Chapter 285 : Shin Jitsu Wa, I Want to Touch Your Pants

A person like Ding Sihan is really not suitable to be a web novel author. After all, she completely ignored the request for another chapter from her reader, Lin Li.

Her crimes are heinous and too numerous to record.

But forget it, forgive her. It's not easy being an author, maybe she really couldn't write it.

Putting away this precious and useful notebook, Lin Li placed it in the box containing the black silk stockings and locked them together in the cabinet in his room.

Ding Sihan was right, it couldn't be shown to others.

Although he had already memorized it and destroying it wouldn't matter, he could have her or Qu Wanqiu add to it in the future, so he kept it.

"Phew—"

Very well, since option E has been completed, it's time to deal with those other imminent options.

Lin Li never forgets his roots. He still remembers the knowledge he learned in elementary school: optimizing time.

For example, "Mom comes home from work to cook. Washing rice takes 5 minutes, cooking rice in the rice cooker takes 25 minutes, washing vegetables takes 5 minutes, cutting vegetables takes 5 minutes, and stir-frying takes 15 minutes. What is the minimum number of minutes Mom needs to cook the meal?"

Doing things sequentially is foolish; many things can be done in parallel.

This is the principle Lin Li learned.

So, facing the four imminent tasks A, B, C, and D, Lin Li had already made his choice.

AD, BD, CD, DDDDDD.

...

Couldn't D anymore.

Lin Li, exhausted from D-ing, leisurely finished everything and looked at the "Happy Birthday" letters still stuck to the living room curtains.

After thinking about it, he decided to leave them there for now.

He would take them down when they deflated and looked ugly.

Now it was time to sleep. Waking up at four something every day, he had lost the qualification to stay up late.

Lying in bed, hugging the blue bear that still exuded an aura completely different from the room, Lin Li stroked the bear's back with his left hand and its butt with his right hand.

Sexually harassing the little bear and sniffing this fragrance, sleepiness gradually hit him.

Lin Li felt today was truly a perfect day. Sleep, sleep.

"..."

"..."

"Sigh—"

"If I hadn't stood firm back then and deliberately fell over a bit, would we have kissed?!"

Lin Li sat up straight, slapped his thigh heavily through the quilt, and said regretfully.

"Forget it, forget it, what does it matter. Sleep, sleep." A few seconds later, Lin Li smiled and shook his head, feeling he was being a bit unnecessary. Just keep a calm mindset.

"..."

"..."

"Sigh—"

"Just a little bit! Just a little bit! Bai Bufan, did you have to cough at that moment? What the fuck were you coughing for?"

The more Lin Li thought about it, the angrier he got, and he took out his phone.

...

[Lin Li: Bai Bufan, I really get annoyed just seeing you!]

[Lin Li: Voice message 60s·]

Clicking on the voice message, the foul language that burst out startled Zhou Baowei, who had his head buried in the cake next to him.

Bai Bufan: ?

Didn't you say we were best bros an hour ago?

How did I offend him again?

...

The next day, Tuesday.

Lin Li, as usual, carried breakfast to the classroom.

No longer the birthday boy today, he didn't know if the Class Rep would still aid the enemy and answer his questions.

He didn't hear Bai Bufan's unofficial history in the corridor. Walking through the front door, he found that he wasn't in his seat at all.

Probably overslept.

"Class Rep, Ding Sihan, and Little Pigtails, breakfast for you three."

Lin Li divided the breakfast, first giving it to Qu Wanqiu who sat alone on one side, then walking towards Ding Sihan and Chen Yuying.

Hearing this, Chen Yuying subconsciously wanted to look up, but quickly suppressed it herself.

"Okay, just put it there, thanks."

Looking busy, she continued to focus on writing in the extracurricular exercise book in front of her after speaking.

But if you looked closely, you would find that no new handwriting appeared.

When the disposable plastic bag wrapping the breakfast appeared at the front edge of her desk with a rustling sound, Chen Yuying pursed her lips, raised her eyes somewhat nervously, followed the takeout to look at Lin Li's hand, and then looked at his wrist.

Nothing.

It's okay.

Chen Yuying slightly turned her head to look at Lin Li's other hand carrying more takeout.

Also nothing.

It's also okay.

"..."

It does matter.

Her soft lips pouted and then returned to normal, the original expectation in her eyes turning into disappointment.

Is it on the little bear's hand?

But saying you didn't like it and giving it to the little bear was a lie.

I didn't tell you to really not like it.

I obviously matched it very carefully.

The pen in Chen Yuying's hand touched the paper again, but she was no longer answering questions.

"Ding Sihan, hurry up and take yours." Lin Li's impatient voice came from above.

"What kind of attitude is this! Not filial at all." Ding Sihan dawdled taking the breakfast.

"Do you know it's really heavy?"

Lin Li looked at the ungrateful Little Dingding, shook his right hand vigorously, acting very tired, and conveniently let the bracelet deliberately hidden inside his long sleeve be exposed.

After doing this, he pressed his palm heavily on Chen Yuying's desk and confronted Ding Sihan:

"Besides, I brought you breakfast, shouldn't I be the one asking what kind of attitude you have?"

He even patted the desk.

Noticing this 'suddenly' appearing bracelet, the disappointment in Chen Yuying's eyes completely disappeared, turning into pleasant surprise.

Then there was a little bit of annoyance, so she turned her head to look at the ground. Damn it, white shoes.

Consider yourself lucky this time, you idiot.

If I buy shoes for Lin Li in the future, I'll definitely only buy dark colors, so it won't matter if I step on them.

"Lin Li, try talking to me like that again? I'm angry, give me back that broken notebook I gave you yesterday." And regarding Lin Li's arrogance, Ding Sihan got angry.

"Sorry Sister Ding, my attitude was problematic." Lin Li instantly slid to his knees.

"Heh, do you like the present?" Having won the battle, Ding Sihan asked very proudly.

"Not bad."

"What about mine?" Qu Wanqiu on the other side asked upon hearing this.

"Qu Wanqiu, roll as far away as you can. Seeing you right now makes me want to punch your finished workbook and blow it up." Lin Li turned his head, stared at Qu Wanqiu, sneered, and chanted.

Qu Wanqiu blinked, her eyes innocent.

Does the differential treatment have to be so obvious!

But Qu Wanqiu didn't have as much confidence as Ding Sihan. She felt she deserved it. On the contrary, this was the reaction she wanted to see, so she just smiled and gave two middle fingers.

"What did they give you? I'm so curious, but they won't tell me when I ask."

Hearing this unusual conversation, Chen Yuying looked up and asked curiously.

"Things not suitable for children, not suitable for a sixteen-year-old to know." Lin Li tapped Chen Yuying's forehead with his index finger, and continued walking towards the back row.

"Tch—" Chen Yuying curled her lips in dissatisfaction and started opening her breakfast.

"Yuying, so have you figured out this question? Teach me." At this time, Ding Sihan, with a bun in her mouth, leaned her head over.

"The molar mass of A is... eh? Why is the molar mass 'Pig Head'?"

Ding Sihan was stunned when she saw the answer Chen Yuying wrote.

Chen Yuying was startled upon hearing this, and looked down at the fill-in-the-blank question she was just writing.

She saw the words "Pig Head" appear on it, and there was also a simple drawing of a pig face next to it.

When did I draw this...

"Ah..."

Chen Yuying let out a soft cry, hurriedly used her pen to scribble out the answer into a black square, and then covered her slightly hot face.

...

"Did you eat the cake last night?" In the back row, after distributing the breakfast, Lin Li asked.

"I don't know, I just ate some crumbs." Qin Zeyu shrugged.

"I don't know either, I just licked a mouthful of cream." Chen Tianming sneered.

Hearing this, Lin Li turned his gaze to Zhou Baowei, who was lying on his desk.

"Baowei, do you know?"

"Haha, I might know a little bit more." Zhou Baowei said somewhat awkwardly, then rubbed his stomach, "Fuck, seems like I ate too much at once last night, now my stomach is a bit uncomfortable."

"Pig nature, also serves you right."

Bai Bufan arrived late at this time, but he didn't look like he just arrived, but rather came from the water dispenser over there.

"Seems like you really listened." Lin Li nodded in gratification.

However, Bai Bufan didn't respond. He just sat in his seat and sighed deeply.

"What's wrong?" Lin Li then asked.

Bai Bufan took a sip of water and sighed again:

"I drank too much water before going to bed last night. I was woken up by the urge to pee while sleeping, and then I went to the toilet to pee. After drinking too much water, that pee was like a high-pressure water cannon. My god, first time peeing so fiercely."

"And then?"

Because this was a very ordinary declarative sentence, Lin Li didn't find any abnormality or point worth talking about, so he looked very confused.

"And then I woke up again." Bai Bufan's voice carried a hint of sadness.

Wait.

Lin Li: "(；☉_☉)?"

"You fucking managed to create Inception just by peeing? Fuck, people who wet the bed stay away from me!"

Lin Li pinched his nose, leaned tightly against the wall, and waved his hand in disgust.

"Just kidding, just kidding. Actually, I woke up in time, so it didn't cause a big mistake. But I did wake up many times in the middle of the night last night, so from today on, please call me the Night Riser."

Bai Bufan first cleared his name, then spread his hands helplessly.

"Why don't you call yourself a capitalist," Lin Li laughed, but then reminded: "Bufan, I told you to drink more water, but I didn't tell you to drink like this. Didn't the advice say that drinking about two liters of water a day is enough? If you drink like this, be careful you don't drink yourself into a giant."

(Translator's Note: "Giant" here refers to "giantism" in forensic pathology, a state of decomposition).

"Can drinking water turn you into a giant? I have a bold idea." Bai Bufan's eyes lit up.

"Mhm, Bufan, your starting point is good, but don't start yet."

...

After the fifth class ended, everyone got up and rushed to the cafeteria.

Because Lin Li had to go to the courier station to pick up a package for Wang Ze, he was going to eat out at noon. He didn't need to compete with the large group, so he took his time.

Heard Wang Ze was going to meet his senior sister at noon, wish him success.

Just kidding, wish him failure, don't let him really succeed.

And because of this, Lin Li, who leisurely went to his small locker in the back row to rummage for something before preparing to leave, noticed that Zhou Baowei, who should have been the most thorough implementer of "not being active in eating means there's a problem with your thinking", was dawdling and looked uncomfortable.

He could even hear the sound of him gasping.

"What's wrong?" Lin Li asked in confusion.

"I probably really got an upset stomach. I just finished eating the school's grilled cold noodles before going to bed last night, and then Bufan brought cake back. I couldn't resist and ate too much. As a result, when I woke up this morning, my stomach wasn't very comfortable.

"My stomach has been aching faintly all morning, and I've been to the toilet twice." Zhou Baowei sighed, "Looks like I'll have to eat something light for lunch."

Eating greasy food and cream cake together, Zhou Baowei is like this.

"Baowei, I used to think you were a childhood piggy bank." Lin Li sighed upon hearing this and shook his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Fat, but no money, and also a pig."

Zhou Baowei: "?"

"You just said 'used to think', right? What about now, has it improved? Right, it must have improved!" Zhou Baowei always held hope for Lin Li and asked expectantly.

"Mhm, it's improved. Now I think you're an egg tart." Lin Li nodded.

"What is this again?"

"Round body, yellow inside, but a fragile body." Lin Li shook his head, "You ah, if you don't have a diamond stomach, don't take on porcelain work."

(Translator's Note: A pun on the idiom "If you don't have a diamond drill, don't take on porcelain work").

Zhou Baowei: "..."

Being scolded indirectly twice within ten seconds, knowing Lin Li, Zhou Baowei felt his life was ruined.

"Sigh, after leaving Nansang Middle School, who else can break my defense?" Zhou Baowei sighed.

"Your future salary."

"Get lost, Lin Li!"

Defense broken, broken again.

"If it's been hurting all morning, yours is considered serious. Aren't you going to the infirmary to have a look?" After smiling, Lin Li still showed human-like concern.

Baowei couldn't die, it wasn't time yet to turn his broken body into lard.

"Forget it, I don't really want to go. I have a phobia of the infirmary, and it's not serious. It'll probably be fine if I endure it. Let's go, going to eat, bye."

Zhou Baowei still felt it was unnecessary, waved his hand, and walked away.

Looking at Zhou Baowei's desolate figure and feeling the vibration of the ground, the warm-hearted Lin Li decided to take action.

...

"Why do you keep holding your hand up, Lin Li."

Chen Yuying looked at Lin Li, who had been holding his right hand up since he appeared in the classroom. Although she might have guessed the meaning, she still tried to ask without any expression.

"Class Rep, do you know about the Indian arm-raising ascetic monks? From today on, I'm joining this authoritative organization. Loyalty! Sincerity!"

Lin Li shook his right hand, making the bracelet jingle, and said seriously.

"Ascetic monks can't have any accessories, this is blasphemy. You have to give the bracelet back to me." Chen Yuying held back her smile, reached out her hand and said.

"Then from today on, I'm quitting this completely unauthoritative organization. Flat! Peach!" Lin Li immediately put down his hand and changed his tune.

"Class Rep, how is it? Does it look good? I feel it matches quite well. You don't have one, do you? Are you envious?" Then, Lin Li directly placed his right forearm on Chen Yuying's desk and showed off.

"Childish." Chen Yuying pushed his hand away, gave Lin Li a reproachful look, "The bell has already rung, let's study."

And who said she didn't have one.

"Alright, study, study, study."

And since it came to the studying part.

At the end of the lunch break.

"Class Rep, how do you do this question?" Lin Li, pretending not to know, poked Chen Yuying with a rolled-up textbook and asked softly.

"You're no longer the birthday boy, I'm not teaching you today." Chen Yuying didn't even turn her head.

"Didn't you say yesterday that today's you would find today's excuse? Why aren't you finding one?" Lin Li's eyes widened in disbelief.

Lin Li decided to retract his praise from yesterday that Chen Yuying was cute to the point of being a foul.

"Couldn't find one." Glancing playfully at Lin Li, Chen Yuying said in a brisk tone.

Lin Li decided to retract his retraction from just now.

"Are you really not going to teach me?"

"Really not."

Hearing this, Lin Li sighed, and then a faint voice came—

"Class Rep, can I touch your pants?"

Chen Yuying: "?"

Her legs, which were originally closed and facing Lin Li, immediately turned towards the aisle. Chen Yuying turned her head and looked at Lin Li warily.

After all, this guy might really do such a thing.

"Can I touch them?" Lin Li was still asking, quite politely.

"Of course not, and why do you suddenly want to touch my pants." Chen Yuying said in embarrassment and anger.

"Of course it's because I want to see if your pants have been frozen in the refrigerator, otherwise why would you become so cold and cruel (ku)? It couldn't possibly be because I want to take the opportunity to touch your legs again, missing that smooth and very comfortable touch, right?

"How is that possible, I couldn't do such a thing."

(Translator's Note: "Ku" means cruel/cool, but sounds like "ku" for pants).

Lin Li shrugged and denied it.

Chen Yuying kept a straight face and shook her head: "They haven't been frozen, I just cut them to pieces with scissors, so they became a bit cruel (can ku)."

(Translator's Note: "Can ku" means cruel, but literally translates to "broken pants").

Hearing this, Lin Li's eyes lit up again: "Are the pieces still there? Can you mail them to me? I can pay for the postage. Thanks for the treat, Arigato."

"Pervert!" Chen Yuying laughed and scolded.

"It's not what you misunderstood, Class Rep. Do you know that children in many places can only wear thin clothes in winter? If everyone is willing to donate a little useless clothing or fabric, it can help them get through a warm winter."

Lin Li said somewhat disappointedly.

Chen Yuying bit her lip and looked at Lin Li. After thinking for a while, she nodded, her compassion overflowing after all: "Okay, I'll mail it to them when I go home this weekend."

"Hey! Look at that, Class Rep, isn't this a coincidence? I happen to know a child like that here. I'll send you the address later. This way, not only will there be no intermediate welfare agencies making a profit, but that child is also very kind and said he can pay for the postage."

Lin Li immediately lowered his voice and clapped 'heavily', saying with gratification.

Chen Yuying: "..."

This child...

Is probably already eighteen years old.

"Alright, alright, let me see the question." On this kind of topic, Chen Yuying felt that ten thousand of herself couldn't out-talk Lin Li, so she decided to surrender, helplessly and amusedly punching Lin Li.

"So what's today's excuse?"

"Because your bracelet looks very nice, I like it very much." After thinking briefly, Chen Yuying gave today's reason.

Of course, it wasn't just the bracelet she liked.

"What a coincidence, me too, I like it very much."

What a coincidence, he did too.

(End of Chapter)