Chapter 450: I’m So Tired

But Lilith couldn’t stop.

All the pressure. All the fear. All the grief and guilt and overwhelming responsibility pressing down on her.

It was too much.

She couldn’t carry it anymore.

"I didn’t ask for this!" Lilith screamed. "I didn’t ask to be resurrected! I didn’t ask for this power! I didn’t ask to owe Thalia a debt I never agreed to! I didn’t ask to be valuable to every faction in the supernatural world! I just wanted...I just wanted to live! To be with the people I love! To have choices about my own life! But I don’t get that! Because everyone....EVERYONE....wants something from me!"

Furniture exploded. The fireplace cracked. Parts of the ceiling started to crumble.

Sebastian and Lucian both moved toward her but the magic pushed them back. A barrier of dual forces keeping them at bay.

"I’m so tired," Lilith sobbed. "I’m so tired of being strong. Of being brave. Of pretending I can handle this. I can’t handle this. It’s too much. All of it. Nicholas is dead. Aunt Victoria is dying. Thalia is coming. The supernatural world wants to use me or kill me. My own family is divided over whether I should live or die. And you two...."

She looked at Sebastian and Lucian.

"You two keep trying to protect me by taking away my choices. By deciding what’s best for me without asking what I want. And I know....I know you’re doing it because you love me. Because you’re terrified of losing me. But Sebastian, Lucian....you’re making me feel like a prisoner in my own life."

"We don’t mean to..." Sebastian started.

"I know you don’t mean to!" Lilith interrupted. "That’s what makes it worse! You’re not trying to hurt me! You’re trying to save me! But you’re suffocating me in the process and I don’t know how to make you stop without pushing you away and I don’t want to push you away because I love you and I need you but I also need to breathe!"

The magic surged higher. The entire library groaning under the pressure.

Elena stepped forward carefully. "Lilith. You need to pull the power back. You’re going to bring the ceiling down."

"I can’t!" Lilith gasped. "I don’t know how! It’s too much! I can’t control it!"

"Yes you can," Elena said firmly. "You’ve done it before. In training. You can do it now. Just breathe. Focus on my voice. And pull the magic back slowly."

Lilith tried. Desperately tried to grab hold of the surging power and rein it in.

But it was like trying to hold water in her bare hands. The harder she gripped, the more it slipped away.

"I can’t," Lilith sobbed. "I can’t do this. I can’t...."

Cool hands touched her shoulders.

Not Elena’s. Not Victoria’s. Not anyone physically present in the room.

Phantom touch. Familiar. Grounding.

!Breathe," Nicholas’s voice echoed in her mind. "Just breathe. I’ve got you."

The invisible hands moved down her arms. Steadying her. Supporting her.

And somehow....impossibly....

Lilith felt the magic respond.

Not to her control. To his.

The dual forces calmed. Retreating back into her core. The destruction stopping as suddenly as it had started.

Lilith collapsed.

Sebastian caught her before she hit the floor.

"I’ve got you," Sebastian said. "I’ve got you."

But Lilith pushed him away. Gently but firmly.

"I need space," Lilith said. Her voice was hoarse from screaming. "From both of you. I need....I need to think. I need to be alone for a while."

"Lilith...." Lucian started.

"Please," Lilith said. "Just.....give me space. I can’t process everything with you two hovering. I just need a few hours alone."

Sebastian and Lucian exchanged looks. Neither of them happy about it.

But they also knew pushing would only make things worse.

"Okay," Sebastian said quietly. "But Lilith....we’re not trying to control you. We’re just....we’re scared. And we don’t know how to protect you without...."

"I know," Lilith interrupted. "I know. And we’ll figure it out. But not right now. Right now I just need space."

She stood on shaking legs and walked out of the destroyed library.

Behind her, she heard Victoria say quietly, "Let her go. She needs time to process."

***

Lilith moved through the estate corridors without a destination. Just walking. Trying to breathe through the overwhelming emotions.

She passed pack members who stared at her with concern. Probably felt the magical explosion. Probably wondering if their future Luna was having a breakdown.

They weren’t wrong.

Lilith kept walking until she found herself outside. In the cold evening air. The sun was setting, painting the sky in shades of orange and red.

And her feet carried her, without conscious decision....to the eastern edge of the estate grounds.

To Nicholas’s memorial cairn.

The stones stood silent and solid. A marker for someone who no longer existed except in memory.

Lilith sank to her knees in front of it and started crying.

Not the explosive sobbing from earlier. Just quiet tears streaming down her face.

"I don’t know how to do this," Lilith whispered to the cairn. To Nicholas. To whoever might be listening. "I don’t know how to be strong enough for everyone. How to make the right choices when every option seems wrong. How to let Sebastian and Lucian protect me without losing myself in the process."

The wind rustled through the trees. Cold. Carrying the scent of pine and frost.

And then.....

Arms wrapped around her from behind.

Invisible. Cool. But undeniably there.

Lilith gasped and leaned back into the phantom embrace.

"Nicholas?" she whispered.

"I’m here," his voice echoed. Not spoken aloud. Just....felt. Through the broken bond. Through whatever connection still existed between them.

"How?" Lilith asked. "How are you here?"

"I never left," Nicholas said. "The bonds. They’re stronger than death. Stronger than the entity that consumed me. Some part of me survived in the connection we share. And I’m using it to reach you. To help you. To remind you that you’re not alone."

"It feels like I am," Lilith sobbed. "It feels like I’m carrying the weight of the entire world and I don’t know how to set it down."

"You don’t have to carry it alone," Nicholas said. "Sebastian and Lucian are trying to help. They’re just...they’re grieving too. And fear makes people controlling. Makes them try to protect the things they love by limiting exposure to danger."

"But they’re suffocating me," Lilith said.