Chapter 7: The Tacos Return

They walked another half mile through the tunnel while the water got shallower and the smell slowly began to fade. Up ahead, Kai could see a pale gray light where the tunnel finally ended, and he could hear water rushing past the opening.

Nobody had said a word since Mira hit him, but she was walking beside him now instead of behind him. Her arm kept brushing against his as they walked, and she never once moved it away.

[Her heart rate is elevated]

"She’s angry at me," Kai whispered.

[Her heart rate does not think so]

The tunnel ended at a grate hanging over the river, and most of it had already rusted away. Garrick kicked through what was left, and they climbed down onto a muddy riverbank covered in grass that came all the way up to their chests.

The sun was starting to rise over the hills to the east, turning the sky a soft gray and pink. The river was wide and muddy and rushing by fast, and through the trees, Kai could see the city a mile or so behind them.

Kai sat right down in the mud without a second thought, because after that tunnel, he was already covered in much worse things.

"We made it," Kai said.

"We made it," Garrick said. He set his bag down and dropped onto a rock next to Kai, still breathing hard from the climb.

That was when they heard the bells.

They came from the city, low and booming, first one bell and then three, until it sounded like every bell in the city was ringing at once. Birds burst out of the trees along the riverbank and scattered into the sky.

"Those are the bells of the Radiant Church," Mira said quietly. "They only ring like that when the High Priestess is calling for a hunt."

"Elowen must have reported back," Kai said.

"Of course she did," Mira said. "She can’t lie."

"That sucks," Kai said.

"I’m sure it would suck if it were you," Mira said.

Garrick stood up and looked down the river with a frown.

"We need to get moving," Garrick said. "Once they figure out we’re not in the city, they’ll send riders down the river path. But first, both of you need to clean up. You smell like the inside of a gutter maw."

"You smell too," Kai said.

"I smell like my shop," Garrick said. "That’s a good smell. I’ll keep an eye on the path."

He grabbed his hammer and started climbing up the hill towards the trees, leaving Kai and Mira alone on the riverbank. Kai looked at Mira, Mira looked at the river, and then she looked back at Kai.

"I’m going around that bend," Mira said, pointing at a thick patch of reeds. "Stay right here. If you look, I will kill you."

"I was not going to look," Kai said.

[Your heart rate is—]

"Shut up," Kai whispered.

Mira disappeared into the reeds, and a few seconds later, Kai heard a splash followed by a sharp yelp.

Kai waded into the river up to his waist, and the water was so cold that he gasped and his whole body locked up. He dunked his head under and scrubbed at his hair, and big chunks of gray sludge broke loose and drifted away downstream.

He pulled off his apron and tossed it onto the bank, and then he looked down at his pants, which were so filthy that there was probably something living in the left pocket. So he took them off too, dunked them in the water, and started scrubbing.

[Kai]

"Yes?" Kai whispered.

[While we were in the tunnel, I was thinking about the question you asked me last night]

Kai stopped scrubbing his pants and held very still in the water.

"What question?" Kai whispered.

[What I would want to look like]

"And?" Kai whispered.

[I have not figured that out yet. But I did find something. I have been looking through the parts of myself that were made for the Holy Champion, and I found something I did not know I had. If your followers gain enough faith in you, I may be able to take a physical form. It would only be for brief periods of time at first]

Kai stood frozen in the middle of the river with his pants in his hands.

"You can take a physical form?" Kai whispered.

[I am already real. I just would not have to be inside your mind anymore. I could be next to you]

"That’s amazing," Kai whispered. "How much faith do we need?"

[More than what a blacksmith, a noblewoman, and 1% of an inquisitor can give you]

"And the fish lady," Kai said.

[The fish lady does not count. She does not have faith in you. She has something else]

"Okay," Kai said. "That’s fair."

[Kai]

"Yes?" Kai whispered.

[Your pants]

Kai looked down at his hands and realized they were empty. When he looked downstream, he saw his pants floating away about twenty feet out, spinning lazily in circles on the current.

"No!" Kai yelled.

He dove after them, slipped on a rock, and went under, and by the time he came back up, his pants were thirty feet away, and then forty. Then the current in the middle of the river grabbed them and swallowed them whole.

Kai stood in the river, soaking wet, in nothing but his taco boxers.

[The tacos have returned]

"Why does this always happen to me?" Kai asked.

[I have been trying to figure that out as well. I have a theory, but you will not like it]

"Tell me," Kai said.

[The universe finds you amusing]

The reeds rustled, and Mira climbed out of them onto the bank, wringing out her long silver hair. She was wearing Garrick’s shirt again, and it was so drenched that it clung to every curve of her body, and it was very obviously the only thing she had on. She stopped short when she saw Kai standing in the river in his boxers, and her eyes went straight to the tacos.

"Where are your pants?" Mira asked.

"They’re gone," Kai said.

"How?" Mira asked.

"They floated away," Kai said.

"They floated away," Mira repeated.

"I was having an important conversation," Kai said.

"With the voice," Mira said.

"With the voice," Kai said.

Mira stared at him for a long moment, and then she did something Kai had never seen her do before. She laughed, and it wasn’t a polite noblewoman’s laugh either. She laughed so hard that she snorted, which only made her laugh even harder, until she was bent over holding her stomach and couldn’t breathe.

Kai stood in the freezing river and waited for her to stop.

"Are you done?" Kai asked.

"No," Mira said, and started laughing all over again.

A chime rang in Kai’s mind.

[Faith gained. Mira Vallen: +1%.]

[I believe that was the tacos]

"You have to be kidding me," Kai whispered.

[I do not know how to joke. I will learn one day]

Kai climbed out of the river and put his apron back on, which covered his front just fine but left his back, and his tacos, on full display.

Mira finally straightened up and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I haven’t laughed since my father died," Mira said softly.

Kai didn’t know what to say to that, and for the first time in his life, he didn’t even try to come up with something, so he just nodded.

Garrick came jogging back down the hill from the trees with his hammer in hand, and he stopped to take in the scene. He looked at the front of Kai’s apron, then at the back of Kai’s apron, and then at Mira’s shirt, and he closed his eyes just like he had in the tunnel.

"I’ve been gone for ten minutes," Garrick said.

"The river took my pants," Kai said.

"Of course it did," Garrick said, opening his eyes. "There are riders on the path. Four of them, carrying the church banner. They’re moving slowly and searching along the riverbank."

Kai’s stomach dropped all the way down to his bare feet.

"How long do we have?" Kai asked.

"Maybe fifteen minutes," Garrick said. "We need to follow the river through the trees. There’s a fishing village about two hours downriver called Millbrook. They don’t like the church there, so they might be willing to help us."

"Why don’t they like the church?" Kai asked.

"The church takes from every town along the river," Garrick said. "And people have been going missing in Millbrook for the last couple of months. They go out to fish at night and never come back. The village asked the Radiant Church for help, and the church sent a priest who blessed the water, took their money, and left."

"People have been going missing at night," Mira said quietly, looking back at the tunnel they had just climbed out of. "By the water."

"By the drain pipes," Kai said.

"Draven’s drain pipes," Mira said.

The three of them looked at each other as the same thought settled over all of them.

[Kai, you are thinking a thought]

"I’m thinking that if a town has been let down by one faith," Kai said slowly, "they might be open to another."

[That is a dirty thought, Kai]

"Thank you," Kai whispered.

[That was not a compliment. Although I am not sure anymore]

Garrick picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, and Mira turned her back on the city. Kai adjusted his apron, which did absolutely nothing, and started walking into the trees in his taco boxers.

"Kai," Mira said.

"What?" Kai asked.

"Walk in front of me," Mira said.

"Why?" Kai asked.

"So I can see your tacos," Mira said. "It’ll make me feel better."

Kai could hear her smiling without even turning around.

[Faith gained. Mira Vallen: +1%.]

[Once again]

Kai let out a long sigh and kept walking, with his tacos leading the way.