Chapter 1084 - 814: Those Who Face the Adult World Before They Have a Chance to Grow Up (Part 2)

He not only internalized a behavioral rule, but also a set of definitions regarding his own [role].

When Jie Nianzhou expressed anger or resistance as a child, the feedback he received was quite negative—this negative feedback would repeatedly tell him:

Your emotions are problematic;

Your behavior is dangerous;

Even—your feelings are not worth being taken seriously.

Over time, these external judgments were absorbed by him as part of his self-cognition. He no longer thinks "my parents think my anger is wrong," rather, he thinks "my resistance is wrong in itself.";

And "I am indeed a person who is emotionally sensitive and behaviorally inappropriate."

More importantly, Jie Nianzhou also [internalized] a mode of misplaced responsibility.

In his original family, his expressions of negative emotions were not only not accepted, but instead made his parents feel anxious, disappointed, or angry—then he would be required to fix the situation. Like apologizing, promising not to do it again, or calming his parents’ emotions.

This led him to develop a new cognition: My feelings are not important, but I cannot let my feelings affect others.

A logical chain begins to gradually become clear—about the relationship between Jie Nianzhou’s [internalized] mode and his [Obsessive Compulsive Disorder].

Since childhood, Jie Nianzhou was trained not to express aggression, not to resist, so his anger finds no outlet and can only turn inward, becoming self-criticism and doubt;

He was told since childhood to be responsible for others’ feelings, so he developed an excessive sense of responsibility for the possibility that "someone might get hurt because of me.";

He was taught since childhood that "truth is not important, what’s important is how others judge you," so he needs to repeatedly confirm his innocence through recording, reviewing, and preserving evidence.

In [Developmental Psychology], each stage of a person’s life has its cognitive tasks; once completed, the individual can move to the next stage; if failed, the individual’s cognitive development may be damaged, even halted.

For Jie Nianzhou, a part of him did not grow up, that part still remains in childhood, remains in the home overlooked by his parents.

Such visitors are very common in psychological consultation.

Often, Nan Zhubin is clearly facing adult visitors, yet he can always see through their tall bodies and see a soft child.

...

With this conclusion in mind, Nan Zhubin still needs to let the visitor realize it themselves.

He did not change his voice to make it gentle but carried on the conversation like discussing a problem, then naturally transitioned to another direction.

Nan Zhubin said: "Does this mode appear in your later life, like when interacting with your mentor?"

Previously, it was general information collection, now it’s an in-depth exploration based on information collection.

Jie Nianzhou was obviously startled.

He lowered his head, his brows slightly furrowing, beginning to show a thoughtful expression.

After a moment, Jie Nianzhou’s expression relaxed a bit: "Seems... so?"

His tone carried some uncertainty.

"Last time you mentioned your current mentor—Teacher Bi—you said ’it’s just a normal life of a Ph.D. student, at most a bit harder.’"

Nan Zhubin recalled, using Jie Nianzhou’s original words to open a new topic.

Jie Nianzhou nodded: "Yes, I did say that... you remember it so clearly."

Nan Zhubin smiled at the visitor’s compliment, then continued: "Could you elaborate on what ’a bit harder’ specifically refers to?"

"It’s just... more work."

"She hasn’t been a doctoral advisor for many years, there are many projects, but not enough staff. So, each of us is assigned quite heavy tasks."

Jie Nianzhou tugged at the corner of his mouth: "Maybe that’s why she recruited us, the unwanted Ph.D. students, as it’s a mutual endeavor."

He initially used vague, lightweight descriptions, then immediately began explaining Teacher Bi.

Nan Zhubin nodded slowly, delving deeper: "What exactly does the work include?"

"Literature reviews, data analysis, experimental design... and writing some project proposals. Sometimes, I need to prepare materials for two or three topics simultaneously."

Nan Zhubin deliberately nodded: "Sounds indeed like normal academic work."

Then asked: "How is your current article progress?"

This question packs quite a punch for a Ph.D. student, rendering Jie Nianzhou silent for four or five breaths.

But this [confrontation], although emotionally hurtful to the visitor, is a necessary process for them to face their hidden issues.

"...Actually." After a pause, Jie Nianzhou said slowly, "Most of this work is for the teacher’s own projects."

"I...haven’t started my own project yet."

Upon saying this, Jie Nianzhou quickly added: "But most research groups seem to be like this."

No, at least not Bai Qinghua’s research group.

Nan Zhubin raised an eyebrow: "Does Teacher Bi add your name to her articles? First author? Or second?"

Beyond second author is unnecessary to ask – utterly pointless.

Jie Nianzhou was silent for another five breaths, another powerful question.

"She... didn’t say."

"But..." Jie Nianzhou paused, sighed deeply, "probably won’t."

[Confrontation] successful.

"So it seems to add a lot of burden to your work. After all, you haven’t even determined your own topic." Nan Zhubin said.

Jie Nianzhou pursed his lips.

"This doesn’t seem simply ’more work,’ nor can it be said in a relaxed tone. I feel this pressure might be quite severe on you, especially based on your current situation." Nan Zhubin further said.

Another [confrontation].

"Yes... somewhat." Jie Nianzhou paused, took a deep breath, "The pressure is indeed great."

[Confrontation] is very consuming for the visitor.

Seeing Jie Nianzhou’s state, Nan Zhubin began to take the lead in the consultation.

"You also mentioned earlier, your daily recording, and reviewing occupy a lot of time, often requiring staying up late."

"Then how long did it take to do these tasks for the teacher?"

Jie Nianzhou picked up the cup in front of him and took a sip of water.

With the [confrontation] breaking through, the subsequent expression becomes much smoother.

Jie Nianzhou no longer downweights his experiences and began to have a truthful expression.

"Needs a lot of overtime."

The visitor furrowed his brow: "It’s just... sometimes, the time she gives for many things is very tight. For example, a project submission might be due in two days, and she only tells me the day before. Also, her standards are high, revising a document five or six times is normal."

"So, I have to stay up late."

"Does this situation often happen?" Nan Zhubin asked.

Jie Nianzhou pursed his lips: "Almost... every project is like this, and the teacher frequently takes on projects."

"So I... often stay up late, sometimes all night. Weekends, holidays are mostly spent in the lab."

Jie Nianzhou looked up at Nan Zhubin: "Just like I told you before, about the climb, it was basically the only time I’ve gone out in a while, originally hoping to relax a bit, but..."

Nan Zhubin nodded slowly, and asked again: "What about other people in the research group, are their situations similar to yours?"

"All similar." Jie Nianzhou said, then added, "There really is a lot of work."

"A lot of work—does this ’a lot,’ have a specific amount? Like how many hours of work per day?" Nan Zhubin further pursued.

Jie Nianzhou took a deep breath and slowly exhaled.