Chapter 10: God of Failure

The gutter maws slithered up the pilings and onto the dock, their slimy pale bodies piling on top of each other as they dragged themselves over the old boards. One by one, they turned to face Kai, and every set of spinning teeth pointed straight at his halo.

Kai took one step back, and then another, until his heels were right at the edge.

"How many are on the dock?" Kai whispered.

[Three. There are two more in the water. Dagna will wait until all five are on the dock]

"Tell her to hurry up," Kai whispered.

[I cannot. You did not buy Minor Voice]

"I know I didn’t," Kai whispered.

The fourth maw made it onto the dock, and the fifth was much bigger than the others. As it pulled itself out of the water, Kai noticed a huge gash running down its side, the kind of wound something would get if it had fallen through a tunnel floor.

"Oh no," Kai said. "That was my kill."

[It lived. I am fairly certain it remembers you]

The big maw opened its mouth, and its teeth began to spin.

The other four were already halfway down the dock, with the big one close behind them, which meant all five were finally on the boards. All Dagna had to do was strike her flint, and all Kai had to do was get off the dock before it went up in flames. The problem was that the only way off the dock was through five gutter maws, and Kai was standing at the very end on oil-slicked boards with nowhere left to back up.

"Fine," Kai whispered. "I guess it’s Smite."

[Aim at the target. Please]

Kai dug his feet into the boards and thrust his hand out towards the closest maw, which was so close now that he could smell its rotten breath. He poured every bit of power he had into the spell.

"MINOR SMITE!" Kai screamed.

The golden blast shot out of his hand and missed the maw by a few feet, slamming into the water beside the dock instead. The force of it knocked Kai flat on his back, and he went sliding down the oil-slicked boards towards the shore as fast as the oil could carry him.

He slid right under the first maw, slipped between the next two as they snapped at his halo, and shot past the fourth, and then the big one lunged. Its teeth tore through the board right next to Kai’s face just as he flew off the end of the dock and landed on the shore, right on top of Mira.

They both went down hard, and Kai’s face landed on the front of Mira’s dress, right where the dress had been made to look its prettiest.

[Are you scared, horny, or humiliated?]

"Yes," Kai mumbled into Mira’s dress.

"Get off of me!" Mira yelled.

Kai rolled off of her, and the halo followed him, hovering right over his head on the shore. All five maws turned around and started crawling back down the dock, towards the light, towards Kai, and towards every villager hiding behind the crates.

"The light!" Mira said as she scrambled to her feet. "You moved the light!"

"I know!" Kai yelled.

"Move it back!" Dagna yelled from behind the crates.

"I’m trying!" Kai yelled.

The maws were almost to the end of the dock, and if they made it to the shore, the whole village would die. Kai looked up at his halo and then out at the far end of the dock, and he remembered what had happened the last time he aimed a spell at himself.

"Reverse psychology," Kai mumbled.

He turned his back to the dock and pointed the spell straight at his own chest.

"Minor Light!" Kai yelled.

The halo vanished from above his head and reappeared in his hand, hovered there for a second, and then shot backwards over his shoulder and came to a stop above the water at the far end of the dock. The maws stopped, and then all five of them slowly turned around and began crawling back towards the light.

[You pointed the spell at yourself, and it went exactly where you wanted]

"I’m getting better," Kai whispered.

[You are getting better at failing. I am not sure that is a thing]

Dagna didn’t give the maws a second chance. She struck her flint, and the moment the spark hit the oil, fire raced down the length of the dock and climbed up the posts. Then it spilled out onto the water, lighting up the river, the drain pipe, and every one of the white eggs hanging beneath the dock.

The maws began to shriek as the flames reached them, and three of them fell off the dock into the burning river, and one twitched on the boards and went still.

But the big one kept crawling. It dragged itself through the flames and onto the shore, and it didn’t turn towards the light. It turned towards the man who had beaten it twice, and Mira was standing right next to him when it lunged.

"Minor Ward!" Kai shouted, casting the spell at Mira.

The spell left his hand, made a sharp turn, and wrapped itself around Kai instead.

"Oh, shit!" Kai yelled.

He didn’t have time to argue with the spell, so he threw himself in front of Mira just as the maw hit him. Its teeth sank into the shimmering barrier around him and cracked it, and Kai could see those teeth spinning all the way down its throat. Then the barrier shattered, and the teeth stopped just an inch from his chest.

A giant golden blur flew past Kai as Garrick’s hammer came crashing down on the maw’s skull. It twitched once and went limp, then slid off of Kai and onto the sand, smoking.

Kai lay on his back, panting and trembling all over, and rubbed his chest just to make sure it was still there.

[Your ward saved you. You cast it at Mira, and it saved you instead, and saving you allowed you to save her. The spell knows what it is doing]

"That spell sucks," Kai panted.

[The spell was correct]

The dock was engulfed in flames that lit up the night sky, and the eggs beneath it began to burst one by one. The villagers slowly crawled out from behind the crates to watch it burn.

"The drain," Dagna said, pointing at the pipe in the riverbank, barely visible beneath the fire. "More of them will come through that. Draven has tons of them in his mines, so we need to seal it off."

Everyone turned to look at Kai.

"Why me?" Kai asked.

"Because you’re a god," Garrick said.

"Of failure," Mira said.

Kai sat up and pointed at the drain, making very sure to aim well to the left of it.

"Minor Smite," Kai said.

The blast shot out of Kai’s hand, curved through the air, and hit the drain dead on, and stone and dirt flew up and rained down into the water until the drain was completely buried.

For a long moment, nobody said anything, and the only sounds were the crackling fire and the rushing river. Then the whole village exploded with excitement.

Everyone was jumping and cheering, and Harl and Bram lifted old Tobin up into the air, cane and all. Wren threw her arms around Garrick, who just stood there in shock. Dagna stood watching the fire with tears in her eyes, and for the first time since Kai had met her, she was smiling.

The chimes in Kai’s head would not stop.

[Faith gained. Followers: 31. Dagna Reeve: 18%. Garrick Holt: 22%. Mira Vallen: 21%. Status: Worshipped.]

"Thirty-one," Kai whispered.

[The entire village, including those who were not in the chapel. They must have seen your halo from their windows. You have gained 12 divinity points]

Kai got up on his knees, and someone grabbed the front of his vest and pulled him the rest of the way to his feet. It was Mira, with the bottom of her dress burned, sand in her hair, and dirt smeared across her face. She pulled him in so close that he could feel her breath on his face, and for a moment, he thought that maybe—

"Don’t do that," Mira said, and her voice was shaking.

"Do what?" Kai asked.

"Throw yourself in front of things to protect me," Mira said.

"I was trying to put a shield on you," Kai said. "It just didn’t work."

"You still threw yourself in front of me," Mira said.

She didn’t let go of his vest, and her eyes dropped down to his lips. Kai’s heart was pounding so hard that he was sure she could feel it through her hands.

[Horny. I know for certain this time. I have learned how to detect it]

Old Tobin came up behind Kai and slapped him on the back so hard that he almost fell over.

"THE GOD OF FAILURE!" Tobin cheered. "Somebody buy this boy a drink!"

Mira let go of his vest and stepped back, blushing bright red.

"Later," Mira whispered.

"Later," Kai whispered.

Dagna wiped the tears from her face and walked over to them, and she looked down at the dead maw on the sand before turning her gaze to the north.

"We blocked one drain," Dagna said. "Draven has hundreds."

"Then we block Draven," Kai said, looking north beside her.