My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

I'm a cow.

No, I don't go moo, and no, I don't have the spots to back it, and neither do I think I'd even taste as good as one. But I eat grass… more so than the average human would in their entire lifetime.

And at the end of the day, that's really all that should matter, no?

Adalia had introduced me to a whole new world of fine dining and as luck would have it, this place was already an all-you-can-eat buffet. According to her, munching on grass was an occasional affair for the long-traveled traders and nomads of Kronocia to stave their hunger should supplies run low during a journey.

In my opinion though, I feel it should be an essential piece for both breakfast and lunch—dinner too, if you're feeling a bit daring. It's just that good.

I'm not sure how many strands of grass I've eaten at this point, but to be fair, it was rather hard to keep count when you're eating off of the fingertips of a generous vampire that just kept on topping off her palm with one clump after the other.

She'd pressed it to my lips and I'd snatch it away from her with a smack. And though I was the only one doing any of the eating, somehow, I got the sense she was deriving as much pleasure from feeding me as I was getting fed.

Time passed, and I didn't know how much, but Irene had returned, her arrival heralded by the rustling of bushes and the overpowering aroma of melted cheese… so it must have certainly been quite a while.

I didn't know exactly what she expected to come back to, though I don't think finding me lazing about in a seemingly freshly mowed meadow eating out of Adalia's hand would be a scenario any detective could possibly deduce.

"Taking a break, I see," Irene said, walking over and towering before us. From what I could see, just barely over the two pizza boxes stacked atop one another, she looked rather reproving of the fact. "So, Adalia, do you recall me adding a stipulation stating it's okay to play around so long as I'm not around? Because I don't."

"Not… playing…" Adalia said, lifting another blade of grass toward me. "Just… feeding…"

"This much?" She scoffed. "Why so much?

"Too many… questions…"

"What?"

"Have a bite, Teach," I interjected, taking the blade from Adalia, and offering it instead to Irene. "This is good, like so good. Tell me this is one of the things you're gonna teach me how to do somewhere down the line."

"It isn't."

"It isn't?" My hand fell limp, knuckles colliding against the hard soil. I gaped at her, feeling the deepest betrayal in my soul. "Why not? Give me a good reason why or I'm dropping out! No more lessons. No more me! You want that?"

"Because of this, precisely, I—" carefully she laid the pizza boxes to the side, freeing her hands so that she could rub away all the beauty on her face. "—no nutritional value, they barely nourish you, dangerously addictive and too much of it turns you into an idiot, you idiot."

"Yeah, but it's so good though!" I exclaimed, clutching my precious grass in my hands close in case she gets any funny ideas. "Okay, tell you what. You like to make deals, good deals, so how about you teach me how it works, and you get a kiss from me? For free. Yup, you heard me. Completely free!"

"And if I say no?" Irene inquired, raising a brow.

"You won't say no," I scoffed, chuckling, giggling at her adorable naivety. "Not to me. You love me. You want me. Therefore, you want my kisses. That's the deal. Take it or leave it."

"I see," Irene said. "Not interested."

"Hard to get!" I scoffed again, finger-wagging and everything. "Fine, you win. 500 kisses."

"No."

I clicked my tongue, disappointed. Very much so. I turned away from her, didn't even want to look at her. That's how disappointed I was.

"Have it your way," I huffed. "Worst Birthday ever, by the way."

Then to the side, I noticed Adalia cocking her head at me, her gaze astir with interest as she spoke, "How many… kisses… did you say…?"

There was a gust of wind. Strong. Sudden. Irene flicked a wrist, and just like that, every strand of grass Adalia had prepped and collected was sent soaring aloft into the vast blue of the sky, into the sea of trees overhead, and all right before my very eyes.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. But right before I could do either, Irene knelt down before me, and lightly placed her hand against the tumultuous beating of my heart. And within seconds, it slowed. I didn't feel like screaming or crying.

Rather, I just want to die. Jump off a building, close my eyes. So yeah, a vast improvement.

"Well?" Irene asked, withdrawing back. "Feeling better?"

I sighed. "That's not how I'd put it."

She smiled. "Well, I know what might fix that."

And without another word, she reached over and opened up one of the pizza boxes, grabbing a slice and plopping it into my hand.

"Eat," she ordered, taking another slice for herself, and shifting her legs to a more comfortable position for her to sit. "You're not the first person to turn into an idiot after eating too much grass, so just eat, okay?"

"I just tried to bargain with you with kisses."

"And I bargained your life for sex," she said nonchalantly, chomping into her pizza and pulling back a thin string of cheese with tiny nibbles. "Still think you're the bigger idiot?"

Didn't really know what to say to that, so I just quietly did as told and ate, biting into the tanginess of pepperoni and cheese, still piping hot and soft despite the long trek. Irene must have been keeping them warm while on the way.

Tempted by its allure, Adalia crept over and stabbed a slice, hanging it through a nail like a piece of kebab.

"You can eat pizza?" Irene asked, slightly incredulous. "I thought your nourishment only comes through consuming blood."

"Not nourishing… not filling…." she answered, slowly bringing her fangs to the sides. "...but it is… still… delicious…"

We stayed that way for a while. In an uneven circle of trimmed grass and blooming flowers. To my surprise, when unhampered by the threat of sleep and fatigue, Adalia sure can eat. Devouring more slices than the rest of us have even taken.

"So," Irene spoke up, eyes trained onto Adalia in that strict, scrutinizing manner of a police officer apprehending a culprit. "You got him drunk on magic on purpose, that part is plenty obvious. The only thing I want to know now is why. Care to explain?"

"No need," I said, recovering enough of my composure and speaking in Adalia's stead, my eyes on hers in a little sideways glance. "She was just trying to silence me. That's all there is to it. And it worked like a charm too. Clever."

"Silence you? Why?"

"Because I was getting too close to uncovering the truth."

I thought maybe Irene would flinch after hearing me say that. Realized right then that her big surprise for me was in danger of being exposed, and that I'd see that realization in her eyes, even if it's just for a sliver of a second.

But there was nothing there… only just another question.

"The truth about what?"

"That the real reason you brought Adalia all the way here was to help prepare for some mysterious surprise you have in store for me," I proclaimed, flicking my gaze between the both of them. "It only makes sense why everything feels so last-minute, makes sense why she wanted to distract me. So, go on—tell me I'm wrong."

The thing with Irene was that she's kind of a wildcard. At times easy to read, while in other instances, a closed book that's completely glued shut. It all depends on her mood, the subject at hand, and a million other factors really.

It comes down to a gamble to see what type of Irene I'll get here… but if she just cracks once, a tightened lip, a little stammer, if she just shows the slightest something… I'll know.

"You're wrong," Irene said, grabbing another slice from the box. "Half-wrong, anyway."

Okay, I wasn't expecting that.

"And what does that mean?" I asked.

"It's true, Adalia is here for more than just what I had her demonstrate for you," she explained. "But what I intended for her to do… that's the part you got wrong."

"So then," I glanced back at Adalia, as much at a loss staring at her blank expression as Irene's. "What is she here for? Why didn't she want to tell me?"

"Because I suppose she's feeling a little reluctant," Irene chomped on her slice, and when she next spoke, there was a hint of softness in her voice, as the both of them exchanged looks. "Then again, I would be too if I were you."

That had my head whirling about like a blizzard. Reluctant? Why? What was supposed to do to make her feel like that? What could it be? The only clue I had was that it had to do with me.

I looked into Irene's eyes… and right then, I saw it, that crack I was looking for, that closed book finally wide open… and immediately, instantly, I knew.

"In a moment," Irene said. "We're going to have Adalia take control of you."