Chapter 441 - Make The Decision

Chapter 441: Chapter 441 - Make The Decision

"So that makes not telling me okay?"

Zac’s face changed immediately.

"No."

Roxie stared at him across the room, arms folded tightly over herself because if she let them hang at her sides he would see how badly her hands were shaking.

"No?" she repeated. "Because that’s what it sounds like. Dylan was having a horrible night, Dylan needed you, Dylan is your best friend, so somehow that explains why I was the one who didn’t deserve to know what happened."

"That’s not what I meant." Zac rubbed both hands over his face and looked down for a second before meeting her eyes again. "I messed up. I know I did. I just thought if I told you that night, after everything we already fought about, it would make shit worse."

Roxie gave a bitter laugh. "You thought."

"I know."

"You assumed."

Zac’s jaw tightened, but he nodded. "Yeah. I assumed."

"That’s the problem, Zac. You decided what would hurt me less without asking me. You decided what I could handle. You decided the kiss didn’t matter because it didn’t mean anything to you, so somehow that meant it didn’t need to mean anything to me either."

"I know that now."

Roxie looked at him and felt another wave of frustration move through her. He kept saying the right things after the fact, and she hated how much she wanted them to fix everything.

Zac stepped closer, careful this time, like he had finally learned that moving too quickly would make her back away again. "I should have told you the second I came home. I should’ve told you exactly what happened and let you be pissed or scared or whatever the hell you needed to be. I was trying to avoid another fight and I made everything worse."

Roxie’s throat tightened.

That was what she had wanted him to say.

No explanation about Dylan’s family.

No argument about how meaningless the kiss was.

Just that he should have told her.

Still, the last thing he said kept bothering her.

"He’s just confused."

Roxie stared at him. "Are you fucking defending that asshole right now?"

Zac looked horrified. "No. No, Rox, that’s not what I’m doing."

"It sounds like it."

"I’m saying I know he fucked up and I’m still trying to understand what happened to us that night. That doesn’t mean I think what he did was okay."

Roxie felt the anger climb again because there it was, another reason, another piece of Dylan’s pain being placed between them.

"Why do you always have to explain him to me?"

Zac opened his mouth and stopped.

Roxie could feel tears starting again, but she was too angry to care now. "I know what happened to him. I saw his dad. I heard everything. I know his family is fucked up right now. I know you care about him. I know all of it, Zac. I’m asking about me."

His face fell.

Roxie pressed a hand against her chest. "Your girlfriend is standing here telling you she’s hurt, and somehow we keep ending up talking about why Dylan needs you."

"I’m not trying to make this about him."

"Then stop."

Zac went quiet.

For a few seconds the only sound in the room was their breathing.

Roxie looked at him and realized there was one question she still needed answered, even though she was terrified of what he might say.

"If he calls you again because he needs you, are you going to him?"

Zac looked at her.

The silence stretched just long enough to make her stomach tighten.

Then he said, "No."

Roxie stared at him.

Zac stepped closer. "If you don’t want me to, I won’t."

Something in Roxie cracked.

She laughed once, but there was nothing amused in it.

"If I don’t want you to?"

Zac frowned.

Roxie wiped at her eyes. "That’s still not what I want to hear."

"What do you want me to say?"

The question came out helpless rather than angry, and somehow that hurt even more.

Roxie looked at him for a long moment before answering.

"I want you to make the decision yourself."

Zac stayed completely still.

Roxie could feel her voice getting weaker now, but she forced herself to continue. "I don’t want you staying away from Dylan because I told you to. I don’t want you coming home early because you think I’m going to get mad if you don’t. I don’t want you saying no to him because your girlfriend made you choose."

Zac’s eyes stayed on her.

Roxie swallowed against the ache in her throat.

"I want you to look at me and see that I’m hurting and decide that you want to make it hurt less."

That silenced him.

Roxie immediately hated how vulnerable the words made her feel.

She looked away because suddenly she couldn’t stand watching him think about it. If he had to think too long, that was already an answer.

Her mother had taught her that.

Sometimes people didn’t leave loudly.

Sometimes they stayed right in front of you while choosing something else over and over until eventually you learned to expect less.

Claire always had reasons.

Roxie had spent years making those reasons big enough to cover the places where her mother should have been.

She had told herself that love still counted even when someone couldn’t show up the way she needed.

She didn’t want to do that again.

Not with Zac.

Especially not with Zac.

The silence behind her became unbearable.

Then Zac spoke.

"All right."

Roxie turned.

He looked exhausted.

Just tired and scared in a way Roxie rarely saw from him.

"All right," he repeated. "I’m making the decision."

Roxie waited.

Zac took another step toward her. "I can’t bear seeing you like this. I hate that you’ve been crying because of something I could’ve handled better. I hate that you’ve been scared to even let me touch you because I kept something from you."

Roxie’s chest tightened.

Zac’s voice dropped.

"I’m not going to keep putting you through that."

She stared at him.

He wasn’t saying Dylan didn’t matter.

He wasn’t pretending years of friendship had disappeared overnight.

He was looking at Roxie and making a choice about what he was going to do now.

Something inside her softened so suddenly it scared her.

Still, the doubt was there.

"You’re only saying that because I asked."

Zac shook his head. "I’m saying it because you finally told me what this is doing to you."

Roxie looked away.

Zac moved close enough that she could feel his warmth now, but he still didn’t touch her.

"I should’ve seen it before."

Roxie’s mouth trembled.

Zac looked at her like he wanted to reach for her and was forcing himself to wait.

"I’m sorry, babe. I should’ve told you from the start."

The tears came before Roxie could stop them.

She hated that they did.

She had cried enough.

She was tired of crying.

Still, something about hearing him say it without defending anyone else made the pressure inside her finally break.

Zac lifted his hands slightly, then stopped himself.

"Can I?"

Roxie nodded.

He pulled her into his arms.

Roxie went against him immediately.

That surprised her.

After days of pulling away, her body folded into him like it had been waiting for permission too. Zac wrapped both arms around her and held her tightly while Roxie pressed her face against his chest.

She could hear his heartbeat.

Feel his hand against the back of her head.

He was here.

He was holding her.

For one stupid second, Roxie thought about Claire.

About all the times she had waited for her mother to choose differently.

Choose home.

Choose her.

Choose tomorrow over whatever she wanted that night.

She wasn’t that hard to be chosen right? Zac has chosen her again. Over and over.

The thought made her cry harder.

Zac tightened his arms around her.

"I’m sorry."

Roxie nodded against his chest.

He kissed the top of her head and stayed there until her breathing slowed.

When Roxie finally pulled back, Zac wiped beneath her eyes with his thumbs.

His own face looked wrecked.

"Can I kiss you?"

Roxie nodded again.

Zac kissed her carefully.

His soft mouth glided over hers is slow, sweet kiss. She kissed him back and felt some of the tension in his body ease.

When he pulled away, he stayed close enough that their foreheads almost touched.

"I’m gonna fix this."

Roxie nodded.

"I should’ve told you."

Another nod.

"I’m not letting anything like this happen again."

Roxie closed her eyes for a second. She wanted to believe every word.

Tonight, she was going to let herself.

Zac kissed her again.

Roxie wrapped her arms around his neck and held on.

For the first time in days, the space between them felt smaller.

Then Zac’s phone started ringing.

Neither of them moved at first.

The sound kept going.

Zac slowly pulled back.

Roxie’s arms loosened around his neck as his eyes moved toward the phone on the bedside table.

The screen lit up in the dark room.