Chapter 286 : This Damn Side Effect, I Will Not Share the Same Sky With You!

The bell signaling the end of the lunch break rang, and the students who had returned to their dorms to rest at noon came out of the dorm buildings and headed to their classrooms.

Zhou Baowei and Bai Bufan happened to meet Lin Li, who was getting water, in the corridor.

On the way back together, Lin Li patted Zhou Baowei's shoulder, and while wiping water on it, he asked with concern: "Baowei, is your Chu Yuxun still uncomfortable?"

"My Chu Yu..." Zhou Baowei repeated it and then realized, saying helplessly: "If you mean stomach, just say stomach! What's with Chu Yuxun."

(Translator's Note: Chu Yuxun is a character from a popular Chinese drama. Her name sounds similar to "chu yu wei" (initial stomach discomfort)).

"She's not called stomach, she's called Chu Yuxun." Bai Bufan chimed in with a smile.

Zhou Baowei: "..."

"Stomach it is then. So, feeling any better?" Lin Li didn't care.

"Better... maybe? I slept and it eased a bit, but just a bit. It's still really uncomfortable now. I guess it'll take another day or two." Zhou Baowei sighed, shaking his head and then nodding.

"I've already put the medicine in your drawer. Remember to take it later." Lin Li patted him again.

"Ah? What medicine? Stomach medicine?" Zhou Baowei asked in confusion upon hearing this.

"Yeah, I bought some specially for you." Lin Li nodded nonchalantly.

"You went out to buy it at noon?"

"Mhm."

"Fuck? You're so human. How much was it? I'll give you the money later."

Zhou Baowei raised an eyebrow, as if getting to know Lin Li all over again. He didn't refuse the kindness, but asked.

"As a rich bro, I don't care about the few pennies in your pocket anymore. Besides, I bought it without asking if you wanted it, so naturally I won't ask for money." Lin Li waved his hand upon hearing this.

Buying without asking for an opinion, and then asking for money after buying, that's no different from a robber.

"Then I won't be polite, thanks." Zhou Baowei was very moved, swearing never to use the Tarzan Meteorite Drop on Lin Li again.

Actually, Zhou Baowei wasn't poor. The money in his pocket was longer than Lin Li's life—19.5 yuan.

Remember, Lin Li is only 18, and 19.5 is greater than 18.

"We're all bros." Lin Li waved his hand.

"By the way, Lin Li, did you buy Chinese medicine or Western medicine?" Zhou Baowei suddenly thought of something and asked.

"Why ask this? Haven't you heard the saying, no matter if it's a black Hajimi or a white Hajimi, as long as it can catch Chen Rui, it's a good Hajimi."

(Translator's Note: A parody of Deng Xiaoping's famous quote "It doesn't matter whether a cat is black or white, as long as it catches mice." "Hajimi" is internet slang for cat, and Chen Rui is the CEO of Bilibili).

"Mainly I don't really like Chinese medicine." Zhou Baowei shook his head.

"What do you mean? You worship foreign things and fawn on foreign countries?" Lin Li immediately elevated the issue.

"I think it's because it's bitter. I don't like Chinese medicine either. I drank Chinese medicine for a week to regulate my intestines before. Even though I only drank it for a week, I felt like I smelled like it for that whole month."

Bai Bufan agreed with Zhou Baowei, putting on a bitter face and echoing seriously.

"Then my reason for hating Chinese medicine is a bit different from yours." Zhou Baowei shook his head, his expression somewhat sad.

"Mhm, elaborate?"

"I used to have a filter for Chinese medicine, thinking it was broad and profound. Then once, also to regulate my body, my mom bought me Chinese medicine. I opened it and saw there was actually a cockroach in the medicine bag. But I remembered, cockroaches are Chinese medicinal materials?"

"That's right, I think it's called Eupolyphaga. Actually, it's not just Chinese medicinal materials, Western medicine also uses it. That Kangfuxin liquid is made from American cockroach extract." Lin Li nodded and popularized science.

"So you think Chinese medicine is disgusting because of this?" Bai Bufan asked.

"No, I just felt it was even more broad and profound. So I didn't think much of it at the time and drank it."

"And then."

"Fuck, when I drank the second bag, I found there was no cockroach." Zhou Baowei gritted his teeth and said this sentence.

"From then on, I hate Chinese medicine."

The words were spoken with force.

Lin Li, Bai Bufan: "..."

This was definitely not a problem of worshipping foreign things. This hatred was reasonable, pertinent, and hit the nail on the head.

The three of them returned to the classroom together.

And Zhou Baowei also got the medicine Lin Li bought for him from his drawer.

He praised Lin Li too early. This stingy guy actually only bought him one pill.

No wonder he didn't want his money.

How could he have the nerve to ask for it.

"Lin Li, this fucking wasn't given to you for free by a pharmacy outside doing a promotion, was it? Medicine given for scanning a QR code?" Therefore, Zhou Baowei had reason to suspect.

"No, this medicine is very expensive, forty yuan a pill. Don't look down on it."

But Lin Li, being slandered, looked very sad and retorted.

"What the hell? How much? Forty yuan a pill? Is this robbery?" Zhou Baowei's eyes widened.

He wasn't a rich bro after all, and still couldn't accept this price. He picked up the pill, looked at the drug name on the back, and read it out loud.

"Sildenafil Citrate Tablets."

"What medicine is this, never heard of it?" Zhou Baowei, who wasn't sensitive to drug names, asked in confusion after reading it.

And Bai Bufan: "(；☉_☉)?"

What the fuck did I just hear?

After a brief moment of being stunned, Bai Bufan turned his head and looked at Zhou Baowei in confusion: "Read that again, isn't that the name for Viagra?"

Zhou Baowei: "(；☉_☉)?"

"What Viagra?" Zhou Baowei asked tentatively.

"It's the Viagra you're thinking of right now, but can't believe it is."

Bai Bufan leaned in to see the drug name clearly, and nodded heavily at Zhou Baowei, "Mhm, it is."

Then the two of them tacitly turned their heads to look at Lin Li.

Facing the death stares of the two, Lin Li spread his hands somewhat innocently:

"Just take it with peace of mind, Baowei."

"At noon, I went to the pharmacy and told the doctor to give me some medicine to nourish the stomach (yang wei). She immediately prescribed me a pill of this, and said one pill would take effect, and I absolutely couldn't take more.

"So just throw it in your mouth and chew it, that's it. I guess it must be a very powerful specific medicine."

Bai Bufan, Zhou Baowei: "..."

"That's fucking impotence (yang wei), not nourishing the stomach (yang wei)! What peace of mind! Taking this is too unsettling! Something will definitely happen!" Zhou Baowei roared, then rubbed his stomach: "Ouch, I'm so angry my stomach hurts even more."

Hearing this, Lin Li laughed out loud, feeling very satisfied.

Only then did he take out another bag of medicine from his drawer and threw it to Zhou Baowei: "Alright, here you go, the real medicine for nourishing the stomach."

This time Zhou Baowei checked the name first. After confirming it was normal stomach-nourishing granules and small packets of medicine, he breathed a sigh of relief.

But holding the small blue pill in his hand, he didn't know what to do for a moment, so he asked in surprise: "So you did it on purpose? Then what did you buy this Viagra for?"

"In ancient times, King You of Zhou lit beacon fires to fool the feudal lords just to make Bao Si smile. Today, King You of Lin spent forty yuan to buy Viagra just to make Consort Zhou smile." Lin Li looked at Zhou Baowei affectionately, "Do you like it, Baowei."

Zhou Baowei: "..."

"You just wanted to make yourself laugh, didn't you?" Zhou Baowei threw the pill back to Lin Li.

But his gaze then became suspicious and teasing: "Also... Lin Li, was it really just for a laugh? Are you sure you didn't just find an excuse to buy it in advance, preparing to use it yourself?"

"No, I really just bought it casually." Lin Li shrugged.

When buying medicine at noon, Lin Li did ask like that. But the pharmacy receptionist smiled and confirmed whether it was nourishing the stomach or impotence. So Lin Li had a thought and bought both.

Teasing a pet, it was worth it.

"Heh, I don't believe it."

"I'll just throw it away and you'll believe it." Lin Li smiled and got up, walking towards the trash can.

"Fuck, I saw the senior sister at noon, she's not bad..."

Wang Ze walked over excitedly at this time to share his progress. Hearing Lin Li's words, he asked curiously: "What are you guys talking about? Throwing what away?"

"Viagra." Lin Li handed the medicine to Wang Ze.

Wang Ze: "?"

How come something more explosive than my progress came up.

...

"Why throw this thing away, just give it to me." After learning the cause and effect, Wang Ze immediately said.

"Wang Ze, you... are you already that old at such a young age?" Lin Li and the other two looked at Wang Ze, hesitating to ask.

"Can your minds not be so dirty." Wang Ze sneered upon hearing this, and educated the three:

"Sildenafil Citrate Tablets are a drug included in medical insurance in our country.

"It can decrease the concentration of nitric oxide in the lungs, improving arterial oxygen saturation and exercise tolerance in patients with pulmonary arterial hypertension, and thus can be used for the treatment of pulmonary arterial hypertension.

"It can also be used to treat heart disease, it's a very good drug; as for getting an erection, that's just a side effect of this drug."

Lin Li and the other two suddenly realized, and then sincerely confirmed with Wang Ze: "So Wang Ze, do you have pulmonary arterial hypertension or heart disease?"

"Then sorry, our minds are too dirty."

"No."

"I purely want the side effect." Wang Ze shook his head at the speed of light.

"Your mom hahahahaha—" Hearing the satisfactory answer, the three immediately laughed loudly.

"How long is the shelf life of this thing, should be a few years, right? I'll try to increase the frequency of jerking off, maybe I'll have a chance to completely ruin my stomach before it expires, reaching the point of needing to use it." Wang Ze looked for the drug's shelf life and said.

"Not necessary, not necessary."

"Sigh, forget it, don't worry about this Viagra, let's continue talking about my big event of getting off the single market!"

Wang Ze threw the pill he was completely uninterested in into his pocket, then spoke enthusiastically and eagerly, looking at his Prime Minister:

"Lin Li, what should I do now? I didn't finish just now. I had lunch with the senior sister at noon, we met. Good news, both her looks and voice are pretty good, I'm quite satisfied.

"Can I confirm the relationship right away?"

"Is she really a pretty senior sister!?" Bai Bufan's eyes widened, "Don't confirm the relationship yet. I suggest you ask the senior sister to get a medical checkup. I suspect there's a problem with her brain or eyesight."

Ignoring the sour pickle Bai Bufan, Wang Ze just looked at Lin Li expectantly.

"Don't be in such a hurry. Liking someone can't just be based on their appearance," Lin Li waved his hand with the demeanor of a master.

"True, but I feel her inner self is fine too. She didn't scold me when chatting with me, she's quite patient, and her personality feels very OK." Wang Ze nodded, but still added.

"No, what I mean is you can't just look at her appearance, you also have to look at your own appearance." Lin Li finished his sentence, pointed at his own head towards Wang Ze: "Heh, ordinary but confident man."

Wang Ze: "..."

"Fuck."

Lin Li continued:

"When you had lunch today, it wasn't just you observing her, Senior Sister Qian must have been observing you too. After all, this is a two-way screening.

"And now, you being satisfied with her is of course good news, but she might not be satisfied with you."

"I know, although she took the initiative to add you, Wang Ze, you also have to know that during the sports meeting you were sunny and dashing running first, but usually you are stupid, idiotic, and have low emotional intelligence.

"And this lunch, plus the chatting over the weekend, who knows if you shattered the filter she had of you during the sports meeting with one punch."

Wang Ze: "..."

"But, but when we separated downstairs at the dorm at the end, she said she was very happy at noon." Wang Ze tried to salvage a trace of dignity.

"Could it be that you wanted her to say to your face, 'Wow, junior, today's noon was so disgusting'?" Lin Li asked back.

"..."

"Fuck, Lin Li, your words are so fucking hurtful."

Wang Ze got depressed, sat on Bai Bufan's desk, and rubbed his forehead:

"Then what do I do now? The offense and defense have reversed, do I become a simp? I don't want to. There are already too many dogs in the class, this track is too crowded."

"Not necessarily. The above is just based on my worst guess. And what are you anxious about? You've only known each other for a few days, you indeed need to get to know each other better.

"Even if you like each other, isn't it quite good for the ambiguous period to be a bit longer? Knowing it in your hearts but maintaining restraint, so every action and conversation becomes very interesting, simply making people unable to stop..."

Lin Li, who was analyzing, suddenly realized he was going a bit off-topic, stopped his argument about ambiguity, and continued to give advice:

"Anyway, you hold your ground for these two days and see if she has any intention of asking you out for a meal again. If she does, congratulations, it's absolutely a sure thing.

"If not, it's also normal. As long as she doesn't suddenly become cold in chatting, after a couple of days you say it's your turn to treat her to another meal. If she doesn't refuse, congratulations, it's also considered a sure thing.

"If her desire to chat is low, and she makes excuses when you ask her out for a meal, then congratulations, it's a sure thing. Baowei will transform into a good wife and loving mother, wearing a naked apron at the door of your dorm, and with a sincere smile say to you, 'Single dog, welcome rolling back'."

Wang Ze adjusted his school pants: "Fuck, this last sentence made me hard."

Zhou Baowei: "?"

Bai Bufan, who was drinking water to pass stones, almost spat it out at this action.

"Your mom, Wang Ze, you bastard, you really perform consistently." Bai Bufan punched Wang Ze's butt on the desk.

"But it does make sense. It's my first time being pursued by someone, I'm a bit worried about gains and losses. Lin Li, you're still more reliable, you're right." Wang Ze nodded, but then asked again:

"But, Lin Li, how exactly should men and women chat? When we were eating at noon today, it was actually very awkward many times in the middle."

"We weren't familiar with each other to begin with. Several times the awkward chatting couldn't continue, ending with 'mhm mhm haha', and then the silence was suffocating. In order to brainstorm new topics, my brain wanted to die."

Wang Ze spoke his true feelings.

"Chat about common topics, even I know this, right?" Bai Bufan stood by and talked on paper without his back hurting.

"The problem lies here. She's more of a homebody, her hobbies are watching dramas, variety shows, and novels, while I play games and basketball. The topics don't match." Wang Ze shrugged somewhat helplessly.

"Don't you read novels too?"

"The channels we read are completely different, we can't chat. She reads either boys' love or those palace intrigues, which I can't read at all. And she doesn't read the soft porn, medium porn, and hard porn that I read." Wang Ze shrugged again.

Bai Bufan pondered for a moment, his eyes lighting up: "No, no, no, the essence is the same. Wang Ze, I have a trick, maybe it can even show your masculine charm."

"Tell me?" Wang Ze frowned.

Bai Bufan stood up. Because Wang Ze was sitting on the desk, he appeared condescending. Bai Bufan stepped forward, pinched Wang Ze's chin, lifted it to look at him, smiled wickedly, and spoke in a rich, magnetic voice:

"Senior Sister, you little rascal, next time you read a novel, if there are words you don't know, ask me."

Wang Ze: "?"

Isn't your 'getting to the essence' a bit too 'getting to the essence'?

But Bai Bufan felt his suggestion was simply genius.

"Look, Wang Ze, this way you not only show your domineering CEO charm, but also reflect your IQ. If the senior sister is a sapiosexual, she's probably already fainted from excitement!"

"Here I must correct a fallacy."

Lin Li finally couldn't stand it anymore. Having frowned since just now, he came up to set things right:

"Many girls like domineering CEOs, but remember, what they like is the 'CEO', not the 'domineering'.

"For example, no one would like a 'domineering beggar'."

To demonstrate, Lin Li kicked Bai Bufan away, took his place, pinched Wang Ze's chin, smiled wickedly, and spoke in a rich, magnetic voice:

"Oi, Senior Sister, you little rascal, go beg at the school gate with me this weekend. I've already had the butler prepare your bowl. Shh—don't speak, don't refuse, this is not asking for your opinion, it's a notification."

"How about it? Would you like this kind of domineering beggar?"

Wang Ze, whose mouth was covered: "(；☉_☉)?"

I want to kick these two to death.

"Understand? So the logic of teaching the senior sister to read is fine, but you can't use the tone of a domineering CEO, because Wang Ze is not a CEO, so you have to discuss it."

Lin Li looked at Bai Bufan and gave the conclusion.

"I see, my scope of thinking was still too narrow." Bai Bufan nodded.

Looking at the two people chatting enthusiastically, Wang Ze: "..."

"No, I know Bufan can't spit ivory out of a dog's mouth, just a useless guy who's afraid of women. Prime Minister, you can't be like this, tell me something real! How exactly should I chat in this situation?"

After pulling Lin Li's hand away, Wang Ze looked at Lin Li resentfully.

However, Lin Li shrugged: "I don't know."

"Eh?"

"No, Wang Ze, do you really treat me as a love master? My dating experience is as zero as Shang Yang's limbs. Before this year, the number of times I was asked for my contact information was no more than the number of times Bai Bufan's butt was entered, which is one.

"The things I told you before were all about emotional intelligence. I have no experience with the rest either.

"Without common topics, chatting is just adapting to the situation and talking bullshit."

Lin Li told the truth.

He couldn't let Wang Ze treat the senior sister like a bro.

Bai Bufan was a lesson from the past.

However, if the senior sister liked reading boys' love, Wang Ze telling gay jokes might have a miraculous effect.

"Then Prime Minister, how can you have endless things to talk about with the Class Rep usually? Chatting about questions and studying? But looking at your wretched smile, it doesn't seem like it."

After trying to figure it out himself for a long time and failing, Wang Ze still asked with a headache.

"Just chat casually, say whatever comes to mind. My situation is different from yours." Lin Li spread his hands.

"Give an example, maybe it's the same. What was the last topic you two chatted about?" Wang Ze didn't give up.

Lin Li thought for a moment.

"At noon I wanted to touch the Class Rep's legs, but the Class Rep wouldn't let me touch them."

Wang Ze, Bai Bufan, Zhou Baowei: "?"

The corner of Bai Bufan's mouth twitched slightly, he smiled in relief, and looked at Wang Ze: "Wang Ze, still want to learn?"

Wang Ze shook his head mechanically.

How the fuck am I supposed to learn this.

First time chatting, say 'let me see your pussy', second time meeting, say 'let me touch your legs'?

Then the creepy guy Wang Ze from Class 4 of Senior One on the confession wall might be resurrected majestically.

(End of Chapter)