Chapter 2. Get Laid or Die: The Worst Terms and Conditions I’ve Ever Accepted

Chapter 2: 2. Get Laid or Die: The Worst Terms and Conditions I’ve Ever Accepted

Ding!

A translucent blue window appeared in the air in front of my face, and I almost cried out of pure relief.

"Fucking finally..."

[LUST SYSTEM ACTIVATED]

[Host: Leon Levarion]

[Physical Strength: Critically Low]

[Lust Energy: 100/100]

[System Rank: Unclassified Primary]

[Function: Convert successful intimate encounters with adult women into Lust Energy rewards and permanent power acquisitions.]

[Special Function: SSS-Rank Beastwoman Radar (Active)]

"YES! LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO, MOTHERFUCKERRSSS~!" I shouted, and I punched the air so hard that I almost threw out my shoulder. "I knew it! I knew I wasn’t getting screwed!"

"Look at that, a system! A real, proper, legitimate cheat system that was clearly a match for me, and what’s even better is... it comes with beastwoman radar!"

"Thank you, God, thank you, whoever’s in charge... I take back everything I said about your sense of humor!"

I kept reading, and my smile started to slip.

Convert successful intimate encounters with adult women...

I read the line three times to make sure my brain wasn’t playing a trick on me, and then I read it a fourth time, slower.

The more I understood it, the more my excitement started turning into a cold lump in my stomach.

The system didn’t give me power for free, and it didn’t give me power for killing monsters or leveling up like a normal system. It wanted me to earn every bit of strength by sleeping with women who actually wanted to sleep with me.

There was a promise of choices, too. Once I completed a requirement, I could pick my reward from a list, whether that was physical strength, magic, elemental control, or some other rare ability, as long as I met the unlock conditions and paid the price.

On paper, it was my dream... but in reality, I was a buffed, broke, half-frozen idiot in the middle of nowhere.

Ding.

[SYSTEM RULES]

[1. Lust Dependency. The host’s body requires Lust Energy, obtained by completing the system’s intimate requirements. Without it, energy will continue to decline.]

[2. Physical Deterioration. When energy reaches a critical threshold, the host’s strength, endurance, focus, and magic will weaken. If left unresolved, the condition may become fatal.]

[3. Reward Selection. Every completed requirement unlocks one choice from the available reward list.]

[4. SSS-Rank Beastwoman Radar. The radar detects only SSS-Rank beastwomen. It shows direction, approximate distance, rank, and condition but does not reveal their full abilities or intentions.]

I stared at the window for a long moment.

"Wait," I said slowly. "So if I don’t get laid, I die?"

The window remained silent, and that silence felt somehow worse than receiving an answer.

"That’s not a system... That’s a fucking hostage situation, and this felt like karma to me."

I started laughing, and it was the kind of laughing that comes from a place of deep, genuine fear.

I had spent my whole life believing that getting women was the easiest thing in the world, and now it was literally a matter of life and death.

A less experienced man would have been terrified. But me? I was a professional.

I had charm, I had experience, and I had an unshakable belief in my own game.

Then the wind hit me again, and I remembered that I was a broke, freezing, weak-ass stranger in a world I knew nothing about, with no money, no connections, and nothing to offer any woman except a questionable smile.

Ding.

[NOTICE!!! The host cannot force a target to consent.]

[The radar does not guarantee that a target will like the host. The host must find a way to survive and build real connections.]

"So you’re telling me," I said very carefully, "that I need to survive long enough to charm women who might actually want to murder me, and I can’t even use force, and you won’t give me a starter weapon?"

[Correction: Your survival requirements have been clearly stated.]

"You’re a system, not my fucking mother! You’re supposed to help me here, hello?!"

[Emotional outburst detected. No reward granted.]

I opened my mouth to argue, closed it again, and then looked up at the snowy sky with the dead eyes of a man who had finally run out of ideas.

"I’ve been reincarnated into a world with magic, monsters, and beautiful beastwomen," I said quietly, "only to find out that my own system is trying to kill me..."

[It’s just a tutorial, dickhead.]

"Alright, thanks for telling me that so that the readers won’t stop reading such a system that punishes their user with death."

After that... The blizzard didn’t respond. It never did.

I started walking, mostly because standing still felt like an invitation to freeze. The snow came up to my shins, and every step felt like dragging a cart full of bricks.

I kept my arms wrapped around my chest and tried to remember anything useful from the previous owner of this body, but all I could dig up was a vague memory of a cheap tavern and a loud argument over an unpaid bill.

’At least I need to stay happy that I finally get a chance to fuck with tons of real beastwomen... and I have to start this from zero again with tons of experience from my previous life.’

Within an hour, the symptoms started.

First came the tiredness, a heavy feeling in my limbs that I tried to ignore. Then my knees began to shake whenever I stepped wrong, and little black spots drifted across my vision like dust in a sunbeam.

At one point I tried to count how many fingers I was holding up, and I got three, then five, then a number I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist.

"Okay, fine," I muttered, spitting snow out of my mouth. "This is fine... Totally fucking fine..."

"I’ve had worse hangovers... and I can’t complain like a fucking bitch because... I’m a man... a real man...!"

Then... I tripped over something buried under the snow and went down hard. I lay there for a few seconds with my cheek pressed against the cold, wondering if this was how it was going to end.

Dying twice in one day would be a record, even for me... and who am I to blame? This is the reincarnation that fucking screwed me over.

Ding.

A red dot blinked on the faint map that had appeared in the corner of my vision, somewhere deep inside a frozen forest to the north. Then the window slid open in front of me, and everything else stopped mattering.

[SSS-RANK TARGET DETECTED]

[Target distance: 1.7 km]

[Species: Wolfkin]

[Gender: Female, Adult]

[Rank: SSS]

[Condition: Critically Injured]

[Location: Frozen Northern Wilderness]

[Threat Assessment: Extreme]

[Warning: The target’s combat capabilities remain dangerously high despite severe injuries.]

I read every line twice. Then I sat up so fast that I got dizzy.

An SSS-Rank beastwoman. Not a monster, not some random adventurer, but the real thing, the exact type of person I had spent my entire previous life fantasizing about.

And she was only a little over a mile away. That actually gave me at least some adrenaline to go meet her right away and try rizzing her up.

"Holy shit," I whispered. "Holy... FUCKING shit!"

"It’s real... I’m actually going to meet one, and this is a dream come true!"

Then my eyes caught the last lines of the warning, and my excitement cooled down a little. What does that system mean by critically injured...?

Especially that threat assessment... it says extreme.

I thought about what that combination probably meant. A woman, strong enough to be ranked SSS, had suffered enough to seek refuge in the depths of a frozen forest.

Whatever did that to her was probably a lot scarier than a horned rabbit, and she might not be in the mood for visitors.

I weighed my options, which took about two seconds, because I didn’t have any. I could stay here and freeze, or I could walk toward a wounded predator and hope she was in a forgiving mood.

In my experience, most women are more forgiving when you show up to help them instead of hit on them, so I picked the second option and got to my feet. It’s going to work, trust me, I’ve been experienced with this kind of shit before.

"Alright," I said, trying to sound braver than I felt. "Step one, find the wolf lady..."

"Step two, don’t get eaten... but if it’s eaten in such a sexual way, then I dig."

"Step three... figure out the rest and how to get strong in such an instant way."

And so my first journey begins... and to be honest, the walk was miserable. I fell four times, I got snow in my boots almost immediately, and the wind found every hole in my clothes like it had a map.

By the time I was halfway there, I was swearing a steady stream at the weather, the system, the sword on my belt, and the entire concept of winter.

"When I get my first power," I growled, dragging my left foot out of a drift, "the first thing I’m doing is buying the warmest fucking coat in the world..."

"I’m going to wear it to bed... and I’m going to wear it to my own wedding!"