Chapter 26: Wrong Guy, Right Guy

Nobody moved as the Holy Champion stood on the dock with his sword pointed at Kai and the corpse of a maw cut in half on the boards in front of him, while the villagers hid behind their huts and watched the whole scene unfold.

Every one of the thirty-nine baby maws on the broodmother’s back looked up at once, because they hunted by light, and the Holy Champion was the brightest thing Kai had ever seen. Their teeth began to spin, and a few of them slid off their mother’s back and into the water, swimming straight for the shining man in white.

"Oh, shit," Kai said.

[Oh, yes]

The Holy Champion didn’t even flinch, and instead he raised his sword higher and began to glow even brighter.

"Abominations," the Holy Champion said. "Return to the darkness."

"NO, WAIT!" Kai yelled.

He let go of the chain, stood up on the broodmother’s back, and leapt for the dock, planning to land between the Holy Champion and the baby maws in a cool, heroic way, but that didn’t happen. He slipped on her slimy skin, launched himself through the air, and landed face-first on the dock, sliding on his stomach until he came to a stop at the Holy Champion’s feet.

His penis was still glowing, and the baby maws stopped, because now they had two options, and one of them was a lot closer to the water, so all thirty-nine of them turned and looked at Kai’s penis.

[You have failed. They are no longer swimming towards him]

"Yeah, I know," Kai whispered, still face down on the dock.

The broodmother let out a low growl, and the babies in the water swam back and climbed up onto her back again.

The Holy Champion looked down at Kai, and Kai looked up at the Holy Champion. He was even worse up close, with a chiseled jaw, clear blue eyes, and not a single scar, and he smelled like clean laundry and sunlight, if sunlight had a scent, and his armor was immaculate, while Kai was covered in river water, and his penis was glowing.

"Hi," Kai said. "I’m a big fan."

The tip of the Holy Champion’s sword came to rest against Kai’s neck, and it was hot.

"You ride the beast that has been destroying the villages along this river," the Holy Champion said. "Its children follow you, and you have light within your body." He wasn’t angry, and he was simply stating facts. "You are either a heretic or a demon. Which is it? I can make this quick."

Kai started running through the lies he could tell this man, from monster tamer to kidnapped fisherman, and he could probably get away with most of them.

[Kai. Do not lie to him]

"I wasn’t going to," Kai whispered.

[Your heart is beating rapidly]

"Holy Champion," Elowen called from behind him.

Kai heard her splash into the water and climb onto the dock, soaking wet, with her sword in her hand. The Holy Champion looked at her, and for the first time, he seemed surprised.

"Sister Inquisitor Elowen Ashgrave," the Holy Champion said. "You have abandoned your post at the Cathedral."

"Yes," Elowen said.

"The High Priestess has been looking for you," the Holy Champion said.

"I know," Elowen said.

"And now you ride with a monster and a heretic," the Holy Champion said.

"Yes," Elowen said.

The Holy Champion was silent for a moment.

"You cannot lie," the Holy Champion said. "And your sword cannot be lied to. It was blessed by the Radiant Mother herself." He lifted his blade an inch away from Kai’s neck. "Judge him, Sister. Right here and now."

Elowen lifted her sword, and it was dark.

Kai swallowed and slowly got to his feet with his hands up while the Champion’s sword followed him.

"Okay, fine," Kai said. "I’ll tell you the truth."

He took a deep breath, because while he had lied to a lot of people in this world, but he had never told anyone the complete truth all at once, and it felt like stepping off a cliff.

"My name is Kai Mercer," Kai said. "I’m a con artist, and I lie for a living. I’m not a demon, and I’m not even from here."

Behind him, Elowen’s sword stayed completely dark the whole time.

"The monster belongs to Lord Draven," Kai said. "He had her chained at the bottom of his mine, and he was using her children to destroy the villages along the river so he could claim their land. I freed her by accident, and she decided she liked me by accident. We were following his barges down the river to stop him."

The sword still didn’t so much as flicker.

"And my penis glowing was an accident," Kai said.

Elowen’s sword stayed dark again, and the Holy Champion stared at it for a while, and then he looked at Kai.

"Are you a god?" the Holy Champion asked.

Kai almost said yes, because he had been telling everyone he was a god for weeks, from the guards in that first alley to the fishermen in Millbrook to Draven himself, but then he looked at the sword.

"I don’t know," Kai said.

The sword stayed dark, and on the broodmother’s back, Mira let out a small breath, and Kai didn’t look back, but he heard the ding.

[Faith gained. Mira Vallen: +4%. Status: Proud.]

The Holy Champion lowered his sword.

"You are a truthful heretic," the Holy Champion said. "I did not know such a thing was possible."

"Neither did I," Kai said.

The Holy Champion’s eyes moved slowly over Kai’s body and stopped at his chest, as if he could see right through the fishing vest.

"There is something within you," the Holy Champion said. "A light. It is golden, and it is not yours."

Syraphim went quiet, and she had never been quiet before. She was always there at the back of his mind like a warm, comforting feeling, but now she had curled up into a ball and gone silent.

"When the two moons came together in the sky, I was praying to the Radiant Mother in the Cathedral," the Holy Champion said. "She told me she would give me a gift that would make me a god. I waited all night." He paused. "It never came."

Nobody on the dock said a word.

"Did you take it from me?" the Holy Champion asked.

"No," Kai said. "She grabbed me. I was climbing out of a bathroom window."

Elowen’s sword stayed dark, and the Holy Champion looked at Kai for a long time.

"She chose wrong," the Holy Champion said.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Kai said.

The Holy Champion sheathed his sword, and his glow dimmed.

"I will not kill you," the Holy Champion said. "The Inquisitor has proven that you are truthful, and I will not kill a truthful man without a verdict." He turned to Elowen. "You will both come with me to the city. I will take you to the Cathedral, and the High Priestess will decide."

"So I’m under arrest," Kai said.

"Yes," the Holy Champion said.

"Great. Awesome for me," Kai said, and Elowen’s sword stayed dark.

"The monsters cannot come," the Holy Champion said, looking at the broodmother. "If the citizens see them, they will riot. Send them away, or I will."

Kai turned around to see the broodmother floating at the end of the dock with thirty-nine babies on her back, and Garrick, Dagna, and Mira were all still sitting on top of her, staring at the Holy Champion, so he walked to the end of the dock.

"Girl, you need to go home," Kai said. "Up the river to Brekk and the rest of your babies. He’s afraid of you, but he’ll take care of you. I promise."

The broodmother rested her head on Kai’s chest and nearly crushed him.

"I know," Kai said. "I’ll miss you too."

Garrick, Dagna, and Mira jumped off of her and onto the dock, and the little maw that had been sitting in Mira’s lap slid off last and looked up at her with its blind face.

"Go," Mira said, pointing up the river. "Go home. Shoo."

The little maw didn’t move at all.

"Fine," Mira said, and she petted it once. "Now go."

The little maw finally slid off into the river.

"Goodbye, Draven," Dagna said sadly. "I’ll beat up the real one for you."

Kai pointed down the river, which was the wrong way.

"Minor Light," Kai said.

The light appeared and floated up the river, exactly where he wanted it to go. The broodmother turned and followed it with her babies on her back, and Kai watched until she was out of sight.

[Faith update. Follower: Unknown (Broodmother). Faith: 18%. Status: Home.]

The river was quiet as the villagers came out of their huts, and one small child was staring at Kai’s pants, which had finally stopped glowing.

"We will leave for the city at dawn," the Holy Champion said. "Rest."

He started up the hill towards the village, and everyone he passed bowed to him. Kai stood on the dock and watched him go.

"Syraphim," Kai whispered. "Are you there?"

There was no answer for a long moment, and then a faint voice.

[Yes]

"You went quiet," Kai whispered.

[He could see me. No one has ever seen me]

"Are you okay?" Kai whispered.

There was another long silence before she answered.

[Kai. I must tell you something]

Kai’s stomach dropped, because he knew that voice. It was the voice his ex used right before she broke up with him, and the voice his landlord used right before he raised the rent. It was the voice of doom.

"What?" Kai whispered.

[I was made for him, and I am still tied to him. If you die, I will not die with you. I will go to him]

Kai looked up the hill, where the Holy Champion had stopped walking and was looking back down at Kai, with his hand resting on his sword.