Chapter 187 - 0187: I Need Space To Think

Chapter 187: Chapter 0187: I Need Space To Think

Elena’s Point of View

The water ran over my fingers, cold and relentless, as I scrubbed the last plate clean. The kitchenette was far too quiet, filled with the kind of heavy, suffocating silence that pressed directly against my skin and made my pulse thrum frantically in my ears.

Every clink of ceramic against the sink felt amplified, a small violence against the stillness that had settled over the penthouse since dawn.

The scent of him lingered in the air, thick with cedar, leather, and dark spice, clinging to every surface, every breath I took. My body still hummed from his touch. My lips still tingled from the fierce, possessive ghost of his kiss, and my skin still burned where his large, calloused fingers had traced fire across my waist. I hated how much I craved the memory of it, how my traitorous mind kept replaying the low rumble of his voice against my ear.

I turned off the faucet, my hands trembling as I set the plate down.

Why am I still here?

The question clawed at me, sharp, persistent, and entirely unwelcome. I leaned forward against the counter, my palms gripping the cool marble as I stared down at my reflection in the dark, polished surface of the microwave. My cheeks were flushed a brilliant crimson, my eyes bright with something dangerous that I didn’t dare name out loud.

My hair was a complete mess, my lips were noticeably swollen from his kisses, and my entire body ached in ways I stubbornly refused to acknowledge. I barely recognized the woman staring back at me... someone softer, someone undone.

Why do I stay?

Is it pure relief? Is it just the overwhelming safety of his arms, the way he makes me feel like I can finally breathe for the first time in six terrifying years? Or is it something deeper, something far darker, something that terrifies me more than Graham Sinclair ever did? Perhaps it was the way Jaxx looked at me, as though I were something precious rather than something to be controlled... a distinction I wasn’t sure I trusted myself to recognize anymore.

I didn’t know the answer, and that uncertainty was the real problem.

I couldn’t stay here. I simply couldn’t. Because whatever this was between us, whatever intoxicating shelter he was offering me, it was too much. It was too intense, too overwhelming, and entirely too dangerous. My heart, bruised and wary from years of captivity, wasn’t equipped to survive another consuming force, however gentle its hands might be.

Jaxx Moretti wasn’t just a man you could love casually. He was a storm. A wildfire. An unstoppable force of nature that left total destruction and wild desire in his wake. And if I stayed in his orbit any longer, I was going to drown completely, losing whatever fragile sense of self I had only just begun to rebuild.

I dried my hands on a crisp white towel, my movements slow, deliberate, and methodical, each motion an anchor against the storm rising in my chest. I took a deep, shaky breath, steeling my spine as I forced myself to walk out of the kitchen.

I have to leave before I lose myself completely.

I found him exactly where I had left him in the main living area. He was sitting on the plush leather couch, his laptop balanced effortlessly on his thighs, his dark eyes fixed intently on the screen as his fingers flew over the keyboard. The morning sunlight spilled over his broad shoulders, casting him in a warm, golden glow, highlighting the sharp, unforgiving angles of his jaw and the dark stubble shadowing his cheeks.

His crisp white shirt was still unbuttoned at the collar, the sleeves rolled up to his forearms to reveal corded muscle and the dark ink of his syndicate tattoos. He looked, in that unguarded moment, less like the feared head of an empire and more like a man simply existing in the quiet of his own home, and somehow that made him more dangerous to my resolve, not less.

He looked up the second my feet crossed the threshold, his dark, golden-flecked eyes locking instantly onto mine. My breath hitched in my throat, my heart doing a violent flip against my ribs.

"I’ll be leaving, Jaxx," I said.

The words tasted like bitter ash on my tongue.

His fingers stilled over the keyboard immediately. His intense gaze didn’t waver for even a fraction of a second, but he didn’t say a word. He just sat there, towering even while seated, watching me with an unreadable expression that made my resolve wobble dangerously.

I took his silence as my cue to keep talking before my courage completely deserted me.

"I have to go," I insisted, forcing my voice to sound completely steady, completely rational, even as my internal world felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. "I can’t stay here in this penthouse with you. It isn’t right, and it isn’t safe for my head."

"Is that so?" Jaxx asked softly, his voice a low, gravelly rumble that vibrated through the quiet room. He slowly shut his laptop with a quiet, definitive click, setting it aside on the coffee table. He leaned back against the cushions, stretching his long arms along the top of the sofa, his dark eyes tracking my every breath. "And where exactly do you think you’re going, Elena?"

"I have my own apartment," I answered, crossing my arms tightly over my chest like a shield. "I bought a place two years ago. Nobody knows about it. Not Graham, not his men, nobody. I can go there and figure out my life."

Jaxx stared at me for a long, heavy moment before a dark, humorless chuckle escaped his lips. "You think you can just walk out that door, drive across town, and start making tea while Graham Sinclair has half the city searching for his missing prize?"

"I am not his prize!" I snapped, my eyes flashing with instant heat. "And I am not yours either! I am a human being, Jaxx, and I need space. I need time to think, to breathe, to process the absolute insanity of the last twenty-four hours!"

"You had space for six years, Bambina," he said, his tone dropping an octave, turning rough, velvety, and dangerously intense. "And look where that got you. Locked in a study with split knuckles and a broken spirit."

"That wasn’t my fault and you know it!" I shot back, stepping closer to the couch despite myself. "I fought my way out of that house! I survived! But jumping straight from Graham’s cage into your golden cage isn’t freedom, Jaxx. It’s just switching masters!"

Jaxx went completely still at those words. The air in the room instantly chilled, his jaw clenching so hard the muscle ticked violently beneath his tan skin.

"A cage?" he repeated, his voice dropping into a deadly whisper as he slowly stood up, rising to his full, imposing height. "You think my protection is a cage? You think holding you against my chest while you slept last night was me trying to master you?"

"You’re overwhelming, Jaxx!" I cried out, my voice cracking under the emotional weight pressing down on my chest. "You kiss me like you own me! You look at me like you’re going to consume me whole! You order your men around, you replace my clothes, you demand to know every single thought in my head! How am I supposed to breathe when you take up all the air in the room?"

He took a slow, deliberate step toward me, his dark eyes burning with an unholy fire. "I take up the air because I’m trying to keep you alive, Elena! Do you have any idea what I felt when Roman told me Graham had locked you away? Do you have any concept of the bloodbath I was ready to unleash on this city if you had been severely hurt?"

"I know!" I shouted, tears stinging the backs of my eyes as I looked up into his fierce, beautiful face. "I know how far you’d go, and that’s what frightens me! You’re a Moretti, Jaxx! You rule an empire of shadows and violence! I can’t just slide seamlessly into your dark world after spending six years trying to survive another man’s dark world!"

Jaxx stopped right in front of me, inches away. The sheer heat radiating off his body was overwhelming, wrapping around me like a heavy blanket.

"I am not Graham," he growled softly, reaching out to gently, agonizingly capture my chin in his calloused hand, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Never compare me to that pathetic excuse for a man."

My throat locked up completely. The raw, unfiltered honesty in his voice hit me like a physical blow, making my heart hammer violently against my ribs. For one dizzying second, I nearly believed I could stay forever inside the fortress of his arms and never look back.

"Jaxx..." I whispered, my strength wavering, my hand rising to cover his where it held my chin. "Please... understand me. If I don’t leave right now, if I don’t stand on my own two feet for even a little while, I will lose whatever is left of who I am. I will just become dependent on you, and I can’t live like that."

Jaxx searched my eyes for what felt like an eternity. He saw the desperate, pleading truth written across my face, the sheer need for autonomy after years of being controlled. Something shifted behind his gaze... resignation, perhaps, or the quiet ache of a man forced to choose love over possession.

Slowly, reluctantly, his hand slipped away from my chin.

He didn’t yell. He didn’t fight me. He didn’t lock the doors or order his guard to stand outside the suite.

Instead, he turned and walked across the room toward a sleek wooden desk. He pulled open a drawer with a smooth, quiet slide, his fingers brushing over the contents before closing around a small, metallic object.

He turned back to face me, holding out a sleek black car key.

"Here," he said quietly.

I stared at the key, then looked up at his unreadable face. "My car?" I asked, my voice barely carrying across the space. "I left it at the hall’s garage two nights ago when I left the party in tears."

"I sent my men to retrieve it yesterday," Jaxx said, his gaze fixed on mine with intense concentration. "It’s parked downstairs in the private basement garage. Your suitcases have already been transferred to the trunk."

I took a hesitant step forward and reached out, taking the key from his palm. Our fingers brushed briefly, sending an immediate jolt of electricity straight up my arm - a small, cruel reminder of everything I was about to walk away from.

"Thank you," I managed to say, my throat tight, my voice thick with unshed tears. "For... for everything, Jaxx. For saving me."

He didn’t smile. He didn’t smirk. He just stood there, towering, powerful, and utterly heartbreaking in his quiet dignity.

"Drive safe, Bambina," he said softly.

I grabbed my purse from the side table. I grabbed my phone. I turned toward the grand double doors of the penthouse, forcing my legs to move forward step by step. I knew that if I turned around and looked at him again, if I saw those dark eyes watching me with that fierce devotion, I would drop my bag and run straight back into his arms.

I reached the doorway, my hand hovering over the sleek handle.

"Elena."

His voice was low, rough, and echoed through the spacious living room. I froze in place, my heart stopping in my chest. But I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t risk it.

"If you ever need me..." he said, his tone carrying an absolute, unshakeable promise that crackled through the air between us. "If you simply decide you’re tired of being alone... you know where to find me."

I swallowed hard, nodding once, a sharp, quick gesture.

"I know," I whispered into the quiet room.

And then I pulled the door open and walked out.