Chapter 29: Training

Marrow's order came down two days after the analyst's session, routed through Ferro rather than Dray this time. Before Ashfall-Zero deployed on anything built to break him, command wanted to know what he could actually do on purpose, under control, more than once. Drilling, the same as anyone else on the roster.

The range they gave him for it sat well back from the wire, cordoned off with a single strand of tape and a runner posted to keep anyone from wandering into it by accident. Ferro walked him out the first morning and left him there with the same field sergeant who'd run his Calibration assessment back before the push, mismatched gauges and all, except this time she had proper equipment, a second technician, and orders that had her name on them for the first time since he'd met her.

"Sergeant Reyes," she said, by way of introduction, as though she'd decided a working relationship this long overdue a name. "Ferro tells me you did something impressive. I'm here to find out if you can do it again on command, and how much it costs you when you do."

It cost me something the first time. I don't know how to measure it.

"Then we'll measure it together." She nodded at a line of scrap-metal targets set up downrange, each one tagged with a number. "Smallest one first. I want output, not destruction."

* * *

The first attempt took most of the morning just to happen. Ashfall-Zero had reached for Calibration deliberately only once before, on the shelf, with Wren's life on the line and no time to think about how. The crest hadn't been a reach at all. Reaching for it deliberately, in daylight, with two people watching and nothing at stake but a scrap-metal target, turned out to be a different kind of difficult. The reflex that had answered instantly on the ridge simply wasn't there to grab.

Reyes didn't rush him. She talked him through breath, stance, the same drills she'd use on a soldier learning to control a flinch, adjusting each time he came back empty-handed with a small correction rather than a note of impatience.

"Breath first," she said, each time the reach found nothing. "Then stance. Then the target, and nothing else in the world but the target. In that order. Every time, in that order." By the tenth repetition it had stopped being instruction and started being cadence. Three beats his body could walk through when the front of his mind was busy being afraid. "The order is the discipline. A thing you do in order is a thing you can do scared."

By the fourth hour something answered, smaller than the ridge, aimed rather than unleashed, and it took the smallest target clean off its post without touching the two beside it.

That's new, he wrote, meaning the aim.

"That's the whole point of this exercise." Reyes checked the readout the second technician handed her, her mouth flattening slightly at whatever it showed. "How do you feel."

Ringing. Not sound. Something behind my sternum that isn't quite pain.

"Same as the first time?"

Worse. Or the same, and I remember it wrong.

She wrote that down without comment.

* * *

The setbacks started on the second day, once Reyes decided precision alone wasn't the point anymore. Command needed to know whether he could produce it twice in the same encounter, because a mission built to fail him wouldn't wait politely for his sternum to stop aching before it needed a second answer.

The morning's first use went cleanly, the smallest target again, off its post, the ringing arriving on schedule. Reyes gave him twenty minutes and then pointed at the second target.

He reached and found nothing. Absence, the same reflexless blank as the first morning, a hand closing on air where a handle had been an hour ago. Reyes read it off the technician's slate before he'd finished failing. "Drawn down. You've pulled from a well and it hasn't refilled. That's not you doing it wrong. That's you doing it too soon." She wrote the interval on the back of her hand. "Three hours. We'll see if three is the number."

Three hours later the well had something in it. He could feel that much before he'd finished reaching, a pressure behind the sternum that hadn't been there at noon. Breath. Stance. The narrowing, harder this time, his attention wanting to slide off the second target the moment he set it there.

"Hold it small," Reyes said, quietly, from behind the tape. "Smaller than you think you need."

He held it small. It came up anyway, larger in the middle, the pull swelling past the size he'd set for it the instant he pushed to keep it steady, control fraying at the moment he pressed hardest for it to hold. The second target went. So did the third, a meter to its left, which he had not looked at once. The recoil, if that was the word, put him on one knee; the whiteness came in from the edges faster than the first time, and his left leg, when he tried to stand, gave the small hitch it had been giving since the shelf.

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from NovelPhoenix. Please report it.

Reyes checked the readout the technician handed her and said nothing for the length of two breaths. Then she turned the slate so he could see it. Two curves, the morning's and this one, the second climbing past the first and refusing to come down where it had been told to.

"That's the setback," Reyes said, watching the wreckage of two ruined targets rather than him. "It succeeded, and you couldn't steer it. A weapon you can't aim on the second pull isn't a weapon you can rely on. It's a liability wearing a weapon's shape."

I know what that's called. I've been called it before.

"Then you understand why we're not stopping here."

* * *

Days three and four went to scale and pattern. Reyes set targets of three sizes and hunted the difference between an ability with one setting and one with a range; it had a range, ragged at the edges, and by the fourth evening she had a curve on her slate and a baseline she'd stopped calling a fluke. One controlled use, aimed and precise, cost him the ringing, the whiteness at the edges of what he saw with, the ache behind his sternum, and the leg hitch he'd carried since the shelf, back for an hour afterward. A second use inside the same day cost him all of that doubled, plus the control itself, the burst going wide and raw again, indifferent to whatever he'd aimed at.

He pushed for a third attempt on the fifth day anyway, because the operation waiting for him wouldn't care that two was already more than his body wanted to give.

Reyes said no. He wrote the request twice, differently, hoping a better argument would change her answer. It didn't.

"I've watched men push past a wall like this exactly once," she said. "Some of them get back up. I'm not interested in finding out which one you are on my range, on my clock, with a report that has my name on it too." She kept her eyes on the mask long enough to make sure the words landed before she softened, fractionally. "You did more here in five days than I expected in twenty. That's not nothing. It's also not the same as being finished."

He didn't push a third time. He wanted to, badly enough that he noticed the wanting, a small, unfamiliar hunger to prove a limit wrong simply because it had been stated aloud. He recognized it, this time, before it decided anything for him. He let the wanting sit unanswered, took the wooden bird out of his kit pocket instead, and held it until his hands stopped feeling like someone else's.

* * *

Reyes filed her assessment that evening, in front of him rather than through a runner. The summary was short. Reliable single controlled use, aimed and scaled; a second use available but unpredictable, at a compounding physical cost; no data yet on a third, because nobody with sense would test it without a controlled setting he wasn't going to get in the field.

"Command's going to read this and hear 'one shot, maybe two if he's desperate,'" she said. "That's an honest read. It's also not the whole one. What you actually learned to do this week is aim it. Before this, you had a door that opened once, in an emergency, and slammed on its own. Now you have a door you can open on purpose. It's a door that costs you something every time it swings, and it still doesn't open twice for free. But it opens when you ask."

Is that enough.

"That," Reyes said, closing the folder, "is a question for whoever writes your orders. My job was to find out what you can do. I did that. What they decide to spend it on isn't mine to answer." She paused at the tape line, the range behind her scarred with five days of ruined targets. "I'll say this once, because it isn't my place to say it. I hope whoever writes those orders remembers there's a cost column on this ledger, and not just a results one."

She left him there with the last light going out of the sky and the ringing in his skull only now starting to fade.

* * *

Grier found him at the low wall past the wire before the report had finished going up the chain. She didn't sit. She stood in front of him with a slate of her own, unopened.

"I read the training assessment. The cost column, not the results one." She opened it and turned it toward him. A document, formatted like an order and signed by nobody yet. "Garrison reassignment, rear-echelon, effective immediately if you sign it. No mark against you, no review, nothing that follows you afterward. Reyes's own report is the justification. Command can't argue with its own data."

She let him read it through before she added the rest.

"It means a rear depot. Inventory, wards, escort rotations nobody shoots at. It means the next time somebody is pinned behind a rock that's losing the argument, you're two hundred miles away." She put the slate down on the wall between them. "I want you to sign it. I brought it in person so you'd get to answer, instead of finding out by paperwork the way everything else in your life has been decided."

He set the stylus to the glass and found the expected answer already half-written in his head. Duty, proof, I have to know what I am. It wasn't the true one. It was the one that had worked before.

I'm not staying to prove anything. I know what I am when it matters.

"Then why."

Because the man Hollis was at Calder's Ridge would have shot me for the crest and I'd have understood the reason. Instead he stood at a rifle range and told me he'd looked for a reason to keep hating me and couldn't find one. Because Wren fell into step beside me afterward without asking what he'd said. He wrote the rest slower, testing each word before he let it stand. I have spent longer than I can measure being something people were afraid of, or something people used. This is the first place both are true at once. They know what I am and some of them stand near me anyway. If I go now I don't find out whether that holds when something is actually asked of it.

She read it twice.

"That's not the answer I expected. I had three ready." She closed the slate with the unsigned document still inside it. "The paper stays real and it stays yours. The one thing I'm not willing to be in your life is another person who offered you a door and then decided about it for you."

Then it stays. And so do I.