Ch. 56 | New Beginning 14: Judgment Call

My stomach tightened, I almost couldn’t believe that I was actually doing it.

“I don't know,” I mumbled

Marcus's brow furrowed. “You don't know?”

“I just got here.” I rubbed the back of my neck, buying myself another second. “Can I at least have a few days to figure out how things work around here before you drag me into all this?”

Marcus’s expression hardened.

“Yurui, this is serious. This only works if the whole squad stands together when we go to the captain.”

I opened my mouth, still scrambling for something that wouldn't turn this into an argument, but Maya beat me to it.

“Marcus, lay off her.”

He looked over at her and was ready to say something when Maya spoke over him.

“Don't make me say it a third time. She just got here today.” Maya sighed and rested her head against the wall again. “Give her a chance to figure things out before you start demanding declarations of loyalty.”

Marcus looked like he wanted to argue, but whatever he saw on Maya's face apparently convinced him otherwise.

“Alright, fine. Take a few days to think about it.” Marcus leaned back with a sigh. ‘‘You can stay out of it for a while, but sooner or later Alysa’s gonna become your problem too.”

I gave him a small nod, and thankfully that seemed to put an end to the conversation for the time being.

My gaze drifted back toward the closed security-room door. Maybe Marcus was right about everything. Considering Alysa had managed to make me dislike her within minutes of meeting her, I wasn't exactly optimistic that a few more days around her would be enough to change my image of her.

But that wasn't really the point.

If I eventually decided she was every bit as awful as they claimed, fine. At least then I could say I’d actually judged her for myself, instead of just parroting everyone else because it was more convenient. I'd spent enough of my life around people who let the crowd decide what they were supposed to think, and I wasn't going to start doing the same thing now that I finally found myself on the comfortable side of it.

Not that anyone would judge me if I blindly sided with the group, it’s just that I would never forgive myself if I did so. The animosity of others I could deal with, but if I were to betray myself, well, there would be no coming back from that.

For now, I was going to leave it there. A few days wouldn't magically tell me everything about Alysa, but at least they'd give me something more than a terrible first impression and everyone else's word to go on.

Whatever conclusion I come to, I’ll own it completely.

Same goes for whatever consequences come with it.

Even though we settled this somewhat amicably, the mood in the room had soured. Oba somehow became harder to read than before. Marcus looked openly irritated, and even Maya wouldn't look at me the same, even though she was the one who got Marcus to lay off me.

Still, it bothered me more than I wanted it to. I'd only just gotten here, and somehow I'd already managed to put myself at odds with most of the squad.

Good job, Yurui. Couldn't have done a better job making yourself a social pariah if you'd actually tried.

I couldn’t help but think that I have made a terrible mistake, if Alysa turns out to be just as horrible as she appeared, I would have put myself at odds with my squad for absolutely no reason. But by now, it was already too late to change my answer, even if I wanted to– not that I wanted to.

I'd spent too much of my life letting fear decide when I should keep my mouth shut. Back at the academy, I had no choice but to keep my head down and take whatever abuse got thrown my way. But here, now, things were different.

I was different.

However, being stronger didn't mean I should start crushing anyone I remotely disliked beneath my feet. If anything, it finally gave me what I'd always been missing—the freedom to make my own choices instead of being swept away in the flow of other people's decisions.

Marcus, Narun, and Oba get up and leave, with Maya lingering behind for a moment before eventually following them out. Their clothes were tattered but still mostly intact, though judging by the state of them, they looked like they had just been dragged through hell. Part of me wanted to go with them. Okay, more than part of me, if I was being honest. They were the first people I’d started thinking of as friends in a long while, and watching all four of them walk away while I stayed behind left me with a hollow feeling I couldn’t quite shake.

For a moment, I almost called after them, but I stopped myself.

I’d already made my choice. Running after them now just because sitting here alone felt uncomfortable would only prove that nothing had actually changed. And if I was going to keep repeating the same old mistakes every time things got difficult, then what was even the point of joining the Security Forces in the first place?

I came here because I wanted something different.

More importantly, I wanted to be different.

And just like that I was left all by myself yet again. Fucking amazing.

For once, I’d wanted the freedom to make my own choice, and now I had it. Apparently that also meant getting to sit with the consequences afterward.

I’d barely had time to feel good about standing my ground before I started wondering whether I’d made a mistake. Sitting there by myself, watching everyone else leave together, the loneliness hit harder than I expected.

The security room door was still shut (mostly), but there was no mistaking the noise coming from behind it. Rapid gunfire crackled through the speakers, followed by an explosion loud enough to carry into the hallway.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” The shout suddenly came out of nowhere.

I flinched so hard I nearly stumbled.

“YOU WERE RIGHT THERE! HOW DID YOU MISS?!”

Another burst of gunfire answers her, immediately followed by an angry thud and something that sounds suspiciously like a controller hitting the desk. She sounded even more pissed off than before, which wasn’t a very good sign.

I stand outside the door for a few moments, listening as Alysa continues shouting at her game before finally mustering the courage to step forward. I already made my choice to stay behind, might as well see it through to the end.

I carefully walk up to the door and raise my hand, here goes nothing.

I knock.

“Fuck off! I'm busy!” A loud shout rings out from behind the door.

My hand remains awkwardly suspended beside the door.

Well, that’s certainly a promising start.

“It's me,” I call through it. “Yurui. Um... the new officer?”

The game goes quiet for all of two seconds.

“What do you want, jerk?” She replies, sounding annoyed enough you’d think I just pissed in her drink, for all it’s worth, at least she remembered me now.

“I just wanted to talk,” I answer after a brief hesitation.

There was yet another moment of brief silence.

“What for? I don’t even know you.“ Alysa replies, sounding even more annoyed than before.

I stared at the door blankly. I hadn’t actually planned this far ahead.

Another impressive display of my tactical genius. A few more decisions like that and I might have to admit I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Which would be as good as the end for my career as the mastermind who can figure anything out (but never does).

“I don't know. Just... talk?”

“Go talk to Marcus, I have no time for your nonsense." She shoots back immediately.

“About that…“ I replied…. “They left already.”

There was a pause, then she whistled.

“Damn. Sucks to be you.”

You are the fucking reason that they had left, I wanted to shout at her, but had to restrain myself, as that would not accomplish anything. Remember, keep my head cool and think this through, that’s how I always handled business.

The sounds of gunfire starts again as I stood there for another few seconds, expectantly waiting for something to happen. Nothing does. Apparently that was the end of the conversation.

“Well, that couldn’t have gone any better,” I mutter under my breath.

I probably should just leave at this point. Still, some stubborn part of me was determined to see this through, even if doing so would probably cause me more trouble than it was worth.

“I, uh...” For some reason, I'd thought getting her to invite me into the room would be the difficult part. “I figured I should hear your side of things before making any conclusions.”

There was a loud bang of something hitting the wall.

“You fucking…“ It was followed by a few more bangs, then a loud scream.

“Are you okay in there?” I ask, starting to get a little worried.

“No, I’m not fucking okay in here,” she snaps, but there’s a strange strain underneath the anger that makes me hesitate. “Just fuck off already, would you? I don’t have time for this. Go bother Maya or something—I heard she’s got fuck-all to do today.”

Ah yes, Maya, the busy bee of the squad, apparently had nothing to do. Somehow I found that hard to believe. From what I’d seen so far, she was practically carrying the entire squad on her back and seemed to be one of the only people around here actually doing any work. Alysa, meanwhile, was about the furthest thing in this entire damned building from someone I would describe as useful.

Before I can respond, the door suddenly slams open right in front of me. I jerk back and stare at Alysa, who looks almost as confused to see me as I am to see her.

“You’re still here? I told you to beat it already.” She says, her irises narrowing as she eyes me suspiciously.

It was clear by now that she wasn’t the sociable type, and I might have just made the biggest mistake of my life.