Day One Thousand Two Hundred And Eleven

Dear Diary,

Y'know, after the messed up shit that happened my first two Halloweens here, the past two have been positively blissful.

Okay, I guess the first two weren't exactly 'messed up shit', what with the first time being me adopting Conrad and the second being me being amnesiac, but they both definitely qualified as 'interesting times'. I mean, there hasn't been a lack of 'interesting times' since I got here, with not a Season going by when something didn't happen, but some of them have been less painfully interesting than others. Those first few were especially crazy, what with me not really filling out my Divine shoes until Karen got the Temples up and running.

Kinda odd that mostly happened while I was amnesiac, now that I think about it. Honestly, I'm wondering now whether that left Karen pushing the 'love goddess' aspect of my Worship, and how much that pushed me to where I am now. I mean, I'm not upset by it. Far from it. But that... That was kind of the point at which I went from being hesitant to be intimate with anyone but my select set of partners and being openly intimate with pretty much anybody who had been vetted by my Clergy.

Huh. Now that I think about it, back when this all started I'm not sure I was 'intimate' with my partners nearly as much as I am now. Like, during the whole Norfolk and Calverton campaigns Saffron used sex as a way to rev me up or calm me down as needed. Not that I objected, or object now, because we had shit to do and that was a way to get that shit done. A fun and physically pleasant way. But a lot of it wasn't exactly an intimate connection of Souls so much as an ecstatic connection of body parts.

Which there's a time and place for, don't get me wrong, but it's taken me a while to realize the difference. Years, really, and a lot of self examination on my part and patience on the part of my Clergy and partners.

At any rate, the past two Halloweens have been calm enough that pretty much the most exciting thing happening was Menace leading her pack of assorted scamps and rascals through various bits of the Alliance to collect some of the treats I'd scattered about. Okay, this time I think a lot of the treats wound up being made on site by the people distributing them, but that's a feature, not a bug. Especially with all the other kids getting into the spirit of the thing and going trick or treating.

Yeah, I still remember those vague images from the first time. I don't recall much from the second or third, but then both of those times I think I really needed the sleep more than I did this time. The second time I was Blessed, too, which meant, I dunno, maybe I wasn't as integrated with my Big Black side. Last year I kinda vaguely remember a few images. This year...

I remember that first year was nothing but fear. The kind of terror that soaks the sheets in a bad way, that leaves people unable to speak coherently. The second, like I said, I didn't remember much. The third one I mostly slept, but there wasn't much of a vibe any particular way. This time... There was fear, yeah. But also... Wonder? I think? Like people looked out the windows and saw towering tentacles reaching to the sky in every direction, interposing themselves over pretty much everything, and some part of them realized that while yeah, those big assed tentacles had enough power to crush every single one of them, for the most part they just didn't.

Which meant they had time to think about what those tentacles meant. What they represented.

Yeah, their lives had gotten less predictable.

But they also weren't doomed to a life of struggle against forces they had no power to control, forces that wanted them desperate and powerless.

I think that might be the biggest reason why I stepped back at the Battle of the Channel. Because I want my people to see that they have power. That even without me doing everything for them, they can make their world a better place.

I mean, I've known that all along. That's why I put Saffron in charge of that shit, because I knew I'd screw it up, but I knew it could happen, and that she would make it happen. Yeah, at first I think she did it mainly for Isnomi, but since then she's kind of adopted everybody in the Alliance.

Huh. Don't know if I read that back in the day, but it makes sense. People are always talking about the government being a shitty business, but it's not supposed to be a business. A business is there to make money, and will let people die if it makes more money. A government is supposed to be more like a family. A family is there to help everybody survive and thrive, and a family will dump every dollar it has into saving the life of the people in it.

I mean, yeah, there are budgets and shit. There are times when no amount of money can fix the problem, or when there aren't enough resources to fix all the problems, and triage has to happen. Sometimes little Timmy doesn't get braces because big sister Agatha needs a fuckin' heart transplant or some shit. I dunno, the metaphor, like most of the ones from back in the day, has it's limits, just like all analogies, and I think I may be skirting those. But I think my central point still stands, that running a government like a family or a household is way better than running it like a business or a corporation.

Fuck it, I dunno if it's objectively better, but I think it is, and Saffron agrees with me, and barring enough of the Alliance disagreeing to make an issue out of it, that's the way we're doing it.

At any rate, after seeing the kids looking adorable in their costumes at the end of the day before yesterday, I slept through a whole assed day of really vague, yet oddly hopeful images. Through all of it I thought I heard somebody whispering to me. Okay, not 'through all of it', but... Dreams. Time is kinda fucked in dreams.

At any rate, eventually they drifted off into what passed for normal Mimic dreams. My ladies in my Maw, each of them dressed up in the kind of outlandish costumes that could only work in dreams. Tallulah dressed as a housefrau, or maybe... No, I think she was tryna look like Giselle for some reason. Siobhan as a Maenad. Shapeshifted, costumed, no idea. Dreams, after all. Marie in Siobhan's habit and gown, claws tucked into her sleeves and somehow looking demure and mindful. Mads somehow towering over my Maw as a Jotnar, and Orla clanking around in full plate armor that reminded me of Gregor or maybe Oliver. I mean, only vaguely, because when she sank it tasted like bacon.

She sank a lot, every time she showed up.

Karen... Karen looked resplendent in a bridal gown not unlike the one worn by Bonnie and Marie. I didn't yoink her into the depths, just let her sink, a serene smile on her face.

No idea how or why Furtim disguised herself as an island. Equally confused as to why my Kitten wound up pretending to be a throw pillow, but then... Dreams.

Woke to find most of the family around me in the bed, the kids all sleeping the sleep of the thoroughly sugar crashed. A quick scan of the bed showed that Saffron was missing. Not the most thrilling thing, but after lazing about for a day I couldn't bring myself to panic or anything. My Kitten did still need to make use of the toilet now and then.

I prodded Marie, who cracked one eye open and waited. "Saffron?" I whispered.

"Bath."

I stroked her hair, and she let her eye slip closed, purring all the while. Then I Co-Located up to the Bath, only to see a familiar sight. Furtim laying in the Bath, her head pillowed on my very favorite pillows.

So cute. I sat there letting them sleep, just sitting on the side of the Bath, my feet in the water, until they woke up.

"So, I take it you'll be coming to family therapy on the regular then?"

Furtim just shrugged, clapping her jaw once. "Guess so." Then, after a second, she added, "good for the girls."

"Oh, but not for you?"

She froze at that, then rolled over, lying the side of her face across those pillows I mentioned earlier while Saffron just gently stroked Furtim's jaw. "Nice pillows."

I snorted. "Yeah, yeah. You're not wrong."

Funny, she's big enough that she retains heat pretty well, even in the mild chill of Dad's cave. Totally why so many of us snuggled up to her, especially the kids.

Not that she seemed to mind.