Chapter 209: Enough Of The Punishment

Lucian’s POV

After all these months, none of the bitches I fucked had gotten pregnant.

It made no sense to me. I knew I wasn’t impotent. I was fertile as hell, and I had the proof. I had gotten women pregnant before. Tessa was one of them. Selene was one of them. I had no reason to beat myself up over this, so something else was playing with me, and I figured it was the goddess.

"So you’re telling me that none of the three bitches got pregnant?"

"No, Alpha. They didn’t. It’s been confirmed through several tests," Valerie said, giving me her update.

"That’s not possible. I’m potent as fuck. The women just can’t carry babies, that’s all it is," I said.

She went quiet, and I hated that she didn’t argue, because deep down I knew I was lying, and the fuck of it was that I couldn’t even convince myself.

Three women at once, and not one of them could take from me? It sounded like a myth. Shit! Why did it have to be me? Of all the wolves in Morvaine, why me? The goddess was using my life as some kind of example.

How was I supposed to take part in the revolution sweeping through Morvaine? Every house had already conceived its first child toward the quota of two pups in eighteen months. Every house but mine. I was still waiting to account for one. One fucking pup.

I grabbed my bottle of whiskey like always and sipped the hell out of that shit, hoping it would calm my nerves. If anything, it made things worse. My head pounded harder, and underneath the pounding was something I didn’t want to name. Fear. I was afraid. I was an Alpha, and I was afraid of an empty nursery.

I had to find the answers myself. Why was I taking so long to recover from everything that had happened? If the goddess was punishing me for my wrongdoings, then this was punishment enough. I’d seen enough. I deserved to be left alone.

There was only one place left to go, the elders’ chambers. My heart was exhausted, and I needed advice.

"Greetings, elders," I said when I stepped into their chambers.

"Ohh, Alpha Lucian, it’s an honour to have you in our chambers. You could have called and we would have come down to you," one of them said.

"I’m the one seeking wisdom, and you’re the ones who have it, so I had to be the one to come," I said.

They scrambled to make me comfortable. "If you say so. What does the Alpha seek from the elders today?" one of them asked.

I swallowed my pride. "I can’t get a female wolf pregnant, and I don’t know why."

One of them sighed. I guessed he was the one meant to answer.

"In the past, Alpha, when an Alpha didn’t have a Luna, it was hard for him to impregnate anyone else."

"I figured you’d say that." I clenched my jaw. "But I got Tessa pregnant before I was married. I got Selene pregnant. I’d have gotten some of my breeders pregnant too, if I hadn’t pulled out." I was defending myself like a boy caught stealing.

"True, but that was before your marriage to Tessa. After that bond, all eyes have been on you. The goddess knows not just anyone can carry your child. You have to be careful about who will carry it. So that is the issue," another said.

"So what the fucking solution is?" I asked.

A third elder spoke up. "You asked us for more time before taking another Luna because of the loss of Celeste. Until then, there’s a high chance you won’t regain your potency. It should return when you take a Luna."

I nearly lost it. I only held back because they were fucking elders, and the law demanded respect.

"You people treat wolves like fucking toys. My Luna just died, and you want me to replace her? You should’ve let me marry Selene back then. Without her, my life is a goddamn mess." The words came out raw, and the worst part was that they were true.

"Selene belongs to someone else now, Alpha. And back then you were betrothed to another. She betrayed you and was exiled. We’re sorry, but we were only doing our job, the way it has been done for ages," the elder said.

It was fine. I finally had enough conviction never to come to them for advice again. I was drunk, but I could still think straight enough to see that these elders only cared about themselves and their precious constitution. One man claimed he brought it down from the goddess. How the hell could any of us be sure he didn’t receive the wrong template?

Fuck them all. I was going back to my room. My bottles of whiskey were more reliable than those pieces of shit.

One day, when I became an elder myself, I’d kill every last one of the elders in Winterwood. Their reasoning had gone grey along with their hair.

On the walk back, the thought crept in. If I couldn’t get anyone pregnant, then I could fuck anyone, anyhow, whenever I wanted. What was the point of being careful? Let the whole territory go crazy. Let me go crazy.

"Valerie, get me the amateur one!" I shouted, loud enough for her to hear from anywhere in the house. She knew exactly what I meant.

I had collected the girl’s details for nights like this one. It didn’t take long before Valerie brought her to my room.

I was high and drunk, and I needed to fuck my head empty. A good lay would help, a little. I had been lied to, hadn’t I? Everything I’d been told about love was a fallacy. I should never have listened to any of them. I should have stayed with the breeders.

"I’ll be anything you need me to be tonight," the amateur said softly.

"Lie down," I said coldly.

I pulled down my pants and took her roughly. The contact hit me like another level of high, one that briefly drowned out the grief, the shame, and the silence of an empty bed. In my world there were no more rules, and for the first time in months, I didn’t care who knew it.