Chapter 210: I Am Danger

Lucian’s POV

"Should I take it easy on you?" I asked, my hips stilling for a heartbeat. I was already itching to go harder.

"No. Don’t take it easy on me," she breathed.

That was all the permission I needed. I picked up the pace and drove into her deeper, and she screamed. I didn’t care. She had asked for it.

"Yeah! Yeah! Fuck me, Alpha!" she moaned.

I was braced above her, thrusting like a man trying to outrun his own mind, chasing the best high I had ever known. God, I loved how she felt around me.

I pulled back and slid down her body, using my mouth on her until she was shaking, my fingers working her in rhythm. She was lost in it. Her cries told me everything her words didn’t.

Then I climbed back up to her breasts and sucked, and her hands found me, stroking and squeezing. I was so hard it almost hurt, yet the sensation was soft in her palm. Her nipples were heavenly. It was a different kind of high, one that quieted the noise in my head, if only for a moment.

When I’d had my fill, I sat up against the headboard. "Come here," I told her. "Suck mine."

Something about that night stayed with me. I’m only fucking amateurs from now on, I decided. They gave themselves with passion and meaning. They weren’t faking it for the Alpha.

I swept her hair behind her shoulder and she took me into her mouth. She went deep, so deep I felt the back of her throat, and she kept going, sucking until my vision blurred. I almost moaned out loud but I bit it back. One of us had to be the masculine one, and it was me.

She was so good that doubt crept in. I knew I had fucked her before, so how the hell had I forgotten this?

I felt myself near the edge, so I flipped her onto her hands and knees and took her from behind for the last few minutes. I wanted to leave a print on that ass. It looked so fresh, so unmarked. When I finally came inside her, my whole body vibrated, and so did hers. We finished at the same time.

Maybe my seed is cursed, I thought bitterly. Maybe I should try again.

I dropped onto the bed, breathing hard and staring at the ceiling. She stood and straightened her dress.

"Your breathing tells me you were satisfied," she said, smoothing the fabric down her hips.

"Quick question," I said. "Have you ever been pregnant?"

"No, Alpha. I haven’t."

I nodded and let her go. It was a crazy thing to ask a stranger, but I had my own findings to make, and I couldn’t stop making them.

I wanted to thank Valerie too, but what could I give her besides money? I couldn’t fuck her. She was the one line I wouldn’t cross. I had fucked every other woman in my past, and I wanted all of them again, every one except Valerie.

I was always ready. Ready to grind some bitch’s ass into the mattress and forget my own name.

Fucking was the only thing keeping me sane. I had gone back to my old ways, because the old ways didn’t ask me to feel anything.

Selene hated me now. There was no point in living, not really. I just had to make it to the next day, and orgasm was my pass. Depression couldn’t kill me that way, not while my body was busy pretending to be alive.

Later that evening I called Valerie in. "She did well," I said.

She didn’t answer. She was staring at the bottle of whiskey in my hand, and I knew she wasn’t admiring it. Her face gave her away.

"Is that drink sweet?" she asked.

"Sweet? It’s awesome. Beyond great. Magnificent." I was already moving to the cabinet. "Do you want some? I’ll pour you one right now."

"No, Alpha."

"When you taste it, you’ll love it. I promise you."

"The danger and health risk are very high," she said.

"Huh?"

"The danger and health risk are very high," she repeated, firmer this time.

She was getting bold, airing her views like she had earned the right. I laughed, but it came out hollow.

"I live for danger, Valerie. In fact, I’m fast becoming danger myself."

She stepped closer, her eyes steady on mine. "You can’t become danger. You’re the Alpha. You have a whole pack in your care."

They were all the same. They wanted to show they cared. I didn’t want to be cared for or looked after. I only wanted to live my life to the fullest, or what was left of it. Yet something had cracked the wall of Valerie’s defences, and now she felt she could advise me.

"I can’t lead these people with a perfectly sane mind," I said. "You won’t understand. You’re not in my shoes, Beta."

I didn’t want to hurt her, but the conversation was sliding that way and I couldn’t stop it. I was done trying to convince her. She kept insisting my liver would suffer.

"Thank you, Doctor," I said dryly, "but I had no plans of sparing it." I meant every word. I wanted to stress that liver until it learned to live with the liquid I fed it.

I set my hands on her shoulders, gently this time. "I know what you’re trying to do. You want the old Lucian back, the one who didn’t drink. He doesn’t exist anymore. This is the part of me I need to survive. So let it be."

I watched the disappointment settle in her eyes, and it hit me harder than I wanted to admit. She had failed to bring me back to sobriety, and she knew it.

But I had gone too far to turn around. The love I had given so completely had never been returned to me, so I might as well give myself to whiskey and pussy instead. At least they never walked away.

"If you say so, Alpha," she said quietly. Then she straightened, and her voice shifted back into the Beta’s. "An email came. You and Alpha Xander have been summoned to a meeting with the Alpha and Luna of Icefang."

My grip tightened on the glass. "What? I’m not going to any meeting with Selene again!"

"The Alphas are all attending, and your presence is mandatory. It’s happening at Bloodmoon, if Icefang is the issue."

I stared at her, then looked away.

Selene. Again. Across a table, looking at me like I was a stranger she had never loved.

These people were not ready for me at all. And I was starting to wonder if I was ready for her.