Chapter 311: Take Me Back.

Chapter 311: Chapter 311: Take Me Back.

Such was a servant’s place in this castle, and eventually, on the occasions that their paths would cross, they would pass each other by like they were strangers because that was the way it was and the way it had to be.

​Binny had pretended, but he had never been content with such a fate. And when he didn’t pretend well enough, he got in trouble.

​He’d tried to hide it, because servants were meant to hide it but Vector had seen anyway.

And just as Binny had feared, he’d been furious. So furious, in fact, that he had looked as if he wanted to do something about it; something that would no doubt get him and his family in trouble.

And that was the last thing Binny wanted for him.

​" Who did this?" he remembers Vector asking, and it’s always stuck with him; the way his voice had shaken. "Tell me, and I’ll see them punished."

​Which was exactly what Binny had been afraid of.

​"It’s nothing," is what Binny had told him –quietly, because servants don’t talk to nobles with such familiarity, and when Vector had done what he shouldn’t have and reached out to him one last time to trace the bruise forming on his jaw, Binny had flinched away.

​(Don’t, he’d said. Please.)

​Then he’d smiled, and told him not to worry about him; that it was fine, and he was fine, and that it wasn’t his business anymore. Should probably have never been his business in the first place.

​" –Like I said back then, Vector," he tells him, now. Again. "...You had your life, and I had mine. It’s just the way it has to be." His words make Vogrid scoff. Loudly .

​"If you truly believe that, then you’re not the Binny I once knew," he sniffs, looking down his nose at him as he adjusts his glasses.

A lot of people hated when he did that, but Binny never minded as long as his eyes were on him.

​And he’s got him there. Binny’s said the words a lot over the years, but he’s never believed it.

Not truly, and not even for a moment. Hadn’t he secretly held out hope all this time, that one day the two of them would sit here like this again, and it would be like nothing had changed?

​"Ah~ I never could fool you, could I, Vector?" he chuckles, eyes creasing in the corners. Vogrid doesn’t return the smile though, and it occurs to Binny that even though he’s never seen anything to blame him for, Vector might have shouldered some of that all on his own.

​" Vogrid , we were just kids," he reminds him quietly, voice soft and earnest. Kids, in a world much colder and uncaring than they were prepared for it to be. "What could you have done?"

​" Anything ," Vogrid retorts sharply, voice so unbearably bitter that it makes Binny’s heart clench, "Anything but what I did, which was nothing. And for that...I’m sorry."

​It’s probably the first time he’s ever heard those words fall from Vogrid’s lips, and Binny can’t stand it.

Without hesitation he instinctively reaches out to lay a hand over one of his, because this is important.

More important than stupid castle rules, and what’s proper and what’s not.

Vogrid’s hands are shaking, but under his touch they suddenly still, and when Binny peers up into his face, he finds him staring down at his hand –clasped in Binny’s –like he’s suddenly seeing it for the first time.

​And then those green eyes shift to him, wide and full of questions.

Binny just locks eyes with him and doesn’t pull away, wanting him to know that he doesn’t blame him for it. For any of it. Would he be here, if he did? Vector had been blessed with a good life; he hadn’t wanted him to throw that all away for him.

​"...I just didn’t want to make trouble for you," Binny murmurs, with a small, wry smile.

An apology; for making him worry all these years, shouldering the blame for something that was never his fault to begin with.

​"Binny," Vogrid says into the space between them, eyes melting into the kind of soft and warm that he had seemed to reserve for Binny alone, "You’ve been making trouble for me since the moment we met."

​Binny wants to laugh, because isn’t that just the truth?

​Except that he can’t , because that’s when Vogrid leans in and kisses him.

​As sharp as his eyes are, he didn’t see this coming.

​At first it doesn’t quite register.

​Ah, Vector’s lips are cold , is all he can think, and then his breath catches in his throat as a hand comes up to cup his cheek.

​(The hands were smaller, back then; the lips less sure, but the feeling of weightlessness that suddenly swells in his chest hasn’t aged a day.)

​And then, just as abruptly, Vogrid pulls away, leaving Binny absolutely, categorically, hopelessly lost for words.

​Red starts to creep up his neck. And then higher, until his cheeks are positively flaming and he has to snatch his hand back before that catches fire too.

​" What the –you can’t just kiss a guy out of nowhere like that, Vector!" he squawks, as loudly as he dares.

No one comes here, but the walls have ears. He should know. He has two of them. But rather than looking chastised, Vogrid gives him an even look.

Or rather, as even a look as he can manage with pink riding up on his high cheekbones.

​"I suppose you would be the expert," he retorts dryly, and well , he’s certainly got him there.

And then he swallows and looks away, embarrassed. "...Excuse me," he mumbles, abruptly getting to his feet, and Binny stares at him helplessly, frozen.

​No, not embarrassed.

​Uncertain.

​Ah, shit. I didn’t kiss him back.

​" Wait ." Wind rushes back into Binny’s lungs just in time, and for someone who talks so carelessly and says so many words that don’t mean anything, this single one comes out with weight .

He doesn’t remember moving, exactly, but he must’ve because he’s no longer sitting either, and his hand is now clenched tightly in the cuff of Vogrid’s sleeve like a lifeline.

And maybe, in a way, it is.

​Because now that they’re here again, Binny can’t bear the thought of going back to the way things used to be.

He can’t be a stranger to Vector again. And it seems like he doesn’t want that either.

​Vogrid turns back to face him, and even though there are snowflakes starting to drop down around them, the expression he’s wearing makes Binny think of spring.

​"...After all this time?" he finds himself whispering incredulously, and Vogrid scoffs as he adjusts his glasses in the way he always did when he finds a question absurd.

And maybe it is.

​"I should think you would know the answer to that."

​A smile finds its way to Binny’s lips; small and secret and fond, because he does. He really does.

​People don’t understand Vogrid Vector. They think he’s cold, and distant. And at times they’re right, but what they fail to realise is that underneath that frosty exterior, there is a sentimental man still hopelessly, desperately in love with the boy who stole his first kiss under a cherry blossom tree in spring.

​Binny gets it. Isn’t he the same, after all?