Chapter 989: Strength in Submission
For some reason, I was calm.
Much too calm for the kind of news I was hearing, I would think. Maybe it just hadn't settled. Maybe I just didn't understand yet. Adalia taking control of me….
No, I knew exactly what that meant.
It's the 'why' factor I was only struggling to decipher.
"Do you remember the last time a vampire took control of you?" Irene said, laying out what I assumed to be the beginning thread of the thoughts and reasons that led to the birth of this… let's say interesting… idea of hers.
I still was unsure what to make of any of it yet, so I just went along with it for the time being.
"Yeah, kinda," I replied. "Details are very fuzzy though. I only remember waking up."
Actually, I remembered more than just waking up. I remember the white void I was in, that freefall weightless sensation of nothingness… the first time I ever encountered the twin Matriarchs. Both of them desperate, one on the verge of madness, the other despair…
It's not exactly the kind of memory one looks back on every now and then.
"That's how it usually goes," Irene said, wiping off the bread crumbs and powder from her attire. "Nobody remembers their time under a vampire's hold. They can feast upon their victim, return them to their homes unscathed, and they'll never be the wiser. Or, should they wish, they could perhaps enthrall a person of great influence and twist the authority they possess for their own malicious intent. Destabilize a province perhaps—a small township, have it be left deliberately unprotected for their nightly prowl."
Just smush a campfire between us, replace our pizza slices with some s'mores on a stick, and what she was telling would be the perfect tall tale to keep everyone awake throughout the night. I really can't fathom how Kronocians could ever possibly get a good night's sleep.
"And when it comes to direct confrontations, they are also capable of having their victims use their abilities against any would-be foes. So should a Magus or any individual of notable prowess come under a vampire's spell… well, I don't have to remind you just how much of a problem that could pose."
Another bad memory from a night brimming with far too many. Nothing but the best hypnotist that money can buy could ever make me forget the soulless look in Ash's eyes, the way she relentlessly gave chase to Ria and me through countless corridors of broken rubble and shattered glass.
But I'm over it now, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten about it… don't think I ever will.
"And in your case, you were used as bait… briefly you were under their control," Irene paused for a moment, her gaze momentarily lost within her own set of unforgettable reminders of that night. "I bet you don't even remember how much of a problem you were to me then, do you?"
There it was, the single lingering secret. Just what exactly happened in the brief period of time that I wasn't myself that night?
Irene had only lightly touched on the topic during the aftermath of the whole thing… that she couldn't get a rein on me and that I got loose. Her tattered uniform, her battered self, depicted exactly that. Other than that, I didn't hear any more about it… and to some extent, I had preferred it that way. No point dredging up a moment in time everyone would much rather forget.
"I didn't get to see who turned up back then. You Matriarchs were better than I anticipated." Irene turned to Adalia, who, on the surface, seemed to have tuned out of the whole conversation. "But given the condition you were in that night, I assume it had to be your sister who took the bait?
But she was here, aware, and listening to every word for how quickly she responded back to her.
"Yes…" she whispered, sounding much quieter than her already quiet self. "She smelled… the blood that was spilled… she said… it smelt perfect… for me…"
"And then she bit him," Irene said, recounting the next moment of the incident. "And what command did she give him? Do you know?"
"To follow… to find us… to not stop… for anything else…"
"There you have it," Irene turned back to me again. "You were bitten, told to follow, and when I got in your way, tried to intervene… you did not stop."
"And I used my powers on you," I finished, a hollow feeling manifesting in my stomach having reached such a harrowing end to the story. "What… just what did I do to you, exactly?"
Irene's eyes almost seemed closer to mine now for some reason, or maybe it was only because of how still she was.
"I attempted to dispel the trance. After all, the plan was to apprehend the Matriarch and have her lead us to the victims. You weren't supposed to be taken. But no matter what I tried, it had no effect on you. That wasn't Amelia's doing. That was you. You fought it off. You got fast. You got violent. I did what I could to get away from you, but I wasn't as fast… and you made your grand escape through a hole in the motel room you made by flinging me into the wall."
That hollowness inside me grew, expanding to the point I feared it might swallow me whole from within. Knowing that I had injured Irene like that, even if it wasn't exactly me that did it… there's just no helping that guilty, shitty feeling regardless.
"Quit that," Irene's expression immediately grew stern, a scowl changing in her gaze in response to the change in mine. "I didn't bring all this up so you can mope about it. There's nothing for you to mope about and I know you know that—so quit it."
"Right…" I muttered, trying to comply by hastily shifting my thoughts to something else, anything at all, in an attempt to distract myself. "Hold on, if I was under Amelia's control… who broke me out? I remembered waking up, and I was myself again."
"You… don't remember…?" Adalia said, the swirl of her misty eyes veering to me, evoking that memory again: of that white void where we first met. "When you… arrived… I sensed… you… something… familiar… even in my state… I knew there was something… about you… Terestra…"
The first word I ever heard her speak. Like a chant. Like a trance. So utterly delirious and making little sense. Yet even then, it seemed she was aware enough to know I wasn't anything normal.
"I broke… sister's control…" she continued. "But… she sensed what I was doing… came to us… tried to… interrupt…"
I remembered all that happening much too vividly. So that's what that void was. Adalia's dispelling at work, up until Amelia arrived… only much too late. I woke up, brushing grime and glass from my clothes and the rest was history.
"So you knew that I was special in some way…" I said, conjuring up another thought. Something that's never crossed my mind up until just now. My eyes found Irene's again, just as sharp, as perceptive as Adalia's. "Did you know too? When we first met? Did you sense anything in me?"
"I did," Irene nodded. "The very moment I knocked on your apartment door."
I blinked a couple of times, her bluntness baffling me for a brief moment. "And you didn't say anything?"
"Because you didn't," she replied. "I knew you had a magical presence, ability—but did you know? I didn't know what you were yet. Like me? Were you a Kronocian refugee? If so, why didn't you say anything when I revealed myself to you? Maybe you were a descendant of a refugee and they kept that from you; have you live a normal life. I thought you might be able to continue living that after all was said and done. Of course, things changed rather quickly after you were taken."
"A normal life," despite the somber air, I couldn't help but smile at that. "Yeah, if only, right? Just imagine how good I could have had it if I hadn't met any of you."
"A dream that would've been," Irene played right along, shaking her head at me. "Sadly, you're stuck with all of us now. For as long as it'll last at that."
I let out a sigh. "How unlucky."
The levity didn't last long, however. It left, just as quickly, just as flimsily with a passing gust of wind.
"So, the reason you brought this all up," I finally said, stating the obvious that was in all our minds. "The reason you want Adalia to take control of me… you want her to order me to use my magic?"
"Think to back then—all your life you thought you were just an ordinary person. And yet, despite not knowing a thing about magic, you were able to do what you did. Why is that?"
Irene answered her own question with her next breath.
"Under control, you are nothing but a subservient vessel of instinct and compulsion. Magic is ingrained in that instinct even if you don't know it. And consciously, what impedes you from your true innate potential is yourself as an individual. Your inherent nature relies upon your drive for destruction and hate. But you aren't that. As much as you try to be, you're just not. And I don't think you want to be."
"Too good for my own good…" I remarked.
"Never a bad thing, alright?" she assured. "And with time, practice—you'll get accustomed to it; get to an equilibrium where you may use your abilities without having to give in too much. But for now, if we were to temporarily strip away your individuality, take away everything from but your instinct and nature… do you see where I'm going with this?"
As a matter of fact, I did. And if we go with what she's suggesting then I might just get exactly what I wanted. All that impatience, that stubbornness, the endless trial-and-error, I could just simply override all that. Except…
"What's the catch?" I asked.
"No catch," Irene shrugged. "It's just… if you want to do this… if you're alright with conceding your free will for a while… then you'll—we'll finally get to see how strong you really can be."
If I say yes, I'm the one that's gonna be turned into a mindless husk, and yet somehow, I'm still the last person on my mind that I was truly concerned about.
"And how about you, Adalia?" I turned to my left, to the one I felt really mattered here in this decision. "I assume you're probably alright with it since you're here… but…"
"I do not want… to control you…" she whispered. "I… love you… so… I do not want… to…."
And to think, just a while ago, I was accusing her of being involved with some frivolous conspiracy. I don't think I could be any more far off from the actual truth of the matter.
"It is… demeaning… cruel… I do not want… to see you so… empty…"
"It's only for a few minutes, Adalia," Irene stepped in. "You're not going to keep him like that forever."
"It... feels like... killing..." Adalia lifted her gaze toward her. "Could you… kill him…?"
Irene fell silent at that.
"But… I will…" Slowly, her eyes drifted back to me. No reluctance, no unease. But also no joy, no delight. As always, she showed nothing… and also everything. "If you ask me… I will… for you… I will…"
If it weren't for that same impatience, that same stubbornness, I'd probably say no. I should say no. I've already proven I can be stronger, and with time, I will be… so what else do I need?
Except I knew the answer to that too.
Assurance. Always assurance. Because maybe I am strong, I don't know.
But this way, I'll know.
Before I knew it, I was reaching for her hand. I could feel the cold of her skin as I squeezed, and the sharpness of her nails as she gently squeezed back. Trust. That's what I had in her. Why the tip of her claws could press right onto my skin and flesh and I'll never flinch. I know she will never hurt me.
"Do it, Adalia."