.

And the taste of blood in my mouth.

A body throbbing as if it had been struck by something.

I can't muster any strength.

For some reason, the blood pooling in my mouth tastes like pomegranate.

Musty, stale, and fishy, but.

Somehow everything is a complete mess.

"Hey, Seraphina."

Seraphina just kept glaring at me, without answering.

Her eyes were terrifying.

That gaze, once again looking at me like garbage.

I thought everything was getting better.

"This is a dream, right?"

"Stop your bullshit. Just get ready for the broken engagement. I don't want to take a single breath in the same world as you anymore."

"How was it that I wake up from a dream?"

The fucking smell of tar.

I don't think I need to pinch myself, my cheek already seems to be split open.

The fucking smell of alcohol, the dust that rises from never cleaning, and the musty stench.

I was having a falling dream, but I don't remember how I woke up.

The window hadn't been open, but it was broken, thanks to something being thrown through it.

I pointed my finger at the window and blew it apart with a spell.

Looking beyond the window, the sun was setting.

A setting sun is beautiful.

It was beautiful anywhere.

Because it glows red.

Because it screams red?

Seraphina wore a blank expression.

Not as if it were natural, and not as if she were passing over the unnaturalness without noticing, she looked at me, utterly flustered.

It must be a dream, after all.

A shitty dream.

I moved my feet and climbed over the windowsill. Wanting to gaze blankly at Seraphina, I met her eyes as she stared blankly back at me, then jumped from the room.

"......Ah."

The room didn't seem to be very high.

My leg bent in a direction it couldn't bend, and my head seemed to have hit the ground, but somehow my consciousness remained clear.

Around me, people were screaming at the sight of me.

Still the same as ever.

I lifted my head and looked up at the sky. Against the red sky, Seraphina was gripping the windowsill, staring down at me with a blank expression.