Chapter 955: Nothing Goes According to Expectations (9)

“Chicken?”

“Ready.”

“Drinks?”

“Ready.”

After checking the mountain of late-night snacks laid out on the table, the members and I gave thumbs-ups.

Biju asked,

“Hyung, where’s Ri Hyuk?”

“He said he was washing up in the shower room. Looks like he sweated a ton practicing for Mission Singer.”

As I spoke, I looked around the company cafeteria.

The interior looked fancy enough to mistake for a hotel cafeteria.

In fact, outside mealtimes it really was run like a café.

A refreshing view spread beyond the giant glass windows.

Soft jazz music drifted through the air.

Whenever I relaxed in a chair and opened a book in an atmosphere like this, I always ended up feeling like some incredibly important person.

“They hold meetings here pretty often.”

“The atmosphere’s nice.”

Maybe because of that, employees usually used the place as a substitute meeting room.

It was spacious, and doing anything here somehow just felt pleasant.

Apparently whenever multiple departments needed to gather, people naturally said things like, “Should we meet in the cafeteria?”

“Oh my, what is that smell? It’s amazing.”

“You’re here?”

The TF team arrived first and gathered around a nearby table.

“We’re here!”

“We made it too.”

The PR team and A&R staff entered carrying laptops one by one.

And then—

“Oh? The producing team’s here too.”

“We heard something strange.”

Team Leader Na Sangyoon and the other composers looked at me.

“They said you composed a children’s song, and it was so good they’re preparing an official release.”

“Yes. That’s right.”

“You really wrote a children’s song...?”

“Yes.”

I offered seats to the producing team staff, who stared at me with bewildered eyes.

Good thing we’d ordered tons of food just in case.

Everyone stabbed boneless fried chicken with forks while opening up community sites, social media feeds, and portal search pages on their laptops to monitor reactions.

Normally we would’ve monitored things by ourselves in the break room, but tonight the staff were joining in to watch reactions live too.

『Uncle Bunny』

The children’s song I composed.

Director Jo Gyuhwan had listened to it once and immediately gone, “Huh?” before launching this whole project.

Jiho asked,

“Wooju hyung’s children’s song is good, but... will people really react that strongly? I mean, it’d be nice if they did...”

“Exactly.”

Director Jo had aggressively pushed forward saying, “Let’s do it,” but both we and the staff still looked somewhat dazed.

This was a little different from , which we’d written in America.

That was a pop song.

This was literally just a children’s song I wrote to play with kids.

“But still, it’d be too wasteful to leave a song like that unused.”

The A&R Team Leader spoke.

“Director Jo said the same thing, but we all felt something from that song too. Some kind of unexplainable sparkle.”

“Really?”

“And the kids absolutely loved it. We even secretly conducted blind testing.”

Everyone became curious when they heard they’d even done blind tests with children.

“How’d it go?”

“After conducting blind tests with the children of our A&R staff...!”

“?!”

The parents from the A&R team complained as if venting accumulated suffering.

“My five-year-old Naeun cries every day asking me to sing it again...”

“My son begs me daily to play that song for him again. This seriously needs to be released...”

“They just keep asking for it endlessly...”

The realistic testimonials made us burst into laughter.

Honestly, the people most excited for tonight’s broadcast were the parents of the children who’d been on set during filming.

Trend’s Hye Won sunbae had already sent me messages.

Hye Won [Today... this mother will finally be freed from Bunny Hell]

Hye Won [(crying emoji)]

Anyway, it definitely seemed addictively catchy for children.

While we chatted about that—

“I’m here.”

Ri Hyuk entered smelling faintly of shampoo and body lotion.

“Hurry over. We ordered your favorite.”

“Thanks.”

“Ri Hyuk hyung, good job practicing. Now go win so you can suffer even more afterward... ow!”

Just as Ri Hyuk arrived, the news on HBS ended and the announcement banner appeared.

[Coming up next: <Seojun Lives at the Supermarket : Special Part 1>]

One of the producing team staff asked,

“Special Part 1?”

“They’re airing both Part 1 and Part 2 today.”

“?”

The composers checked the programming schedule and looked shocked.

“They’re really airing two episodes back to back?”

“Yes.”

The first double broadcast in the history of .

Apparently it had been ordered directly by the HBS director.

-Director. How are we supposed to edit this? There’s way too much NewBlack footage... At this rate it’ll turn into a Yeoul family special.

-Then just make it a special broadcast?

-...!

Of course, there were other reasons too.

Manager Hong Seoyeong explained,

“The World Cup starts this week, remember?”

“Ah...”

“There are matches starting next week. Once that happens, cancellations become normal... and it’ll be hard to maintain buzz.”

The variable was the World Cup beginning this week.

The HBS scheduling department had concluded that once the national team matches started in earnest next week, the show would lose all attention anyway amidst the World Cup chaos.

And the timeslot afterward was just reruns regardless.

“It feels like Pyeongchang happened yesterday already, and now it’s the World Cup. Time flies.”

“Seriously.”

“Was your debut during the Brazil World Cup?”

“Yes. I think it was maybe a week before our debut? Around then. Junghyun kept resisting the urge to watch matches so he could practice.”

We chatted about 2014—which was somehow already four years ago—while picking at chicken.

Then after far more commercials than usual for Seojun’s show—

A narration began along with a notice saying the childcare variety show was not suitable for children under twelve.

[Seojun Lives at the Supermarket~!]

Then the episode chapter title appeared.

[Episode 327! Hello? You’ve never met Supermarket Uncles before, right?]

Jiho mumbled through a mouthful of jokbal,

“Wow. This is interesting. Childcare shows start really calmly.”

“That peacefulness is the charm.”

If it were another variety show, they would’ve started with dramatic previews screaming [THIS WEEK!] while showing bizarre highlights.

Instead, the childcare show quietly displayed the daily life of seven-year-old Yubin’s family, one of the cast families.

Ri Hyuk smiled.

“This feels nice somehow.”

“Yeah.”

The parents on screen were suffering while the children sprinted around shrieking “Kyaaaah!”, but we watched generously.

‘Children really are...’

‘So beautiful when viewed from a distance.’

Actually taking care of children had been painful, but watching another family’s story peacefully through a screen felt strangely heartwarming.

So this was why people watched childcare variety shows?

That was how we spent the first thirty minutes immersed in healing family scenes.

“Stop! Stop! Don’t put that in your mouth!”

“Didn’t Mom tell you to listen?!”

“Waaaaaah! I hate you, Moooom!!”

Then—

Flash.

My phone lit up.

Hanjo [I’m so excited]

Hanjo [In just a few minutes you’re going to be surrounded by children and suffering... and I’m going to enjoy it immensely]

Hanjo [hehehehe]

Hanjo, who had appeared on Seojun’s show before, snickered gleefully.

A picture arrived shortly after.

The Street Boys members were all gathered together in a hotel room in Japan while on tour, watching the TV.

Me [Why is Namu standing over there]

Hanjo [Doing squats]

I burst out laughing at the picture of him intensely doing squats.

Back in our debut days they’d all looked so skinny, but now they’d somehow become total muscle monsters.

Right as I laughed at my fellow debut-era friends—

“Hyung, hyung, we’re coming on!”

“Really?”

The moment Yeoul’s family finally appeared, our eyes sharpened.

[Ding dong!]

The doorbell rang at the house while Yeoul’s family was going about their daily routine.

And our silhouettes appeared behind the door.

[Sliiide—]

As the door opened, we appeared in slow motion.

The children shyly stared in awe at the members’ visuals—

Then the moment I appeared, the screen shifted into slow motion again.

[Sharararang~♬]

Cherry blossom petals fluttered across the screen in CGI.

And with the popular romance drama OST Ri Hyuk had sung playing in the background, the camera zoomed dramatically onto my face.

Mm. I did look good.

“I didn’t sing that OST for this...”

Ri Hyuk lamented while the screen showed Yeoul, Minwoo, and Yuna staring up at me blankly.

Everyone laughed at how cute the kids were—

Then the children suddenly toddled over and proudly offered me their favorite yogurt drinks.

[Dis is Yuna’s favowite.]

[Minwoo likes dis too.]

The members immediately made expressions like their appetites had disappeared all over again while the staff and I burst into laughter.

I sent a message.

Me [Did you see it]

Flash.

Messages immediately started flooding in.

Hanjo [Filthy world]

Hanjo [You think popularity gained through cheating like this is going to last forever??]

Me [Yep]

I laughed while reading him complain that he’d spent over thirty minutes acting cute just to get children to like him.

Overall, the editing was calm and gentle.

“Even if it’s not explosively funny or anything, I think people’ll find it quietly enjoyable.”

“The ratings will probably be pretty decent.”

“It’s not like we’re doing anything especially outrageous.”

Just as we were saying that—

Manager Hong Seoyeong suddenly spoke.

“They said it hit the highest ratings ever.”

“?”

“I just got contacted by Producer Kim at HBS. Apparently they just hit the highest minute-by-minute ratings in the show’s history...?”

“??”

We pointed at the TV in confusion.

“...For scenes like this?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t variety shows usually need things like racing goats or being chased by ghosts to get high ratings...?”

“??”

“Can ratings really come this easily?”

“Wait. I think you guys have a very strange understanding of variety shows... ratings can be high even without stuff like that.”

Everyone burst into laughter at the culture-shocked expressions on our faces.

There was a phrase often used in the entertainment industry.

A guaranteed box-office hit.

In the film industry, top actors were often called “Chungmuro’s guaranteed box-office stars.”

Likewise, in variety entertainment, there was NewBlack—the guaranteed ratings check.

Back then, viewers thought:

‘NewBlack’s appearing on a show I watch? Sounds fun.’

Now the reaction had become:

‘NewBlack’s appearing? Then I have to watch.’

Because of that, the ratings for were soaring.

-ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-Look at the babies already ignoring the other members for Wooju ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-So cute ㅋㅋㅋ

-Fact) Babies don’t discriminate against strangers. They discriminate based on faces.

-[System] Childcare difficulty has changed to Easy Mode.

-It’s not Easy Mode anymore. It’s Wooju Mode.

-But kids really are like that ㅋㅋㅋㅋ My nieces avoid me if I don’t wear makeup... cruel little demons ㅠㅠㅠ

People burst into laughter while watching Wooju monopolize all the children’s affection on screen.

These were viewers who tuned in after hearing NewBlack would appear on the popular variety show .

The ratings kept climbing higher than usual.

-NewBlack to appear on HBS’s ‘Seojun Lives at the Supermarket’... challenges childcare

HBS had released press materials and promotional clips before the broadcast.

“So they’ve been doing that Newni... that Uni-jjajang thing lately, right? What was it called? Newviser?”

“It’s New Universe, Dad.”

“The younger employees at work say it’s hilarious. Apparently they do all sorts of crazy stuff.”

“It is funny. It’s on NBS...”

Conversations like that unfolded in homes all across the country.

-New Universe or whatever it’s called is really popular lately.

Recently NewBlack’s standalone variety show had exploded in popularity, and <Seojun’s House> was benefiting from the effect.

To the parent generation holding TV remotes at home, NBS was an unfamiliar channel.

But HBS was just Channel 5.

“The babies like them immediately.”

“Has Yeoul ever been this shy before? Oh my... she absolutely adores them.”

“At that age, looks are everything.”

Yeoul giggled happily in Wooju’s arms.

Regular viewers of the show found themselves smiling too.

-Yeoul looks extra baby-like today, so cute ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

-Yeoul ㅠㅠㅠ Big sister’s crying from happiness ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

-But why is Jiho jealous

-ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ He looks like a cat staring at a newly adopted kitten

-Yeoul is so cute

Yeoul, usually known as the textbook example of a responsible eldest daughter, acted spoiled toward the “uncles,” making viewers smile warmly.

Then NewBlack’s interview segment played.

[Hello! We’re NewBlack!]

During the pre-show interview with the production staff, the reason NewBlack had been invited was revealed.

[We only found out after the producer contacted us too. Apparently Lullaby works incredibly well on babies.]

Viewers nodded in realization.

‘Right. I heard babies love that song.’

They remembered hearing that the song—written by Wooju while thinking about his mother as “a lullaby for Mom”—worked astonishingly well on children.

Parents watching the show nodded too.

‘My child falls asleep immediately whenever that song plays.’

And just as they were thinking that—

Children running around their homes while their parents watched TV suddenly froze.

“Supermarket Uncle!”

“Yes yes. It’s Supermarket Uncle.”

“Supermarket Uncle’s on TV again!”

“Yes yes.”

The parents casually brushed off the children’s excitement—

Then the scene changed to NewBlack grocery shopping, and viewers burst into laughter.

Because children shopping there with their parents suddenly all ran toward NewBlack at once.

[It’s Supermarket Uncle!]

[Mom! Mom! It’s Supermarket Uncle!]

Viewers across the nation exploded with laughter.

‘It wasn’t just our house?!’

They’d all thought only their families called them “Supermarket Uncle.”

-I thought only our house called them that??

-We call them Supermarket Uncles too ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-The entire nation shares one braincell ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-Seriously same. When my kids ask who they are, explaining is complicated so I just say Supermarket Uncles

-Technically correct ㅋㅋㅋ They’re always at the supermarket (O) They sell products (O)

-Market ㅋㅋㅋㅋ uncles

Then the short fan meeting with the children created more laughter.

The innocent children asked with sparkling eyes:

[Why do you live at the supermarket?]

[Why are snacks so expensive?!]

[Why aren’t you married?]

When asked why he wasn’t married, Wooju replied, “The supermarket said I’m not allowed,” sending viewers into hysterics.

Meanwhile, the NewBlack members carefully adjusted themselves to the children’s eye level.

[Actually... your uncles have another job besides being supermarket uncles.]

[!!]

[You’ll find out soon.]

Then scenes of NewBlack rampaging through the supermarket alongside the three siblings played.

Buying toys for the children and such.

-Wooju and Biju are seriously amazing with kids

-Isn’t Wooju an only child?? He totally feels like someone who grew up with younger siblings

-I heard Biju has a younger sibling? Apparently his brother said if his identity got revealed he’d stop seeing him ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-Cute ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Everyone admired how firm yet gentle they were while persuading the children to choose only one toy each—

Then Jiho appeared carrying baskets stuffed full of game cartridges.

And the older members silently stared at him.

[...]

[...]

The children looked at him like, Then what about that person?

The members promptly looked away, making viewers crack up.

-The mystery is solved

-“Wooju seems like someone with younger siblings” => he did have them

-He was experienced ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-He was already raising children this whole time ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-The babies’ judgmental expressions are too cute

After the toy episode ended and the show briefly shifted to another family—

The story returned to NewBlack entering the supermarket basement food section.

[Try this! Try this!]

[NewBlack! NewBlack! Over here...!]

The sample booth employees desperately called out to them.

Viewers burst into laughter at the sight, as though princes of the supermarket had descended.

And the children watching in front of the TV felt the same way.

‘Amazing!’

The Supermarket Uncles had truly descended into a real supermarket.

The once-flat 2D supermarket uncles from cardboard standees were now moving around in glorious 3D.

“Huuuhhh...!”

Then NewBlack began showing the siblings exactly what they’d promised—

their side as singers.

[It’s sooo delicious~]

While tasting food, they casually sang the chorus of with “woah-oh-oh~” vocals and proudly asked the children, “See?”

At the requests of surrounding shoppers, they even performed .

And every time they did, products in the supermarket sold out instantly while employees rushed to restock shelves.

“!!”

The Yeoul siblings inside the TV stared in awe at the overwhelming majesty of the Supermarket Uncles.

[Look at that. They really are Supermarket Uncles.]

[Supermarket Uncle...!]

The viewers burst into laughter and completely accepted the logic.

-No but if they sing and dance while instantly selling products out, how are they NOT supermarket uncles ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-“We’ll show you we’re more than supermarket uncles” -> immediately sells out products

-They are SO unbelievably supermarket uncles ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

-The store manager is probably applauding somewhere

-From the children’s POV) NewBlack travels with massive clouds of people and whenever they sing one line, products vanish from existence

-Why are people buying the japchae ingredients too ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Everyone laughed watching people buy the same ingredients Biju used while cooking japchae for the children.

Then viewers began screenshotting the shopping cart.

‘Gotta remember those ingredients.’

Netizens checked what brand of soy sauce he used, what company made the noodles, and smiled happily.

“Looks like Biju’s japchae is going viral again.”

“He’s really good at braised fish too. Kid’s so capable.”

Unlike the desperate chaos during the braised fish recipe incident, viewers now watched calmly.

‘The recipe will be uploaded anyway.’

‘They’ll tell us eventually.’

People watched with absolute trust—

Meanwhile, as the true identity of the Supermarket Uncles was fully revealed, the real-time ratings continued climbing.

Then the online communities started spreading word that the show was fun.

‘This is actually hilarious?’

Variety show fans began posting recommendations online.

[Seojun’s House is SO funny right now ㅠㅠ Everyone come watch!!]

But because everyone who planned to watch was already watching, the response on the forums remained weak.

People who weren’t interested simply ignored it.

‘Hmm...’

The variety fans pondered.

‘Should we make the posts more provocative?’

An online community’s trending board.

[NewBlack Wooju joins the ranks of sold-out men]

“!”

“!!”

Startled users immediately clicked the post.

A photo appeared of Wooju shopping at the supermarket.

[NewBlack Wooju joins the ranks of sold-out men]

Supermarket sold-out man ㅎㅎ

If you’re curious, go watch Seojun’s House right now~ㅎㅎㅎ

Amidst the countless rocks thrown at the poster—

The ratings shot up even higher.

The effect was incredible.