Chapter 220: Going back

220

Noah’s POV

Throwback: (Thirteen-year-old Noah)

"Noah" a boy’s voice calls and I look up from the book on Omega Heritage right in front of me.

It’s the usual twenty-minute break time, but because Mom wants me to be the best in representing the Goldsmith pride, I’m hiding in a corner and studying.

"Has anyone seen Noah Goldsmith?" a girl asks.

"Huh?" I ask, hiding my hands behind my back to protect myself. I’m almost fourteen but I still chew on my fingernails when I get nervous. I hope they don’t see it...I really don’t want to be hit with a ruler again.

"There he is" someone says and they all come in my direction. Always the most social child, I smile at them. I usually hate coming to the temple because I have to be the best at everything. While I need to pass every test just to make mom and dad proud, no one wants to be friends with a know-it-all.

"Hi, guys" I say happily to the first group of people to approach me for the past two weeks.

"Do you want to hang with us in the other room?" the boy leading the group asks and I nod enthusiastically.

I push my textbook aside and get up. My textbooks will be here when I’m back. After all, I can always go through them later and it can’t be helped that I like people more than I like books anyways.

"Come on!" one of the girls in the group says with a grin. Together, we go into the other room, a room where most artifacts are kept.

As soon as we step in, I see the shards of glazed ceramic scattered all across the floor. I move back carefully to keep my feet safe. One of the vases has been broken and it’s the one donated by my dad.

"Oh. I think someone broke a vase" I point it out and one of the kids snicker.

"What do you think, oh righteous golden boy?" the boy who led them to me asks.

"What do you mean? A vase is broken and we have to tell Freya" I say. My voice grows smaller as I look at their faces. They look like that painting where a sheep gets bitten by different wolves.

"I told you he’s the easiest thing to use. Watch him tell Freya about the vase and it magically gets fixed" the girl who spoke earlier says and I feel my heart crack. I just wanted friends.

"You guys didn’t want to hang out with me?" I whisper the question and they look at each other like my question is too hard to decipher. The answer is clear. They made a mess and they need me to clean it up.

"Oh..." I say.

Mom uses me too. When she attends those events with the people who like to buy plenty of expensive things, they always say I’m pretty and she likes it.

"Oh" I whisper one more time.

"Is he going to cry?"

"I told you to leave him alone. He’s a big baby" someone laughs. "I’m not crying" I lie, wiping my tears off with the back of my hand.

Present:

Walking back to my room feels like doing a walk of shame.

The man who married me thinks I’m a thing, he thinks I’m easy to use, and he knows I can’t run from him with a baby in my belly. I already know he sees me as an object, and I understand, but this...I can’t swallow this down.

I crawl into the bed and though I try, I can’t force myself to go to sleep. A crack is forming in my heart. A million thoughts are bouncing around in my head. They wanted Winslow all along and I’m the key to it.

It doesn’t take long before Elias returns to our room. The alpha shuts the door behind himself and when he finds me sitting in the middle of the bed, his dark eyes move over my body slowly. We stare at each other in silence before the corner of his lips lifts in a teasing smile.

"What’s wrong, bro?" he jokes and I don’t laugh.

I can’t laugh.

All I’m hearing in his voice are the words he said when he was reducing me to a gullible tool in front of his family.

"Do you feel sick?" he asks when he realizes I’m not returning the playful energy, and I shake my head.

"Hungry?"

"No" I whisper. The smile drops off his face, and he looks at me with that grim reaper expression I’m accustomed to. Dear Goddess, I love him. Why do the ones I love always break my heart? Freya, my mom, now him...

"Elias, can you kiss me and tell me you love me?" I say and he doesn’t move from the door. His eyes stay fixed on my face like he’s seeing through my face into my soul; like he’s exposing me for himself.

"What happened while I was gone, Angel?" he asks.

"Nothing" I say quietly.

"Don’t bullshit me. You have done a lot of things, but you’ve never asked me to do this to you" he says and I break our eye contact. ’My head, Elias, something in my head is telling me that being used is all I’m good for’ I want to say, but I don’t say it.

"Can you take me on a ride?" I ask and he shoves his hands into his pocket, still studying me.

"I don’t drive, Angel. Someone has to take us" he says and I nod. I get out of bed and go to the wardrobe to pick a hoodie. Something pink, something mine.

"I’m okay with someone taking us" I say and his jaw ticks. He’s still trying to figure me out. My vision is blurry, but I don’t look at him as I make my way out of the room.

He grabs my arm before I make my way out of the door and I yank it out of his grip.

"What is wrong with you, you were bright before you fell asleep" he says. The annoyance is clear in his tone and I growl protectively.

"Maybe I don’t want to pretend to be happy just for you anymore" I bite out and brush past him. Thirty minutes later, we’re in the car Taesan let us use. I stand through the sunroof, singing to 505 by Arctic Monkeys. And as the wind blows, tears stream down my face.

I sing at the top of my lungs as the driver speeds down the road.

Will I ever be good enough to be wanted just for being myself?