Chapter 149: Why Does This Hurt So Much?

A knock came after some minutes.

The sound was soft, but it still made me open my eyes. I had been staring at the ceiling for so long that I had almost forgotten about everything around me. The room was quiet except for the steady beeping of the monitor beside my bed and the faint sound of footsteps passing in the hallway.

The door slowly opened, and Camila walked in.

She closed the door behind her before turning toward my bed. Her eyes immediately found me, and I could tell from the way her expression changed that she noticed something was wrong.

I turned my head to look at her as she approached.

"What is the problem, Amelia?" Camila asked quietly. "Why are you crying? Did something happen?"

I lowered my eyes to the blanket covering me.

I didn’t answer.

My fingers moved slowly over the fabric, rubbing the edge between my fingertips. The blanket was soft, but I barely felt it. My mind was somewhere else.

I could still feel Sylvia’s lips against my forehead. I could still hear her voice.

I love you, babe. Just wait for me.

The memory made my chest hurt.

I swallowed hard, trying to push the feeling away, but another tear slipped down my cheek.

Camila noticed it. She pulled the chair closer to my bed and sat down.

"Lia," she called softly.

I finally looked at her. Her eyes were full of concern.

"Cam..." My voice came out weak.

"I’m here."

I stared at her for a few seconds before asking, "Do you think I’m doing the right thing?"

Camila frowned slightly. "Doing what?"

I lowered my gaze again. "Do you think I’m ruthless?"

Her expression changed. "What are you talking about?"

I pressed my lips together. I didn’t know how to explain what was happening inside my head. Everything felt tangled. My thoughts were running in different directions, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t arrange them properly.

I wanted to stay.

I wanted to leave.

I wanted Sylvia beside me.

At the same time, I wanted her as far away from me as possible.

It didn’t make sense.

None of it did.

"What is the problem?" Camila asked again, her voice softer this time. "Talk to me, Lia."

I looked up at her face.

The tears continued rolling down my cheeks.

"I want to leave the country, Cam."

Camila went still. For a moment, she didn’t say anything. Then her eyebrows slowly lifted.

"You want to leave the country?"

I nodded.

"I want to stay away from Sylvia until I can remember and protect her."

My voice cracked on the last word. A sob escaped my mouth, and I quickly covered it with my hand.

I hated how easily I was crying.

I hated feeling like I had no control over myself.

But the more I tried to hold it in, the worse it became.

"Tell me, Cam," I whispered. "Am I being selfish?"

Camila stared at me.

I expected her to answer immediately, but instead, she stood up.

She walked closer to my bed, leaned down, and wrapped her arms around me. The moment I felt her arms around me, everything I had been holding back broke apart.

I buried my face against her shoulder and cried.

Not a few quiet tears.

I completely broke down.

Sobs after sobs escaped from my lips as my shoulders shook. My fingers gripped the back of her clothes, and I pressed my face against her as if I could somehow hide from everything by closing my eyes.

Camila didn’t say anything. She simply held me.

One hand rested gently against the back of my head while her fingers slowly stroked through my hair.

The warmth of her hand felt comforting. For a few moments, I allowed myself to forget that I was supposed to be strong.

I didn’t have to pretend in front of Camila.

I didn’t have to force a smile. I didn’t have to act like I wasn’t afraid.

I could just cry.

So I did.

The hospital room remained quiet around us. The monitor continued beeping steadily, and somewhere outside the room, a nurse spoke softly to someone before the sound faded away.

I kept crying until my chest began to ache.

Eventually, my sobs became quieter. I slowly pulled away from Camila and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

My cheeks felt hot, and my eyes were sore.

Camila looked at me without saying anything. She didn’t make me feel embarrassed about crying.

She simply reached for the tissue box on the small table beside my bed and handed me a few tissues.

I took them and wiped my cheeks.

"What do you want to do right now?" Camila asked, meeting my gaze.

I stared at her.

"I don’t know." My voice sounded tired. "I don’t know, Cam."

I looked down at my hands.

"I want to be transferred to another hospital right now without Sylvia knowing where I am."

Camila’s eyes widened. "What?"

I swallowed. "Not even my parents."

She stared at me as though she were trying to decide whether I was serious. "Amelia, what are you saying?"

"I want to leave."

"You just woke up and are still recovering. You have doctors taking care of you here."

"I know, Cam."

"Then why do you suddenly want to leave?"

I looked away.

The answer was sitting heavily inside my chest, but I didn’t know how to say it.

Because I was afraid. Because I didn’t trust what was happening around me.

Because Sylvia was the person I wanted closest to me, yet somehow, she was also the person I felt I needed to protect by staying away.

I couldn’t explain that without sounding completely unreasonable.

"We will talk about that later," I said quietly. "Just make the new hospital arrangement."

Camila stared at me. "Lia..."

"I don’t want Sylvia to meet me here."

There was something in my voice that made her stop.

She watched me for a long moment.

I could see the questions in her eyes.

She wanted an explanation. She wanted to know what had suddenly pushed me this far, but I wasn’t ready to give her one.

Camila finally sighed. "Okay."

She reached into her pocket and brought out her phone. She unlocked it and looked through the screen before dialing a number.

I watched her quietly.

The call connected almost immediately.

"Hello?" a voice came from the other end.

Camila glanced at me before speaking.

"Please make a room at your hospital. I’m transferring someone there."

I tightened my fingers around the blanket.

The words sounded strange coming from her.

I’m transferring someone there.

Someone.

That someone was me.

I was actually leaving.

I was preparing to disappear from everyone who cared about me.

Camila turned slightly away from me as she continued talking.

"Yes. I need a private room." She paused and listened. "Yes, as soon as possible."

Another pause.

"I’ll handle the paperwork." She glanced back at me. "Yes. I’ll send the details once everything is ready."

She listened for a few seconds before finally saying, "Thank you."

The call ended, and Camila lowered the phone.

I stared at her.

"It’s arranged," she said.

I nodded slowly. "Thank you."

She didn’t sit down; instead, she remained standing beside my bed, studying me.

"That’s all you’re going to say?"

I looked up.

"What?"

"You just asked me to arrange for you to leave this hospital and disappear from your family and girlfriend, and all you can say is thank you?"

I lowered my eyes. "I don’t know what else to say."

Camila sighed and sat back down. "Then start with the truth."

I remained silent.

"Why do you want to do this?"

I rubbed my thumb against the edge of the blanket. "I already told you."

"No, you didn’t."

"I want to protect Sylvia."

"From what?"

My heart began beating faster. "I don’t know."

She frowned. "You don’t know?"

I shook my head. "I just know that I can’t stay here."

Camila leaned forward. "Amelia, listen to yourself."

I looked at her.

"You’re asking me to help you disappear without telling your parents, without telling Sylvia, and without giving me a proper reason."

"I know."

"Then you have to understand why I’m worried."

I nodded. "I do."

Camila reached for my hand. Her fingers wrapped gently around mine.

"You’re not thinking about this clearly."

I looked down at our hands. "Maybe."

"You’re still recovering from an accident. I think you’re emotional and scared."

My fingers tightened slightly around hers.

"Yes."

Camila squeezed my hand. "And that’s okay."

I looked up.

"But you don’t have to make every decision while you’re scared."

A tear slipped down my cheek.

"I don’t know what else to do." My voice cracked. "I really don’t."

Camila’s face softened.

I looked away because I didn’t want her to see how much I was struggling.

"I don’t want to hurt Sylvia."

"You won’t."

"You don’t know that."

"I know you care about her."

"I do."

My answer came immediately. There was no hesitation.

Camila noticed.

I lowered my head.

"I care about her so much that it hurts." My voice became quieter. "I don’t remember everything, but when she’s beside me, I feel something."

I placed my free hand against my chest.

"I can’t explain it."

Camila remained silent.

"I don’t remember our first meeting. I don’t remember our arguments. I don’t remember how we became close. I don’t remember what made me fall in love with her." My throat tightened. "But somehow, when she touches me, I don’t feel afraid."

I closed my eyes briefly.

"When she holds my hand, I feel safe."

I opened them again. "And when she leaves, I feel like something is missing."

Camila watched me quietly. "Then why are you pushing her away?"

I didn’t answer immediately.

Because I didn’t know how to explain it.

I was afraid that if I stayed close to Sylvia, something would happen.

Maybe it was only fear.

Maybe it was because my memories were missing.

Maybe my mind was trying to protect me from something I couldn’t understand.

But the fear was real.

"I don’t want her to get hurt."

Camila’s voice softened. "Do you think you’re dangerous to her?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

I stared at the blanket. "I’m afraid of what I don’t know."

Camila didn’t interrupt.

I continued slowly. "Everything feels strange now. I look at people and I know their faces, but sometimes I feel like I’m missing something important."

I swallowed.

"Even with Sylvia." My eyes filled again. "I know she’s important to me. I can feel it. But I don’t know why."

Camila squeezed my hand. "Your memories may come back."

"What if they don’t?"

"They might."

"What if they never do?"

Camila became quiet. I looked at her.

"What am I supposed to do then?"

She didn’t answer immediately. I gave a small, bitter laugh.

"That’s what I’m afraid of." I wiped my tears.

"What if I never remember her? What if I spend the rest of my life knowing that she loves me but not remembering why I loved her?"

Camila’s eyes softened. "And that’s why you want to leave?"

I nodded. "I don’t want her to spend her life waiting for someone who might never come back."

Camila stared at me. "You think leaving will make it easier for her?"

"I don’t know." I looked toward the window.

"I just think staying beside her when I can’t even remember our relationship is unfair."

Camila didn’t respond.

The silence stretched between us.

Cold air brushed against my skin, but I still felt strangely warm from crying. I pulled the blanket slightly higher.

"I don’t want her to keep looking at me and seeing someone who isn’t there anymore."

Camila shook her head. "You’re still you, Amelia."

"Am I?"

She looked at me. "Yes."

I stared at her. "I don’t feel like it."

"Because you’re missing memories, not because you’ve become someone else."

I looked away.

Maybe she was right.

But that didn’t make the emptiness disappear.

I wanted my memories back.

I wanted to remember Sylvia’s smile.

I wanted to remember the first time she held my hand. I wanted to remember the silly arguments.

The laughter, the moments that had made us who we were.

Most of all, I wanted to remember why my heart reacted to her even when my mind couldn’t.

"I want to remember her," I whispered.

Camila nodded. "I know."

"But I don’t want to stay here while I can’t."

"Why?"

I looked at her. "Because every time I look at her, I want to stay."

Camila’s expression softened. "And that’s bad?"

"No." I shook my head. "That’s the problem."

A tear rolled down my cheek.

"If I stay, I might stop trying to figure out what’s happening because I’ll just want to stay with her."

Camila was quiet.

I continued. "I don’t want to make a decision based only on what my heart wants."

"And what does your heart want?"

I didn’t need to think.

"Sylvia."

The word came out so softly that it almost disappeared.

Camila gave me a sad smile. "But you’re still choosing to leave."

"I have to."

"Do you?"

I looked at her. "Yes."

She sighed. "You’re stubborn."

A small smile appeared on my face.

"You’ve always said that."

The words left my mouth before I could stop them.

Camila stared at me, and I stared back. For a brief second, neither of us said anything.

Then she smiled faintly.

"See? Some things are still there."

I lowered my eyes. She rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand.

"You don’t have to decide everything tonight."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because if I wait, Sylvia might come back."

Camila’s expression changed. "And you don’t want her to know?"

I shook my head. "Not yet."

"Why?"

"I won’t be able to leave if she asks me to stay."

Camila looked at me for several seconds, then she nodded slowly.

"Okay."

I breathed out in relief. "Thank you."

"But I need you to promise me something."

I looked at her. "What?"

"If you’re going to leave, don’t do anything reckless. And don’t try to handle everything alone."

I nodded. "I promise. Cam?"

She turned toward me. "Yes?"

"Please don’t tell Sylvia where I’m going."

"I won’t."

"And my parents?"

"I’ll keep it private for now."

I nodded. "Thank you."

Camila gave me a small smile.

"You don’t have to thank me." She stepped closer and gently touched the side of my head. "But you need to understand something. You’re not ruthless for wanting to protect someone you love."

My lips trembled as I continued meeting her gaze.

She continued. "But running away doesn’t automatically mean you’re protecting her either."

"I know," I whispered, slowly.

"Make sure you’re doing this because you truly believe it’s necessary, not because you’re punishing yourself."

My eyes lowered. "I’ll try."

Camila nodded. "That’s all I need."

She moved toward the door. I watched her reach for the handle.

Before she opened it, I spoke again.

"Cam."

She turned. I stared at her for a moment.

"Don’t let me change my mind if Sylvia comes back."

Camila’s expression became serious. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes."

She studied me before finally saying, "Okay."

The door opened. Cool hallway air drifted into the room, carrying the faint smell of disinfectant with it.

Camila stepped out, but before closing the door, she looked back at me.

I gave her a small nod.

The door closed and silence returned.

I slowly sank deeper into my pillow. My eyes moved toward the chair beside my bed, where Sylvia had been sitting.

The chair was empty now, but I could almost imagine her there.

Her head resting against the side of my bed, her hair falling across her face, her hand reaching for mine, and her voice calling me "babe."

My chest tightened and I closed my eyes.

"Why does this hurt so much?"