Chapter 188 - 0188: I Refuse To Let Myself Get Hurt Twice

Chapter 188: Chapter 0188: I Refuse To Let Myself Get Hurt Twice

Elena’s Point Of View

The private elevator doors slid shut behind me with a soft hiss, sealing me inside the mirrored car. I slumped back against the polished wall, letting out a long, ragged gasp as the tears I had been holding back finally spilled over my lashes.

My fingers clutched the car key so tightly the metal dug painfully into my palm. My reflection in the mirrored panel looked like a stranger... hollow-eyed, trembling, and utterly unconvinced by her own performance of strength.

It’s better like this, I told myself repeatedly as the elevator descended. It’s clean. It’s simple. No dramatic goodbyes, no tearful arguments, no impossible promises, no beautiful lies.

Because the terrifying truth was that I didn’t think my heart could handle any of it.

The underground garage was dim, the cool fluorescent lights casting a sterile, industrial glow over the long rows of high-end luxury vehicles. My heels clicked against the smooth concrete as I walked toward my sleek black sedan, the rhythmic sound echoing like a steady countdown to my escape.

One of Jaxx’s senior security guards, a broad-shouldered man in a tailored black suit, was standing beside my car. He bowed his head respectfully as I approached.

"Ms. Elena," he said politely, holding the driver’s side door open for me. "Mr. Moretti requested that I ensure your vehicle was fully inspected and fueled before your departure. Your luggage is safely secured in the trunk."

"Thank you," I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper as I offered him a tight, appreciative smile.

"Of course, ma’am. Have a safe drive."

I slid into the driver’s seat, the fine leather creaking softly beneath my weight. The familiar scent of my car... vanilla, sweet amber, and leather instantly greeted me, wrapping around my senses like a comforting hug from a past life. I gripped the leather-wrapped steering wheel, my knuckles turning white as I pressed the start button. The engine purred to life with a low, satisfying roar.

I didn’t look in the rearview mirror. I couldn’t bring myself to search for the penthouse windows as I pulled out of the garage and onto the bustling city streets.

The morning traffic blurred past my windows... a vibrant kaleidoscope of steel, glass, towering skyscrapers, and busy pedestrians. The bright morning sun was harsh and unrelenting, casting long, dramatic shadows across the pavement as I drove.

I operated on complete autopilot, my hands steering the car effortlessly while my mind remained trapped in a turbulent storm of memories, of burning touches, of possessive whispers, and of words left unspoken.

Why did I leave?

The question gnawed mercilessly at my soul. Was it genuine fear? Was it stubborn pride? Was it a basic need for self-preservation? Or was it something far deeper, a terrifying realization that I was already falling completely, irretrievably in love with Jaxx Moretti?

The thought alone sent a fresh wave of panic rushing through my chest, tightening around my ribs like a fist.

I exhaled long and slow, relaxing my grip on the steering wheel slightly.

It doesn’t matter now, I reasoned silently. Because I had to leave. I had to prove to myself that I could walk away before I forgot how to stand on my own.

My target building loomed ahead - a sleek, modern high-rise of dark glass and polished chrome situated in a quiet, upscale neighborhood. I had purchased this condominium two years ago in complete secrecy, using a shell company and money I had quietly set aside from my mother’s estate. It had been my ultimate contingency plan, a secret haven to run to if Graham’s charming facade ever completely disintegrated into unmanageable violence.

I remembered signing the paperwork with trembling hands back then, terrified even at the thought of Graham discovering my quiet act of rebellion.

And now, here I was, finally using it.

I parked the sedan in the designated visitor space out front, letting the engine idle for a moment too long. The engine ticked softly as it began to cool, the subtle sound echoing in the quiet street. I stared up at the pristine windows reflecting the brilliant blue sky, staring at the front entrance that led to a quiet, independent life I had hoped I would never actually have to live alone.

Fairytales don’t exist, Elena, I reminded myself sternly. And you most certainly aren’t Cinderella waiting for a prince in a tailored suit.

I grabbed my designer purse, slung it over my shoulder, and popped the trunk. My two large leather suitcases sat side by side in the dim trunk space, quiet and accusatory, their physical presence serving as a stark reminder of everything I was running away from - and everything I was leaving behind.

I dragged them out one by one, the small wheels rattling sharply against the paved walkway. The building’s elderly doorman, a kind-faced man named Henry who had worked there for decades, smiled warmly and held the glass double doors open for me as I approached.

"Welcome back, Ms. Elena," Henry said, his voice bright and welcoming. "It has been quite a while since we’ve seen you here. Do you need any assistance with those bags?"

I forced a polite, pleasant smile onto my face, shaking my head softly. "No thank you, Henry. I can manage them just fine. It’s good to see you."

"Good to see you as well, ma’am. Have a wonderful day."

The elevator ride up to the twelfth floor was agonizingly quiet, agonizingly empty. I stood staring at my reflection in the polished brass doors, taking in the faint dark circles under my eyes and the undeniable way my lips still looked slightly swollen from Jaxx’s relentless kisses.

Stop it, I commanded myself fiercely in my head. Stop thinking about him this very second.

I reached my door at the end of the long, carpeted hallway. I slipped my key into the lock, turning it with a soft, metallic click, and pushed the heavy door open.

My space.

The apartment was exactly as I had left it six months ago when I last dropped by to inspect it. It was pristine, untouched, and utterly quiet... a peaceful sanctuary of a life I had never fully inhabited. The air smelled faintly of fresh lemon cleaner and faint dust, indicative of a space that had been closed up for a little too long. I reached out and flicked on the wall switch, the overhead recessed lighting illuminating the wide, open-concept living room.

I stepped inside, my heels clicking sharply on the dark hardwood floors.

There was no Graham here. No controlling demands, no locked doors, no terrifying outbursts. But there was also no Jaxx. No rich, gravelly voice teasing me, no fierce protection, no warm arms wrapping around my waist to pull me into his chest. Just me, standing alone in the middle of a beautiful, empty room, and the silence felt heavier than I had ever anticipated.

I hauled my heavy suitcases up the short flight of stairs into the master bedroom, my arm muscles aching with the physical effort. The bedroom was bathed in glorious, warm sunlight streaming through the expansive floor-to-ceiling windows, painting the soft cream walls in gorgeous hues of amber and rose. I set the suitcases down beside the bed with a loud, heavy thud that sounded entirely too loud in the overwhelming silence of the apartment.

I walked straight to the large window and unlatched it, pushing it open wide.

The crisp morning air rushed into the room, cool and refreshing, carrying with it the distant, vibrant hum of the city below... traffic, distant sirens, the aroma of roasted coffee beans from the street-level cafes, and the unmistakable energy of a world in motion. I leaned my hands heavily against the wooden sill, closing my eyes as I let the breeze wash over my heated face, willing it to carry away the ache still lodged deep in my chest.

It was ten o’clock in the morning. The world outside was moving forward, entirely indifferent to my personal trauma. And I needed to move forward too.

I turned back toward the room, my internal resolve hardening like steel.

No more spiraling. No more daydreaming about dark eyes and possessive whispers. No more letting myself get swept away in Jaxx Moretti’s chaotic storm, only to end up completely shattered when the weather cleared.

It had been wonderful while it lasted... the brief, thrilling illusion of his total devotion. The way he looked at me like I was the only girl in the entire universe worth protecting. The way his large, calloused hands felt against my skin - rough, possessive, and intoxicatingly real.

The way he made me feel like an actual living, breathing woman instead of a fragile ghost hiding in a dark house. Some traitorous part of me already missed it, ached for it, the way one might ache for warmth after stepping out into the cold.

But I can’t trust it, I thought bitterly as I unzipped the first suitcase. I can’t afford to trust him.

Because what if it was all just a grand, sophisticated game to him? What if I was just a prized trophy he wanted to reclaim from Graham Sinclair to satisfy a long-standing Moretti rivalry? What if I was just a pawn in an underground war for territory and pride? I refused to be made a fool of again. Not after everything I had survived.

I unpacked methodically, taking my time to smooth out every wrinkle in my clothes, neatly folding my sweaters, placing my delicate items in the dresser drawers, and hanging my dresses in the wide walk-in closet. Every single movement was deliberate, a conscious effort to keep my mind occupied and distract myself from the dangerous thoughts threatening to consume me.

What if he was sincere? a small, treacherous voice whispered in the back of my mind as I smoothed down a silk blouse. What if he wasn’t playing a game? What if you just walked away from the one man who actually wants you enough to burn the world down for you?

I shook my head violently, shutting the closet door with a sharp snap.

"No," I said aloud into the empty room, my voice firm. "I won’t let myself hope. Hoping leads to wanting. Wanting leads to needing. And needing someone gives them the power to destroy you."

I sat down heavily on the edge of the large, pristine bed, my hands clenching tightly into fists in my lap. Jaxx Moretti was a storm, and storms destroyed everything in their path eventually. I had already been broken once by a man I trusted. I had already given my heart away to someone who shattered it without a single second thought.

I refused to let myself be destroyed a second time.

Not even by Jaxx.