Chapter 84: Even Self-Deception Has a Time Limit

Chapter 84: Chapter 84: Even Self-Deception Has a Time Limit

A smile touched Xie Jinbai’s eyes. He let out a low "Oh?" and leaned close to her ear. "I have a question I’m curious about, too. How about we clear things up for each other?"

Cui Lingyao looked up, a little wary.

Unfortunately, she was completely blind in the darkness and couldn’t see a thing.

But lighting a lamp was out of the question. What would they do if a servant discovered two shadows in the room?

As a martial artist, Xie Jinbai had no trouble seeing in the dark. Seeing her beautiful almond eyes filled with defensiveness, he coaxed her, amused, "It’s perfectly fair. You answer one of my questions, and I’ll answer one of yours. I absolutely won’t let you get the short end of the stick."

’When had he ever let her get the short end of the stick?’

Cui Lingyao hesitated for a moment, but in the end, her curiosity got the better of her.

She nodded. "Then you answer my question first."

’She was genuinely curious whether, after her death, he had been as utterly, gut-wrenchingly heartbroken as she felt today.’

As for why she was so curious, Cui Lingyao didn’t stop to think about it.

Xie Jinbai, however, silently analyzed her state of mind, and a slow smile spread across his lips.

He gave a slow, deliberate nod. "Alright, then. I’ll answer your question first."

The tragic image of his lover’s sudden death three years ago was still vivid in his mind. Now, holding her in his arms once more, thinking of the past... although the lifeless despair was gone, the memory was still painful.

Xie Jinbai said, "I didn’t cry."

Cui Lingyao froze, and her expression immediately soured.

’She had thought the darkness would act as a shield for them both.’

’She made no effort to control her expression.’

The displeasure on her face was plain to see.

She probably didn’t even understand why she was upset.

Xie Jinbai watched her quietly, then suddenly lowered his head and kissed her eyes.

The kiss was so sudden that Cui Lingyao was caught off guard, her eyelashes fluttering wildly.

Beneath his lips, he felt the warmth of vibrant life.

Not a deathly, icy cold.

A tremor ran through Xie Jinbai’s heart. He gave her another firm kiss, and when he spoke again, there was a new clarity in his voice.

He said, "I never believed you were dead. I just thought the world was full of quacks. Li Wanrong was seriously poisoned and in the water longer than you were, yet she’s alive and well. It made no sense that you, who were always so healthy, would die."

She had fallen into the water right before his eyes, and he had pulled her out in time.

At worst, she should have only caught a cold.

And yet, she had stopped breathing.

Even now, Xie Jinbai found it hard to accept.

For three years, he had never dared to believe she was truly dead.

He held on to the belief that their destiny was not over, that she would definitely come back.

He searched everywhere for capable people and strange people, hoping to summon her soul back.

He was afraid her soul would have nowhere to go if it returned, so he preserved her body like a madman.

In the end, by some miracle, she had actually returned.

Albeit... in a different body.

But that didn’t matter. As long as she was back, everything was alright.

Cui Lingyao found this hard to understand. "You mean to say you guarded my corpse for three years, but you didn’t believe I was actually dead?"

’Isn’t that just deluding yourself?’

Understanding her unspoken implication, Xie Jinbai fell silent for a moment before saying, "I had to think that way."

If he hadn’t deluded himself, he wouldn’t have been able to endure for three years.

Cui Lingyao frowned. "If that’s the case, why did you go on all those military campaigns?"

’And to think, I thought he couldn’t face the reality of my death and was deliberately losing himself in bloody slaughter.’

’So that wasn’t it?’

’Had I just been flattering myself?’

Xie Jinbai reminded her, "That’s your second question, Yaoyao."

’He’s keeping score.’

Cui Lingyao fell silent.

Xie Jinbai chuckled. "Don’t be upset. I’ll tell you everything."

He held the girl in his embrace and answered patiently, "Sometimes the campaigns were to capture people, sometimes to seize treasures... and sometimes, it was purely because I didn’t want to be idle. I had to find something to do."

There was no better pastime than slaughtering the Alien Clan.

Cui Lingyao had been born and raised in an era of peace. Even her last time in Great Yue, she had been the legitimate daughter of the Marquis Mansion, sheltered and raised in the lap of luxury.

Even though she knew war was cruel, she couldn’t imagine the reality behind his brief words.

At his words, she fell quiet for a moment before asking, "Your injury this time... was it an accident, or...?"

That was her third question.

Xie Jinbai didn’t bother reminding her this time. He paused, then said softly, "Even self-deception has an expiration date."

Three years.

After repeated failures to summon her soul, he had lost all hope. He couldn’t deceive himself any longer, nor did he want to.

And that was what led to the grievous injury of an arrow piercing his chest.

If she couldn’t come back, then he...

Cui Lingyao’s body went rigid, and a wave of belated fear washed over her.

’The system’s judgment was right after all.’

’He really did have the face of a man destined for a short life with no heirs.’

’If she hadn’t come back, Emperor Qianyuan from the history books would likely have never existed.’

’He would have died.’

’Died just like Mrs. Shen.’

’When she’d faked her death, she had prepared herself to never see him again in this life.’

But Cui Lingyao had never thought he would actually die.

She looked dazed, unable to speak for a long time.

In the darkness, Xie Jinbai stared at her intently, a storm brewing in the depths of his eyes.

"Yaoyao..." He tightened his embrace. "It’s your turn to answer my question."

Cui Lingyao snapped out of her daze and blinked. "Go ahead."

Xie Jinbai didn’t beat around the bush. "According to you, your soul returned when you were drugged with the seductive powder at Yu Xuan Tea Garden. In that case, did you know that I went to your chambers that very night...?"

He trailed off for a moment before asking, "Yaoyao, when did you become certain that I had been there?"

"..." Cui Lingyao was quiet for a moment before answering truthfully. "I wasn’t sure the first night. I only confirmed that you had really been there on the second night."

"So,"

His suspicions confirmed, the shadow over Xie Jinbai’s heart lifted slightly. He asked with a laugh, "You were putting on a show for me, weren’t you?"

"What?" Cui Lingyao didn’t quite understand.

"You and Shen Tingyu, boating and picking flowers together, whispering secrets to each other in the pavilion, and even giving him Lotus Cake that you made yourself—"

Xie Jinbai recounted everything that had happened, his voice growing deeper. "All of this took place after the second night I came to see you."

It was because of all this that he had started to doubt whether he was mistaken.

On the third night, he ignored Li Yong’s protests and went to find her anyway.

He...

Xie Jinbai’s lips thinned. "You were angry that I’d been so forward with you, and you knew my men must be watching you from the shadows, so you deliberately acted intimately with him for me to see?"

She deliberately promised to marry Shen Tingyu.

Deliberately went to Shen Tingyu’s courtyard and spent the whole afternoon alone with him.

Deliberately met him at night to gaze at the moon side-by-side.

She even allowed Shen Tingyu into her room under the soft moonlight.

No, wait...

Xie Jinbai’s jaw suddenly tightened. He reached out and lifted her chin. "Last night... you knew I was there?"

Cui Lingyao’s eyes darted away, and she instinctively tried to turn her head to avoid his gaze.

But she quickly remembered that the room was pitch-black. He shouldn’t be able to see any more than she could.

’There was no need to hide.’

"Don’t try to weasel out of it, Yaoyao," Xie Jinbai said, tightening his grip on her chin and grinding his teeth as he leaned closer. "My second question. It’s your turn to answer me."

"So what if I did?"

She hated this attitude of his more than anything. Dropping all pretense, she laid her cards on the table. "You’re right about all of it. I did it on purpose. You barge into my room uninvited and take liberties with me, so am I not allowed to come up with ways to handle you?"